Fuming at DH - would you be?!

[Bellsandwhistle]

So from 5-6 I’m on a course (he does not know this as usually not home till 630) and at 510 he messages me and kids do we want to go out for tea in 30 mins. Kids reply mum has asked us to put dinner in oven (all sat out on counter ready to go in oven). He replies it’s not in yet ask mum amd they say she’s on course can’t ask till after. He replies I’m coming to get you NOW be ready and he takes both kids out at 550 to restaurant. I come out of call at 615 to these messages. Call him and they are in restaurant and he says oh you’re going to be annoyed aren’t you - like I’m in the wrong?! He says oh I’ve done nothing wrong here you no reason to be annoyed. Of course I’m annoyed!! Would you not be?!! Why not wait till I was free to check re the dinner at home (ours was in oven kids too be added in later)?! Why such a rush?! Why not say okay go ahead with planned dinner and we could go out tmw or Sunday?!

Thanks for so many replies everyone - yes I feel the friendship is gone from our marriage. I had coffee with friends this week and they waited for me when I couldn’t get there till 15 min after them and I’d told them to go ahead which was so nice and I felt bad! I just couldn’t imagine any friends treating me like this and I know my friends husbands wouldn’t do this.

We have missed each other this morning as I was out early and now he’s out but It’s not going to be easily resolved. He’ll not let me forget I said go ahead when he looked at flats. He’ll probably keep going on about flats and money. Im not sure what I want - I don’t get much from the relationship but know the kids would be devastated if we separate. I’d hate to have to split their time up.

@Keepitonthedownlow

At the moment you both sound as bad as each other

Care to explain how?

He’ll not let you forget you said ‘Go ahead’ when he was looking at flats! I’d have been sending him links to flats I’d found for him. Do not let him try and turn any of this on you.

Wouldn't bother me overly, I probably would have gone and joined them

This wouldn't bother me but I eat out a couple of times a week, so wouldn't feel I was missing out and would just enjoy the time to myself.

As a child of parents who stayed together for the kids, I really wish they hadn’t. The tension and atmosphere was awful. I couldn’t relax, and spent most nights anxiously waiting for the rows and arguments to start again.

Do what is best for you and the kids as a whole. Your happiness influences their happiness more than you think.

OP,

Don't think for a second your children don't know the state of your marriage.

They know.

What he did yesterday was awful, they must have felt so uncomfortable.

This is not a good man.

Get yourself organised, paperwork, deeds, financials.

Stop doing anything for him.
Move out of the bedroom if possible.

He is a nasty piece of work and your marriage is clearly over.

Better for children to have happy parents in separate homes.

Far worse for them to be seeing his nastiness towards you.

**At the moment you both sound as bad as each other

Care to explain how?**

Well without a backstory if the husband did something wrong all she had to stay was "I don't like that could you please check next.time". No need for a massive drama and accusations. Also why would the dinner be 'ruined' could it not be eaten the next day?

@Keepitonthedownlow

**At the moment you both sound as bad as each other

Care to explain how?**

Well without a backstory if the husband did something wrong all she had to stay was "I don't like that could you please check next.time". No need for a massive drama and accusations. Also why would the dinner be 'ruined' could it not be eaten the next day?

Sorry I must have missed the drama and accusations created by the OP who finished work to find her dinner plans ruined and herself left out of a lovely family restaurant at a place she wanted to go to with no communication or patience.

Or is your point that she should suck up her husband's shitty behaviour because pointing it out is 'drama and accusation'?

No I’d have the hump too @Bellsandwhistle it’s a symptom of a bigger issue for sure. I hope you can sit down and talk about it openly because otherwise I think it your home will be a lonely place in a few years when the kids have left. The fact that he didn’t think about you at all in the equation says it all really.