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Original poster

Fuming at DH - would you be?!

286 replies

Bellsandwhistle · 21/01/2022 19:29

So from 5-6 I’m on a course (he does not know this as usually not home till 630) and at 510 he messages me and kids do we want to go out for tea in 30 mins. Kids reply mum has asked us to put dinner in oven (all sat out on counter ready to go in oven). He replies it’s not in yet ask mum amd they say she’s on course can’t ask till after. He replies I’m coming to get you NOW be ready and he takes both kids out at 550 to restaurant. I come out of call at 615 to these messages. Call him and they are in restaurant and he says oh you’re going to be annoyed aren’t you - like I’m in the wrong?! He says oh I’ve done nothing wrong here you no reason to be annoyed. Of course I’m annoyed!! Would you not be?!! Why not wait till I was free to check re the dinner at home (ours was in oven kids too be added in later)?! Why such a rush?! Why not say okay go ahead with planned dinner and we could go out tmw or Sunday?!

OP posts:
MananaTomorrow · 21/01/2022 20:24

Anyway, I suppose people do things differently, but if I had children and was going to be completely out of contact, I would tell my partner just in case there was an emergency or something happened

The only emergency that couldn’t wait another hour is if the dcs were hurting themselves. In which case they would be talking to the OP. Not an issue.

For all other situations, it would be waiting like it is ALWAYS the case when you are in a meeting and phones are on mute (which should be the case for all working meetings right?).

When I am at work, I’m not contactable for the whole 7 hours I’m there.
DH can be in meetings where phone is on silent and he is not contactable for an hour or two.
That’s normal, that’s life.
There is nothing unusual in the OP not answering her PERSONAL messages whilst she is working.

JesusSufferingFuck22 · 21/01/2022 20:24

that would annoy the shit out of me. In fact I'd be fuming. It's very disrespectful for starter. He is expecting his whole family to be available when he wants them. He disregarded what the kids were telling him. He was incredibly inconsiderate not thinking about the fact his wife would have dinner ready, like she usually does. He really hasn't valued her time and energy.
Yes, epic dick. Maybe if you communicate this to him you can then both plan an extra lovely meal out together to make up for it a little bit.

Nanny0gg · 21/01/2022 20:24

@LittleBearPad

If you’re children are old enough to have phones they are old enough to say Mum’s on a course until 6pm.

I thonk you’re being a bit dramatic

They did…
Teddybar · 21/01/2022 20:25

Why couldn't he wait 20 mins, what was the rush? Let me guess- you usually have to plan and prep dinner, same as you had done this evening. He swans in and takes the children out, leaving you out of dinner and potentially wasting the food. I get being spontaneous etc but feels harsh he didn't include you and probably doesn't bother to usually help plan meals.

Sedai · 21/01/2022 20:25

This all sounds super dramatic. He did a lovely thing for the kids. Can you not cover tonight's dinner and serve tomorrow?
If you're feeling left out, fair enough but I don't think I'd be fuming. As others said, pour a glass of wine and take some time for yourself

PinkSyCo · 21/01/2022 20:31

Why was your DH’s dinner in the oven 80 minutes before he was due home, but the kids’ dinner wasn’t when they were already home?

rainyskylight · 21/01/2022 20:31

Honestly I would full on go silent treatment for this.

charliebear78 · 21/01/2022 20:31

Yes I would be annoyed-However My OH would not have left me out!-He would know better ;)

Cactusandmarshmallows · 21/01/2022 20:31

This thread is a reminder of how so many people - usually men - completely underestimate the mental load required to be the parent primarily responsible for meals.

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 21/01/2022 20:31

For all other situations, it would be waiting like it is ALWAYS the case when you are in a meeting and phones are on mute (which should be the case for all working meetings right?).

But having to have your phone on mute isn't the same as being totally uncontactable...

I'm self-employed now but I've never worked a job where I can't be reached - if I can't access/use my mobile, people have always been able to contact me via the company switchboard.

