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AIBU?

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Original poster

Fuming at DH - would you be?!

286 replies

Bellsandwhistle · 21/01/2022 19:29

So from 5-6 I’m on a course (he does not know this as usually not home till 630) and at 510 he messages me and kids do we want to go out for tea in 30 mins. Kids reply mum has asked us to put dinner in oven (all sat out on counter ready to go in oven). He replies it’s not in yet ask mum amd they say she’s on course can’t ask till after. He replies I’m coming to get you NOW be ready and he takes both kids out at 550 to restaurant. I come out of call at 615 to these messages. Call him and they are in restaurant and he says oh you’re going to be annoyed aren’t you - like I’m in the wrong?! He says oh I’ve done nothing wrong here you no reason to be annoyed. Of course I’m annoyed!! Would you not be?!! Why not wait till I was free to check re the dinner at home (ours was in oven kids too be added in later)?! Why such a rush?! Why not say okay go ahead with planned dinner and we could go out tmw or Sunday?!

OP posts:
13yearslater · 21/01/2022 20:39

Threads like this remind me that sometimes most ofthetime it's bloody lovely being a lone parent.

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 21/01/2022 20:41

@MananaTomorrow

I mean, can you imagine your GP checking their messages in the middle of a consultation with a patient? Or a consultant answering personal texts during their rounds? A judge during a trial? A teacher during their class?

There are many jobs where you can NOT answer texts.

They may not be able to check texts, but those people could still be contacted if necessary - via the company switchboard normally, or someone relaying a message.
Thatsplentyjack · 21/01/2022 20:42

I'd be concerned that he had a sneaky dinner reservation with someone else who cancelled last minute and he needed to use it to not be charged :/

Really? I thought I was paranoid but jeezo Confused

THEDEACON · 21/01/2022 20:42

I would be livid and DH would be making all the meals for a week !

museumum · 21/01/2022 20:43

I don’t know, I quite like an occasional moment of “fuck it” spontaneity. I don’t agree with op that getting dressed up and looking forward to it always has to be part of it. I’d be a tiny bit jealous for a moment at missing out then I’d enjoy the house to myself and put on some tv only I like and open some wine.

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 21/01/2022 20:44

[quote MananaTomorrow]@fairylightsandwaxmelts, good for you.

I’m self employed and not contactable at all during the time I’m working with my clients.
I cannot and will not check messages, let alone PERSONAL messages.

Everyone has a different job. Because you can and do check your messages whilst in a meeting doesn’t mean other can and do.

Fwiw when I was employed, I would have been in trouble for checking texts, let alone personal messages, whilst in a meeting too.[/quote]
Absolutely, which is why I said that it depends on the job...

MrsTerryPratchett · 21/01/2022 20:44

@RobertSmithsLipstick

I've always said I'm coming back as a man in my next life. Now I know what's in store, I think I've changed my mind. Want sex? Bastard! Have a wank?Double bastard!! Like staying in? Boring bastard! Going out?Selfish boring bastard...
What I've seen is:

What sex and grope your DP repeat my without permission or consent, including in front of DC, bastard.

Wank in bed beside your 'sleeping DP, manky bastard.

Never go out and Eeyore the place up, boring bastard.

Take the kids out without checking or waiting when she is working, selfish bastard.

Keepitonthedownlow · 21/01/2022 20:47

Fuming seems a bit strong, unless there is a massive back story....

RobertSmithsLipstick · 21/01/2022 20:49

I'm still coming back as a woman.
I can do lividGrin, no problem.

caringcarer · 21/01/2022 20:50

OP, I would be very annoyed at this too. He should have waited for you.

Original poster
Bellsandwhistle · 21/01/2022 20:52

Lol I’ll be a lone parent soon as when he came back o told him he was a selfish prick! He said oh how much have have you had to drink!! I’d one glass of wine which actually calmed me down a bit. No apology no sorry you missed out just I’ll do what I want and if you aren’t here so what!!

OP posts:
MargosKaftan · 21/01/2022 20:52

There was no reason he had to go for dinner now and not wait 20 minutes so the OP could go too, other that he'd made a plan in his head for dinner, without considering if it would fit in with the OP. The OP had also made dinner plans, but hers fitted around making sure there was food for everyone that would be ready when everyone was available.

