To have sent this message to MIL

[RXI3]

For background, I work part time, DP works full time, we have 2 DC age 2.5 & 4 and life is pretty hectic at the minute.

It has become like an unorganised arrangement that DPs half sister (9) comes most nights for dinner, comes to our house at the weekend etc... and it is just getting too much.

My DC like playing with her sometimes but she can be incredibly bossy with them and my eldest daughter doesn't like it. She will over ride my parenting, is the best way to describe it, for example if DC leave their dinner I will say "its ok, we can try again later" and lets call her S, will say "no, I will feed you your dinner" and continue to shove a spoon in DC face no matter how politely I ask her not to.

We can only let the dog in the garden if the gate is shut, she will open the back door without asking and twice now the dog has got out. Again, I've politely reminded her and asked her not to without checking the gate is actually shut but nothing changes.

She wanted DD (4) to play a game of play pretend which involved a 'cheating boyfriend' so I reminded her of DDs age and that it isn't really appropriate to play like that with her.

I asked S and my DC not to go in our bedroom as we had Xmas presents on top of the wardrobe not yet hidden, DC can't open the door. S opened it then said she didn't mean to, but she would have no reason to be near the door. There has been numerous times she has took toys off DD to make her cry so she can comfort her.

She has put hairspray on DD when I asked her not to which resulted it in getting in DDs eyes

Although it is nice to have S round and let all the children play together it is so hard when DC just don't want to play with her and she is going against everything I ask her not to do.

I haven't had a reply yet but I text MIL along the lines of we don't mind watching S for you but it is always at short notice and with our own stresses of work etc, we are struggling, perhaps DC could come to you sometimes or we could go out somewhere instead.

DP is on the same page as me, I just hope MIL understands.

I would like to add that, that is definitely not typical behaviour of a 9 year old. It is more like the behaviour of someone much much younger. And obviously I dont know what it is like where you live, but I would, and I do t know anyone else where I live who would just let their 9 year old wander around the streets flitting from their friends house to their brothers without their parents knowing exactly where they are. You haven't said what your mil is like as a person or
how she is as a parent beyond her being a CF. I feel very sorry for your brother's little sister. She can't be happy at home if she spends so much time at yours. Does her brother spend much time with her 121? She sounds like she needs someone to show her done attention - I absolutely wouldn't expect you too as you very much have your hands full already.x

@RXI3

Also I know it's normal for children to behave like this sometimes. It's just the boundaries being broken, not behaving nicely in my home that I think isn't right.

This is not normal behaviour and is down to parenting. My 9 year old does not behave like this because we have boundaries at home and so she knows she has to respect boundaries at other people's houses. Sadly I do see children behave like this but don't write it off as normal, if you wouldn't accept your own children behaving like this, you don't want her as a role model for them.

Your house, your rules. At 9, SIL is old enough to understand this.

If she forces feeds your DC after you've said no. Physically remove the spoon with a firm "I said no"
If she pulls the toys away, "Sil that was mean, if you continue, you'll have to go home" and mean it.
If she continues to open the door and lets the dog out, then send her home.
Don't automatically feed her. "It's time to go home as it's DC's dinner time and your Mum will have yours ready"
Read the riot act regarding your room and any other rules your wish to enforce and tell her that if she can't behave, she wont2be coming to play.