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AIBU to tell my sister to not have a baby so near 50
182

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 20/01/2022 19:55

I know the answer is to mind my own godamn business but all the women in my family have world ending menopause and she's trying for her first at 48 with fertility treatment.
I just know she will be having a horrific menopause in a couple of years with one or two very young children and I dont know how she will cope.
Has anyone else gone through the menopause with young children and how was it?

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Ovenaffray · 20/01/2022 19:56

Why is this your business?

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vodkaredbullgirl · 20/01/2022 19:58

It's up to her what she does.

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redpandaalert · 20/01/2022 19:58

It’s so unlikely the fertility treatment will work. No certainty on how her menopause will be. She must be very desperate to have fertility treatment at his age she needs your support not criticism.

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ShinyMe · 20/01/2022 19:58

Why on earth would you 'tell' her rather than just suggest it when she asks for your opinion?

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PaulRuddsWife · 20/01/2022 19:59

It's none of your business really. But I would imagine the chances of her getting pregnant at 48, even with help, are slim to none.

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FionnulaTheCooler · 20/01/2022 19:59

I can't think of anything worse than having a newborn when I'm pushing 50, but you can't dictate what she does. Is fertility treatment even likely to succeed at her age anyway?

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bengalcat · 20/01/2022 20:00

Unless she using donor eggs chances of pregnancy are negligible

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DirtyDancing · 20/01/2022 20:00

Why don't you just be there for her & support her decision instead. Her chances at 48 are very slim. She may need you to be there for her, rather than to judge her and tell her what to do

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Wrenna · 20/01/2022 20:01

I went through it at 40, ds was 2. I sailed through it, didn’t even know I had it until my period stopped and I wasn’t pregnant.

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Aimee1987 · 20/01/2022 20:02

@redpandaalert

It’s so unlikely the fertility treatment will work. No certainty on how her menopause will be. She must be very desperate to have fertility treatment at his age she needs your support not criticism.

This
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Flocon · 20/01/2022 20:02

Why the fuck are you "telling" her anything. You don't own her. She's not a child. Just support her or discuss your concerns but support her.

Some sister you are.

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Pegasushaswings · 20/01/2022 20:02

You should mind your own, I assume she has fertility problems to have started ttc now so why deny her the chance to be a mother?

I had a baby at 48 and yes I’m knackered but I don’t regret it for a minute, the worst part is everyone damn well commenting on my age all the time. If I could have had a baby earlier, of course I would have but it took till then to achieve a full term pg

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TataMamma · 20/01/2022 20:03

Presumably she must be using donor eggs. There's basically no chance of success otherwise. I don't disagree with you OP, but your sister is not going to change her mind (rightly or wrongly) with anything you say, and all you are going to do is potentially damage the relationship you have with her, so what's the point.
And even with donor eggs her chances aren't great.

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MsMeNz · 20/01/2022 20:05

Yeah as others have said her chances without going donor egg are next to none. So save any upset with her. 🤷 I am sure she would have througt about this and decided to go ahead anyway. I'd think my sister was a loon but k wouldn't say anything to her in this situation.

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CustardGoodJamGoodMeatGood · 20/01/2022 20:07

Don't think it's any of your business really. Keep your nose out and support her rather than criticising. It won't be you running around after said child if things work out for her. Chances are it won't work with her eggs but she I'm sure she's probably finding the whole process tough without anyone going against her.

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KurtWilde · 20/01/2022 20:07

Well you don't 'know' she'll have a 'world ending menopause' just because other women in the family have. And it's really none of your business if she's choosing to start a family at 48. You don't get to 'tell' her anything.

My auntie had her first baby at 39 and her last baby at 47. No issues conceiving. and said she sailed through menopause.

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NorthSouthcatlady · 20/01/2022 20:08

None of your business! Fertility treatment is a very personal decision and it’s not really something to debate -unless you’re the partner / husband / fiancé. As others have rightly said the odds with her using her own eggs are probably about 1%, no guarantees with donor eggs either

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Tmwtgg · 20/01/2022 20:10

@Shehasadiamondinthesky

I know the answer is to mind my own godamn business but all the women in my family have world ending menopause and she's trying for her first at 48 with fertility treatment.
I just know she will be having a horrific menopause in a couple of years with one or two very young children and I dont know how she will cope.
Has anyone else gone through the menopause with young children and how was it?

And what exactly do you plan to do with the info? Tell your sister that a load of randoms on the internet agree with you that she shouldn't try and have children?

You answered your own question; mind your own business.
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NeverDropYourMooncup · 20/01/2022 20:11

If she did conceive, it's probably a damn sight easier to have the symptoms with a small child than it is to have them with a raging teenager. Especially as she's more likely to have access to HRT quickly rather than your relatives have.

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NeverChange · 20/01/2022 20:11

It's her decision and none of your business.

Your support would probably be better than your judgement.

Not everyone has horrific menopause either. I'm sure she has taken everything into consideration herself before making her decision.

If she is trying at 48, she must have a very strong desire to have a child and this means a hell of a lot to her. Try to be empathetic and support. Right now she has enough challenges without them being compounded by your criticism.

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HeyUpits2022 · 20/01/2022 20:12

Please don't tell her anything. If your sister asks for your opinion then gently say it wouldn't be ideal for you.

She is trying to concieve her first child, she knows that eventually she'll be in Menopause Hell, and she probably doesn't know how she'll cope either. But if (and its a big if) all goes well, then she'll find her way. It's not unheard of for 50 year old women to become pregnant.

I'm 47, I have a 5 year old and I'm peri-menopausal, there are good days and bad days!

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TakeMe2Insanity · 20/01/2022 20:12

Unless you have anything nice to say, say nothing at all.

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Cocomarine · 20/01/2022 20:13

“World ending menopause”
Drama llama, much?
You can’t possibly know how she will find menopause, what treatment she’ll want and have.

I had some miscarriages and then IVF so had mine later than I planned. Result is we’re currently going through teen behaviour and menopause at the same time. Perhaps I shouldn’t have gone for that IVF?

You’re being ridiculous.

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Flapjak · 20/01/2022 20:14

HRT will be her friend!

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TearifficTaz · 20/01/2022 20:15

Not sure what planet other posters are on

In most functional families you can be blunt and honest with your siblings

OP id speak to her and just gauge whether she has fully considered this risk

Her chances are slim for the fertility treatment so it might not come to it in the end anyway

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