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AIBU?

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Original poster

Fuming at DH - would you be?!

286 replies

Bellsandwhistle · 21/01/2022 19:29

So from 5-6 I’m on a course (he does not know this as usually not home till 630) and at 510 he messages me and kids do we want to go out for tea in 30 mins. Kids reply mum has asked us to put dinner in oven (all sat out on counter ready to go in oven). He replies it’s not in yet ask mum amd they say she’s on course can’t ask till after. He replies I’m coming to get you NOW be ready and he takes both kids out at 550 to restaurant. I come out of call at 615 to these messages. Call him and they are in restaurant and he says oh you’re going to be annoyed aren’t you - like I’m in the wrong?! He says oh I’ve done nothing wrong here you no reason to be annoyed. Of course I’m annoyed!! Would you not be?!! Why not wait till I was free to check re the dinner at home (ours was in oven kids too be added in later)?! Why such a rush?! Why not say okay go ahead with planned dinner and we could go out tmw or Sunday?!

OP posts:
CrystalMaisie · 21/01/2022 19:53

How would he feel if he came home from work and you and the dc were out for dinner without him? Although not quite the same as he hasn’t spent time and effort preparing meals for the family. I’d be upset too in your position.

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 21/01/2022 19:53

@WiddlinDiddlin

Yes I'd be annoyed.

For those saying 'he didn't know..' he DID know because the kids told him! He ignored that to do what he wanted to do and stuff the OP's plans or checking with her.

Epic dick.

I think the point people are trying to make is that he didn't know in advance. His idea was to come home from work, pick everyone up and go straight away.

Selfish? Perhaps, but this kind of thing happens when people don't communicate with each other about their plans!

FromDespairToHere · 21/01/2022 19:55

Yes I'd be fuming. Not only because of the tea in the oven but because he comes home and takes the kids out to eat without even waiting for you to finish - that is so rude!

Original poster
Bellsandwhistle · 21/01/2022 19:56

Yes obv communication isn’t great. I wouldn’t have texted him saying I was out for the hour as it doesn’t impact him when I do all the childcare/activities etc and fit ointment around work/dinner etc. he just comes in after 630 to dinner ready so there was no need for me to say I’m out 5-6 as kids were dieted as was dinner.

OP posts:
ClariceQuiff · 21/01/2022 19:56

I'd be deeply pissed off at missing out on the restaurant; also annoyed if the food I'd done for dinner went to waste.

LittleBearPad · 21/01/2022 19:57

If you’re children are old enough to have phones they are old enough to say Mum’s on a course until 6pm.

I thonk you’re being a bit dramatic

HollysBush · 21/01/2022 19:57

My dh would be disappointed that I’d been so organised about dinner so he couldn’t get his meal. But he’d never take the children out without me.

MrsTerryPratchett · 21/01/2022 19:57

I think the point people are trying to make is that he didn't know in advance. His idea was to come home from work, pick everyone up and go straight away.

Neither did she. He changed the status quo so he's supposed to check in advance!

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 21/01/2022 19:57

Yeah I'd be annoyed to. He couldn't have waited

MrsTerryPratchett · 21/01/2022 19:57

@LittleBearPad

If you’re children are old enough to have phones they are old enough to say Mum’s on a course until 6pm.

I thonk you’re being a bit dramatic

They did.

She's not.

LittleBearPad · 21/01/2022 19:58

They didn’t provide a time as far as the OP’s posts say??

I may have missed it?

MrsTerryPratchett · 21/01/2022 19:59

@LittleBearPad

They didn’t provide a time as far as the OP’s posts say??

I may have missed it?

Not a time but presumably the food had cooking times so he could hazard a guess.
rwalker · 21/01/2022 20:00

Wouldn't bother me it's nice to do something now your own with just you and the kids every now and again .

FlippityFlippityFlop · 21/01/2022 20:01

I'd be annoyed

LittleBearPad · 21/01/2022 20:02

Only if he asked or the children said it will be done in 30 minutes etc. As they likely wanted to go they are probably didn’t dwell on the details of the home dinner option.

I don’t think it’s worth being fuming

GADDay · 21/01/2022 20:03

I would be upset about being left out. If he had text you to say - popping up the road to the pub for a bite. Come up when you are ready, can I order your pizza in the meanwhile- that would be one thing. But he didn't.

Food in the oven can be cooled and eaten tomorrow - so no big deal there.

user33323 · 21/01/2022 20:03

Wow, I'm really surprised at some of these replies. I think it was incredibly selfish and rude. You've put time in to cooking family dinner FOR HIM! And not only is the time you spent on that wasted time, it's wasted money and completely cut you out. His desire to eat what he fancied immediately over any consideration for you.

Bancha · 21/01/2022 20:03

I’m weighing back in here. From the OP’s post it sounds like DH didn’t know when OP would finish work, or that their tea was already in the oven, just that the kids’ tea was waiting to go in. Food that goes in the oven can usually be made in advance so could be kept for tomorrow, and he wanted to go out for tea with his family. It sounds as though OP was invited but was too busy with an unspecified finish time and not checking her phone. I don’t think OP is BU, if she feels left out, but I also don’t really think her DH is either. It just doesn’t seem like something that needs to be much of a big deal, unless it’s part of a bigger problem/pattern of behaviours?

MrsTerryPratchett · 21/01/2022 20:04

My DH likes spending time with me. So he would wait.

But then he's not a dick.

EinsteinaGogo · 21/01/2022 20:05

What planet am I on, reading that OP is unreasonable?

Man cannot wait

RobertSmithsLipstick · 21/01/2022 20:05

I've always said I'm coming back as a man in my next life.
Now I know what's in store, I think I've changed my mind.
Want sex? Bastard!
Have a wank?Double bastard!!
Like staying in? Boring bastard!
Going out?Selfish boring bastard...

NewBlueGoo · 21/01/2022 20:05

Yeah, this would annoy the shit out of me. It totally disparages the work you do planning, cooking, carrying the mental load for the family while also working. It gives the kids the impression what you do for the family is worthless / negligible. It also gives the impression that you’re not an important person to be included in a family meal out. I’d be pretty fucking pissed off.

Skiptheheartsandflowers · 21/01/2022 20:06

If I usually did the cooking and my husband came home routinely at 6.30, then too right I'd be annoyed that on the night I had something to do, he decided to come home early and HAD to go out for dinner and it had to be RIGHT NOW and he couldn't wait for me so went without me.

Original poster
Bellsandwhistle · 21/01/2022 20:08

Kids did say mum back in 20 min. He said you need to come now. I just would never do it. I think it’s rude beyond belief. I’d never not ask him when he was here and could go. Different if he was away or out.

OP posts:
WutheringHeights66 · 21/01/2022 20:08

My DH can bea self centred twat sometimes but he would never do this, he would either eat what I’d prepped and suggest tomorrow instead or wait for me to finish, probably text me in the middle of my course but would not go without me. No way.

Not ok.

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