There is nothing unusual in the OP not answering her PERSONAL messages whilst she is working

I guess it depends on the job - I've never had a job where my husband couldn't reach me if necessary. My parents both worked in hospitals and I could always get in touch with them if I needed to - I just had to bleep them or ring switchboard and I'd be able to speak to them. I might have to wait 5-10 minutes but it's never been an impossibility.

Bentoforthehorde · 21/01/2022 20:31

I would be thrilled, mum of 4, housewife etc. Evening time without kids is very rare for me.
But in your shoes I'd be pissed off. I'd probably go out to a friend's for a bit because there was some wine that you had to drink NOW.
Ignoring a wine emergency is just dangerous for everyone OP, you could probably save the country but you must act quickly.

SalmonEile · 21/01/2022 20:32

He knew you’d be annoyed and did it anyway, he didn’t care if you were there or not …
Lol @ all the cool wives saying oh just go hop in the bath and drink wine!
The DH didn’t do this to give the OP “a break” presumably she still has to make herself food while everyone else gets treated?
I mean personally I’d love if my DH took my kids out so I could have some peace but I don’t actually like going out for dinner and it sounds like the OP does. If he’d brought them all to the cinema to a movie the OP would’ve like to have seen would the replies be different

PugInTheHouse · 21/01/2022 20:32

I have meetings most days at work, as does DH, we would expect to be uncontactable at various times throughout the day. It would be more odd to tell each other each time in our situation. The OP informed the DCs who are old enough to put dinner in oven and have phones, and be left unattended.

Loopytiles · 21/01/2022 20:33

He didn’t ‘do a lovely thing’ for the kids.

StormTreader · 21/01/2022 20:33

Why did they need to go NOW? It makes no sense that he couldn't have waited an hour if it was just a spontaneous thing.

I'd be concerned that he had a sneaky dinner reservation with someone else who cancelled last minute and he needed to use it to not be charged :/

Queenoftheashes · 21/01/2022 20:34

He’s a complete dick wtf. Why didn’t he wait for you?

MananaTomorrow · 21/01/2022 20:36

@fairylightsandwaxmelts, good for you.

I’m self employed and not contactable at all during the time I’m working with my clients.
I cannot and will not check messages, let alone PERSONAL messages.

Everyone has a different job. Because you can and do check your messages whilst in a meeting doesn’t mean other can and do.

Fwiw when I was employed, I would have been in trouble for checking texts, let alone personal messages, whilst in a meeting too.

Gilly12345 · 21/01/2022 20:36

I think it was a nice idea/gesture of his but yes I see your point of view.

It all sounds spontaneous and it would of been better to go tomorrow or Sunday especially as you had tonight’s meal planned.

Thatsplentyjack · 21/01/2022 20:37

I agree OP that's really shit. I wouldn't leave my partner out like that and I would be pretty annoyed if mine did it to me.

Thirtytimesround · 21/01/2022 20:37

He was being very unreasonable and rude to whisk the kids off for a family meal out at that little notice when you obviously couldn’t go.

QueBarbaridad · 21/01/2022 20:38

I’d be annoyed.

Pinkflask · 21/01/2022 20:38

DP is self employed and I work full time out of the home - I have a vague idea of what he’s doing each day but I don’t know the times or when he’s uncontactable as it just doesn’t affect me at all - so nothing odd about that.

He literally only had to wait ten minutes or so and the DC had told him? That’s so bloody rude and just plain weird.

Mo1911 · 21/01/2022 20:38

Wouldn't bother me at all. Sounds like the symptom of a bigger problem rather than the cause of the upset.

Original poster
Bellsandwhistle · 21/01/2022 20:38

Yes he’s pretty selfish generally and it’s what he wants when he wants it there was absolutely no reason why he couldn’t wait 20 min and we could agreed as dinner was in process we could eat out tmw night. How was it a lovely thing for the kids telling them
To ignore what I’d asked them to do and do something else with no respect for the effort of put in?!

OP posts:
MananaTomorrow · 21/01/2022 20:38

I mean, can you imagine your GP checking their messages in the middle of a consultation with a patient?
Or a consultant answering personal texts during their rounds?
A judge during a trial?
A teacher during their class?

There are many jobs where you can NOT answer texts.