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I don't want to people think i’m show off. Please help!!
229

NRRK28 · 18/01/2022 23:32

In 4 weeks my son gonna have a birthday party. He is 6 years old and we gonna have it in the softplay arena. I’ve been living in the uk for 8 years and not have many uk friends. Most of my friends are from indonesia which where i came from.

My culture is very different from here. Little bit about me so you can understand why i’m confused. I’ve been living in england for 8 years and i’m from indonesia. Me and dh have good career and have a good life here. In Indonesia we love big party. Big very grand party. When i was in indonesia i invited 200 guests for my son first birthday and in there it was normal.

So in 4 weeks i’m doing a birthday party for my son in softplay arena. Because i used to have big party so i just do what i usually do without thinking twice. Until one of my friend who is a school mum said i’m too much and people can be mistaken i try to show off. To be honest i dont even realise about it. I dont have any means to showing off.

I wanna ask what do you think about it. Do i look like i’m showing off??

  1. I designed the birthday invitation and thank you card myself and print it out with proper card paper. Every invitation got different kids name on it.

  2. I do a balloon gate, ballon arch for the decorations and also big theme backdrop on the birthday.

  3. For the birthday bag fillers. I give personalised stickers, tattoo, book, bubble, playdoh, candies, chocolate, crisps. And also the bag itself personalised with my son initial on it.

    Do you think i’m too much???. Also last week my son invited to his friend birthday party. I bought smiggle bag cost me £35 for present and my friend tell me i’m too much. To be honest i dont mind to spend that much. This is the same friend who tell me i’m too much. She keeps saying it all the time and makes me wonder am i too much??. I dont want people think i’m showing off especially the parents in school.

    Thank you
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Am I being unreasonable?

AIBU

You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.

Cocomarine · 18/01/2022 23:35

I think you sound lovely, and like someone who loves a party!
I had 70 kids at my daughter’s 6th - and I’m British 😀

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Flutterflybutterby · 18/01/2022 23:37

In the kindest way possible, it might come across a 'trying too hard' which is, I think, a very British thing (I now live in Asia and have found there's no real concept of someone trying too hard and it being a negative thing! Here, people appreciate a lot of effort!). So I understand what you mean, and also what your friend means that it might be considered slightly strange in the UK. People won't necessarily think you're showing off but they might wonder why you're trying quite so hard.

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BluebellsGreenbells · 18/01/2022 23:37

The issue isn’t showing off, it’s just parents can’t afford to replicate or reciprocate the party - so they feel embarrassed to offer 3 kids a trip to the soon and a bag of chips.

If you don’t have many friends how will you get the big numbers for such a party?

If it’s 10 friends then they don’t need huge balloon arches, they wouldn’t notice it.

They just want to let off steam and have fun.

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RaoulDufysCat · 18/01/2022 23:39

Everything sounds totally fine apart from the £35 Smiggle present. I would limit to £10-15 at that age, maybe £20 for a very close friend. Nobody is expecting a £35 present and I bet the parents are probably thinking 'argh more tat'.

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KylieKoKo · 18/01/2022 23:40

I don't think your friend sounds very nice. I think she's jealous you can afford this and using the fact that you're from a different culture to "other" you.

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AffIt · 18/01/2022 23:45

I'm Scottish, but have lived in South and East Asia (Pakistan, Japan and Korea) and South America, and I remember being massively overwhelmed by parties for fairly 'bog standard' occasions (by British standards) at the time!

This is just a version of 'cut your cultural cloth to suit your pocket' - I've enjoyed terrific parties when living overseas, BUT within a certain cultural context. I wouldn't throw a wedding party to match some of the amazing Pakistani weddings I've been to, because I'm not Pakistani.

Can you take some elements of your culture and blend them in?

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musicalfrog · 18/01/2022 23:45

I don't see a problem with any the above with the exception of the balloon archway. Unnecessary, wasteful and really bad for the environment. I would roll my eyes at that.

But of course I accept different families have differing incomes and wouldn't judge anyone for spending a bit more on their child's party.

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AffIt · 18/01/2022 23:46

@Flutterflybutterby

In the kindest way possible, it might come across a 'trying too hard' which is, I think, a very British thing (I now live in Asia and have found there's no real concept of someone trying too hard and it being a negative thing! Here, people appreciate a lot of effort!). So I understand what you mean, and also what your friend means that it might be considered slightly strange in the UK. People won't necessarily think you're showing off but they might wonder why you're trying quite so hard.

