I don't want to people think i’m show off. Please help!!

[NRRK28]

In 4 weeks my son gonna have a birthday party. He is 6 years old and we gonna have it in the softplay arena. I’ve been living in the uk for 8 years and not have many uk friends. Most of my friends are from indonesia which where i came from.

My culture is very different from here. Little bit about me so you can understand why i’m confused. I’ve been living in england for 8 years and i’m from indonesia. Me and dh have good career and have a good life here. In Indonesia we love big party. Big very grand party. When i was in indonesia i invited 200 guests for my son first birthday and in there it was normal.

So in 4 weeks i’m doing a birthday party for my son in softplay arena. Because i used to have big party so i just do what i usually do without thinking twice. Until one of my friend who is a school mum said i’m too much and people can be mistaken i try to show off. To be honest i dont even realise about it. I dont have any means to showing off.

I wanna ask what do you think about it. Do i look like i’m showing off??

1. I designed the birthday invitation and thank you card myself and print it out with proper card paper. Every invitation got different kids name on it.

1. I do a balloon gate, ballon arch for the decorations and also big theme backdrop on the birthday.

1. For the birthday bag fillers. I give personalised stickers, tattoo, book, bubble, playdoh, candies, chocolate, crisps. And also the bag itself personalised with my son initial on it.

Do you think i’m too much???. Also last week my son invited to his friend birthday party. I bought smiggle bag cost me £35 for present and my friend tell me i’m too much. To be honest i dont mind to spend that much. This is the same friend who tell me i’m too much. She keeps saying it all the time and makes me wonder am i too much??. I dont want people think i’m showing off especially the parents in school.

Thank you

Just be yourself. My kids would have loved a party like that. The only thing I wouldn't do is give expensive presents as people feel awkward about reciprocating. Your friend sounds either jealous or a bit of a misery.

It sounds great. It’s your son and if you want to spend a lot of time and money on decorations and invites that’s up to you. Some parents might think it’s a little ‘extra’ but not showing off. £35 for a present for non family is too much, most parents spend £10 absolute max for school friends presents. It can get very expensive as they got a lot of invites

The balloon arch is too much. The other things are fine.
I'd limit gifts for other kids parties to £10 otherwise it's embarrassing for the other parents. A smiggle bag is the kind of thing a parent or grandparent would buy for the child.

Sounds ok to me. Each to their own. Enjoy!

Cancel the balloon arch. Its completely unnecessary and I'm surprised they are letting you bring one to a softplay.
Stick to £10-£20 max for other kids birthday presents.

It sounds lovely to me :) If you can afford it then why not?

The most unreasonable thing is the amount of single use plastic🙈….BUT, yes - it’s extravagant but I’m sure it’ll be ok. Are you in London? In which case totally fine!!

I think everything sounds great, except maybe the expensive present, but that's only because if you buy someone a present the might feel they have to reciprocate with something of similar value. If they can't afford that they will feel bad.

But all the balloons, party bag, homemade invite etc. - that sounds wonderful and I think anyone having a problem with it is probably jealous.

I'm doing soft play as my son set his heart on it (I'm one of those British grumps who don't like soft play). There is a theme which I'll get a (supermarket) cake for and did get paper bags to go along with the theme. It's not that unusual for a party near me to have more children (there will be 12) or a low key theme.

I've had personalised bags, smaller and bigger parties (held and attended) so I don't think your party is hugely over the top. I have found making it clear that gifts aren't necessary helps as for my eldest's fifth I was so sad to find one of her good friends didn't come because they couldn't stretch to a gift. I do give smaller budget gifts to party children (i spend around £15).
I hope it's a lovely party

Did you tell this friend all the details about how you designed the invite, what's in the party bag etc? If so that be where you are going wrong in her eyes, and it probably does sound like you are showing off "I'm doing this and this and this etc." Better not to tell people and just do what you want and if they comment just brush it off with an "oh I just like planning parties", it's when you sound like your boasting about all the things you brought and made that it might rub some people up the wrong way. On the other hand it's your friend's issue if she is feeling that way!

this all sounds lovely, because you sound genuinely excited about your son’s birthday and making it a nice day for everyone. i think go ahead and do what you want to do!

You sound lovely and fun. Is your friend genuinely trying to help or criticising you?