The OP can't save dinner for tomorrow, as she's been left out of the dinner out plan so assume has eaten some of it, so there now isn't enough for tomorrow night.

I'm also assuming he hasn't bought take away for the OP who he left out of his spontaneous plan.

ThePrionOne · 21/01/2022 20:53

I’d be annoyed that he’d taken the children out and got there at least half an hour before me. Had they ordered and started, or did he keep them there waiting till you got there?

I don’t understand why he couldn’t wait until you’d finished.

Then again, the suggestion that it’s impossible to enjoy a spur-of-the-moment change of plan because part of the pleasure is dressing up could be frustrating because I like spur of the moment meals out.

So I would have been delighted if he’d suggested the pre-prepared dinner could wait as he wanted to go out. It’s only the timing that would annoy me.

And I find myself wondering if the reason he didn’t wait was because he wanted to go and knew you wouldn’t agree.

Isntitironic1 · 21/01/2022 20:55

I don’t understand why you wouldn’t tell him you were on a course? My OH is self employed but we chat over dinner about the next days events or when I’m on my lunch break

MrsTerryPratchett · 21/01/2022 20:57

They may not be able to check texts, but those people could still be contacted if necessary - via the company switchboard normally, or someone relaying a message.

Yesterday I was in a meeting room with a decompensating client who was literally screaming. Yes, if the house was on fire, someone could possibly have contacted me. But not for dinner plans.

Some people have jobs you can answer texts. Many of us don't. DH wouldn't be a selfish dick. He'd wait.

MargosKaftan · 21/01/2022 20:58

Why would she tell him what courses /appointments she had in the day, she was working from home while he was at work. She would have finished all work half an hour before he was due home. I have no idea what appointments/courses DH has been doing from home today. It would be bizarre to tell me.

ThePrionOne · 21/01/2022 20:58

I apologize. I see he actually took them without you.

Definitely selfish then. I assumed you’d joined them, albeit belatedly.

GrapefruitPink · 21/01/2022 20:58

@Isntitironic1

I don’t understand why you wouldn’t tell him you were on a course? My OH is self employed but we chat over dinner about the next days events or when I’m on my lunch break
Yeah I don't get it either. Just because he comes in after doesn't matter, surely you talk about work, everything else? It seems to be communication issue IMO
MrsTerryPratchett · 21/01/2022 20:58

@Isntitironic1

I don’t understand why you wouldn’t tell him you were on a course? My OH is self employed but we chat over dinner about the next days events or when I’m on my lunch break
I don't. DH would have no clue what my day is like. We talk about the day that just happened over dinner. Not tomorrow. Unless it's out of the mainstream. And a course wouldn't be.
VinylCafe · 21/01/2022 20:59

@Bellsandwhistle

But why is it a nice reason when I was left out?! It feels mean to leave me behind! I would never do the same unless he was away somewhere. If he was here I’d always ask him.

Exactly. I would be pissed.

Original poster
Bellsandwhistle · 21/01/2022 20:59

He didn’t care if I could go or not. This is annoying. He decided he wanted to go now and that was it. He would have went with or without kids really but took them as he probably preferred that to eating alone. Zero consideration for me. This is typical behaviour but brought home tonight as I just know my friends husbands would never do this. Tbh I’m shocked so many of you would have DHs who would go out without waiting 20 min to ask you amd you would be okay with this!

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 21/01/2022 21:00

I can't imagine anything more boring than DH saying, "9-10 meeting 10-11 supervision 11-12 another meeting 12-1 lunch blah blah".

GrapefruitPink · 21/01/2022 21:02

@MrsTerryPratchett

I can't imagine anything more boring than DH saying, "9-10 meeting 10-11 supervision 11-12 another meeting 12-1 lunch blah blah".
It's not even that though, he doesn't know she's doing a course at all? Well until the kids said
MrsTerryPratchett · 21/01/2022 21:03

But trying is common for me. Why would I say?

MrsTerryPratchett · 21/01/2022 21:03

Training