Aye, for sure.
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Neveranynamesleft · 18/01/2022 23:47

Some will say you are buying friends ( especially if you dont have many ), some will say you are showing off, some will be uncomfortable with the gifts and probably wont be able to give a gift back of a similar value. Lots of different things to think about here really. You can do what you like with your own money and for your child but .......my view would be you should just hold back a little.
Does a 6 year old notice all the fancy stuff at a party ??
Maybe save yourself all the time and effort and stick to nice basics.

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FrecklesMalone · 18/01/2022 23:47

Please don't do a balloon gate. They are such an environmentally unfriendly thing to do.

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Changednamesorry · 18/01/2022 23:51

She's a jealous bitch and you sound fabulous Smile

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Oldnews · 18/01/2022 23:54

I don't think you should moderate what is a lovely and joyful part of your culture to fit in over here. Enjoy your celebrations in the way that feels best for you and your family and have fun! For what it's worth, I live in a low income area and birthdays with personalised items, balloon arches, soft play etc are the norm round here so I don't think it's the case that british people don't do these things as a rule.
On the expensive birthday gift, "it's too much" "you shouldn't have" could be interpreted as a way of just saying thank you for a generous gift.
Enjoy your little ones birthday - it's only once a year :)

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Pat123dev · 19/01/2022 00:03

You do you....if people don't like it, they can piss off.

I think it sounds fabulous- wish my kids could experience some of your culture.

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DiddyHeck · 19/01/2022 00:08

Honestly, I was expecting some great big grand affair until you got to the very basic party arrangements. Your friend's thinking is very strange Confused

I live in a very deprived/poor area and what you describe is a totally standard party, including the balloon arches which everyone orders from FB sellers and they'll often given them away straight after in the 'free' FB local groups.

The Smiggle gift was a bit too expensive in my eyes but not massively so.

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cheesytoast666 · 19/01/2022 00:08

It's your child's birthday, you should celebrate it however you want. Sounds like you put a lot of thought and effort into it, why shouldn't you?!

If someone was inviting my child to a party like that I would say omg this is amazing!!! Not 'I think this is too much'...sounds like abit jealous to me to be honest.

Your just throwing a really good well thought out party which you are paying for and it's your child. Good for you! Your hardly hiring a private jet for people to be asking questions.

Enjoy your party op

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ABitOfAShitShow · 19/01/2022 00:10

Do what makes you and your kid happy! You sound great! Smile

The one element to hold back on is the present value - people always feel pressured to match it.

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UndertheCedartree · 19/01/2022 00:12

The party sounds normal. The Smiggle bag for a school friend birthday gift is a lot more than most would spend.

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thaegumathteth · 19/01/2022 00:13

I would cut back on the cost of presents but otherwise I do all of what you've said in the past and I'm British. I'd imagine people do think I try too hard but I don't really care. I make a big deal of birthdays.

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StopStartStop · 19/01/2022 00:14

It sounds fabulous and will be a real 'experience' for children who haven't been to an Indonesian-scale party before. Balloon arch, everything. Your child, your party, your warm-hearted hospitality - sounds great. Do it your way.

Reminds me that around 1960 I went to a London-style party put on for a boy by his southern mother - i remember it over 60 years later (we'd have been around three years old) and I remember her because of it.

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Gunpowder · 19/01/2022 00:15

I think you sound generous and fun.

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DiddyHeck · 19/01/2022 00:15

I don't even get how it's try hard though.

Nearly every home has a printer or the parents have access to one and personalised party backs are really cheap to order online.

OP, I hope you don't read that as me saying your party is 'cheap' or anything like that. I'm just literally saying it's very normal and run-of-the-mill.

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DiddyHeck · 19/01/2022 00:15

*party bags

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Forgotthespuds · 19/01/2022 00:17

It sounds great. I hope your son has a wonderful birthday.

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Leonthelobster · 19/01/2022 00:18

It’s sounds like it’s going to be fabulous and the kids will have a great time. Everyone does things differently and just because you have big events other people don’t have to do the same for their kids. My kids went to some really grand parties and some very ordinary parties in their friends houses with lemonade, sandwiches, sausage rolls and a supermarket birthday cake. There’d be a few games like pass the parcel, musical chairs etc a little party bag and a slice of cake to take home. The kids just went along with whatever type of party it was and just enjoyed themselves. Don’t apologise for having the type of party you are used to having . Hope you all have a great time. It’s nothing to do with your friend. Do what makes you happy.

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AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 19/01/2022 00:23

@Changednamesorry

She's a jealous bitch and you sound fabulous Smile

This
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