It's definitely more than most people do. But it's up to you whether that bothers you or not! I think in the UK, it's mainly wannabe social media Z list "celebrities" who tend to go all out with balloon arches etc (for the insta pics 😏) which is probably where the negative connotation comes from.

I think most people will recognise it's a cultural difference (we're well used to seeing amazing, elaborate Asian weddings for many hundred guests for example). A few people will certainly mutter that you've gone "way overboard", but tbh it's almost impossible to please those sorts anyway 🤷‍♀️

If its your culture then do whay works for you. It could be a good way to inform people of philipino culture. The only thing that wiuld make people uncomfortable would be a 35 pound present as people may not be able to afford to reciprocate and the standard is 5-10 for kids parties in a working-middle class area

@Blinkingbatshit

The most unreasonable thing is the amount of single use plastic🙈….BUT, yes - it’s extravagant but I’m sure it’ll be ok. Are you in London? In which case totally fine!!

Agree- the "rules" in London (and parts of the home counties) are very different from the rest of the country!

Your friend doesn't sound like a very good friend.
I wouldnt think what you were doing was too much if I were invited. I'd be impressed.
Don't change for other people.

I do a balloon gate, ballon arch for the decorations and also big theme backdrop on the birthday.

The rest sounds fine but please reconsider this for the sake of the environment. Balloons are an environmental disaster. Also, some children are scared of them.

I think your party sounds amazing! I love it when my 7yr old ds gets invited to parties like these especially as his siblings are welcomed too! I am envious that you find the energy to do it.
My ds has been to lots of parties for children whose parents are Nigerian and they are the most luxurious, welcoming and amazing parties!
Good for you 😀

@Toomuchstuffwillkillme I know this was a long time ago, but my grandmother used to tell us of her birthday parties when she was little. Her brother was 11 months younger than her, and they would have a joint party. Their parents were wealthy socialites and everyone who was anyone was invited. they used to get a lot of presents. They used to keep one or two each and then used to go to the children's hospital the next day to distribute the rest.
She never had any resentment for that. They knew they didn't need and were giving to those who needed!

Oh and I am not in London - bog standard primary school in a bog standard town in the midlands .

I don't think this sounds too much, but I'm in London (not a posh area though) where anything goes.

Over the primary years I definitely noticed that some of my DC's non-British-origin friends had bigger, more expensive parties than many of the white British children. Expensive cakes, professional catering (incl for visiting parents), lavish entertainment and longer parties.

I might privately think that yours was slightly excessive but we would gratefully have accepted your hospitality and have had a great time.

I do agree that £35 is too much to spend on a classmate's present though; £20 tops would be more appropriate to avoid embarrassing your less wealthy British friends.

@Blinkingbatshit

The most unreasonable thing is the amount of single use plastic🙈….BUT, yes - it’s extravagant but I’m sure it’ll be ok. Are you in London? In which case totally fine!!

I’m not in london. We are in cambridge. And we live not in the affluent area. More like middle class areas.

No you're not showing off, these days kids parties are usually OTT for the SM pictures.
I doubt anyone would comment.
Enjoy the party.

@Joinedforthis22

Did you tell this friend all the details about how you designed the invite, what's in the party bag etc? If so that be where you are going wrong in her eyes, and it probably does sound like you are showing off "I'm doing this and this and this etc." Better not to tell people and just do what you want and if they comment just brush it off with an "oh I just like planning parties", it's when you sound like your boasting about all the things you brought and made that it might rub some people up the wrong way. On the other hand it's your friend's issue if she is feeling that way!

I ask her where can i print the invitations for my son birthday because my printer is broken. And i quote what she said here “why you need to make it yourself and print it? I think its a bit too much. Just bought cheap invitation from tesco or asda”

To be honest i dont even know they sell invitation there.

And she ask me again what do i plan for the party. And i tell her about everything and ask about her opinion. Then she said i’m too much 🥲🥲

I don’t understand why people say that you’re trying too hard when you’re only doing what you normally do at home. For whatever reason some people will always get jealous, like your friend appears to be. Enjoy the party, it sounds like a lot of fun. I have very fond memories of your beautiful country & it’s people. When the kids broke up from school they all wanted their pics taken with my husband & shirts signed by him. No idea why, someone said it was because he was tall. We felt like we were famous 😆