I don't want to people think i’m show off. Please help!!

[NRRK28]

In 4 weeks my son gonna have a birthday party. He is 6 years old and we gonna have it in the softplay arena. I’ve been living in the uk for 8 years and not have many uk friends. Most of my friends are from indonesia which where i came from.

My culture is very different from here. Little bit about me so you can understand why i’m confused. I’ve been living in england for 8 years and i’m from indonesia. Me and dh have good career and have a good life here. In Indonesia we love big party. Big very grand party. When i was in indonesia i invited 200 guests for my son first birthday and in there it was normal.

So in 4 weeks i’m doing a birthday party for my son in softplay arena. Because i used to have big party so i just do what i usually do without thinking twice. Until one of my friend who is a school mum said i’m too much and people can be mistaken i try to show off. To be honest i dont even realise about it. I dont have any means to showing off.

I wanna ask what do you think about it. Do i look like i’m showing off??

1. I designed the birthday invitation and thank you card myself and print it out with proper card paper. Every invitation got different kids name on it.

1. I do a balloon gate, ballon arch for the decorations and also big theme backdrop on the birthday.

1. For the birthday bag fillers. I give personalised stickers, tattoo, book, bubble, playdoh, candies, chocolate, crisps. And also the bag itself personalised with my son initial on it.

Do you think i’m too much???. Also last week my son invited to his friend birthday party. I bought smiggle bag cost me £35 for present and my friend tell me i’m too much. To be honest i dont mind to spend that much. This is the same friend who tell me i’m too much. She keeps saying it all the time and makes me wonder am i too much??. I dont want people think i’m showing off especially the parents in school.

Thank you

No one rolled their eyes, everyone had fun,

To be fair, you can't tell if anyone rolled their eyes. The whole point of being British is to do so behind the person's back but pretend to love it.

I live in a really diverse area and birthday celebrations range from just siblings to huge 60 kids taking over a play centre.
I don’t judge anyone and I’ve not felt judged.
I make and print invites because I hate writing them by hand. I do themed party bags and cakes because DD8 loves it and we do it together! When she’s off for pizza with her mates and disowning me I’ll be glad for those moment.
I agree with PP that parties get smaller, we’ve gone from big joint parties in a church hall to a smaller group doing an activity.
But you should feel free to be you. You sound like you have a good heart.

OP I know a (British) Mum who has a similar attitude to you, everyone thinks she’s fabulous. I dread to think what she spends on her kids’ parties but it’s her money to spend! And she always gives all the decorations etc away free on FB afterwards.

She also buys insanely expensive gifts for the kids (never mind a £35 bag, she spent £60 on my DD’s gift once which I only know because I then saw the item in a shop and was completely ) I’m sure she spends more on the party bag that comes home with my child than I spend on her child’s present. But nobody minds, least of all her - she always sends such a nice thank you message. She wants to do lavish, she doesn’t expect it in return and nobody else feels they need to ‘live up’ to her. Don’t worry about this!

The thing with “biodegradable” balloons is they don’t actually actually biodegrade. Studies have been done that show IF they are composted, 16/20 weeks later they are still in the state they went into the compost. But, even if they did degrade as they should, how many people are doing to compost them? 0 I’m betting, they’ll go into a bin, into landfill and incinerated or left to fester for the rest of eternity.

Also, remember that many people live in poverty and your party bags sound expensive. So you will be judged for wasting money.
I’m living paycheck to paycheck. If someone was to throw a party like this and give my little one an expensive party gift I wouldn’t judge them for wasting money, I’d think it was lovely that they want to treat the children, as I couldn’t do it myself. There’s bigger wastes of money than putting a smile on children’s faces.

@ZenNudist

Seen your update.

To the poster who said what will you do as your dc get older, well around here the parties become smaller throughout primary. By the time they are in year 6 it's small numbers of dc. You might do expensive activities like kayaking in the summer, or we did go karts one year, climbing parties etc. Often it Canberra low key parties. Each one is lovely for the child involved.

If I were you OP and you can afford it, I wouldn't worry about showing off. I'd keep the balloon arch or get something else fun (how about hire a person to make balloon animals or face paint? Sometimes soft play centres here offer that, also having someone dress up as a favourite Disney character).

You only get a short time to do this fun stuff. If you don't have other young dc then make the most of it. It quickly become cinema and nandos ( we are not quite there yet I want my dc to do fun kids stuff whilst they are still kids).

Now at age 14, DS2 just wants to take his birthday money and go shopping and for lunch with his friends. This year he actually didn't even get around to that. I think he's over birthdays!

I think you sound great! Some people love a big party. It's not your fault if other people think it's 'too much' and you definitely shouldn't change just to fit it with another persons idea of how you should do things.
If anything, your friend sounds abit jealous or envious.

I remember going to DS3's Peruvian friend's 5th birthday party, they held it in their restaurant from 6pm-9pm and didn't provide food, you had to order it! I couldn't afford that and hadn't brought money anyway, I took my 2 famished children to the 24 hour shop afterwards and bought them sandwiches. It would have been OK if they'd warned us on the invitation.

I'm doing (well, making) loads of unnecessary crap for my daughter's upcoming party, because it's fun, because I love her and want her to enjoy it and because it makes her party memorable for her. I've always done this. Probably some parents who brings kids to her parties think I'm a ginormous show off. I give zero fucks about this. The party is for her and her friends. They are happy = I am happy.
Stop worrying, you sound lovely - and if my kid were lucky enough to go to one of your parties I would immediately bond with you over the fun of going all out on a party. Soon enough I will be escorting six sulky pre teens to a bowling alley and trying not to exist so I don't embarrass them. Enjoy it while you can!

@TheresSomebodyAtTheDoorNeil

Why's everyone wobbling on about balloon arches and helium? They don't have helium in them

Something to virtue signal about.

Totally agree 👍😂

Haven't read the full thread, but it sounds like your 'friend' doesn't want you to set the bar too high, for her own selfish reasons. Do what makes you and your DS happy and ignore your friend's comments. Your party sounds lovely.

[quote BayesBlues]@ItsAlwaysThere

It's the "Janteloven" in practice! They get them young!!
www.in-formality.com/wiki/index.php?title=Janteloven_(Denmark,_Norway_and_Sweden)[/quote]
There's nothing on that page.

The problem with the cost of the presents is that other parents will feel some pressure to reciprocate.
I'd say 5-15 pounds (or euros, in my case) is about right for a school mate's party.

The problem with all the effort you put in the party is that other parents may feel they can't match it (most won't want to and won't be bothered either).

Just shrug your shoulders and say you love parties. Nobody else has to match it.

@ANameChangeAgain

You aren't over the top. This is very outing, so I'll have to name change but we held my dd's 6th birthday at a National Trust stately home. We dressed her as Cinderella (it was a fancy dress party) and she arrived on a horse and carriage (which was actually a well timed local guy providing a shuttle service). No one rolled their eyes, everyone had fun, parents and children all had plenty to eat and we weren't accused of being too much.

Oh believe me, people rolled their eyes

@TheLovelinessOfDemons

Yeah, the automatic link thing didn't work because of the comma in the address. Copy and paste. Or just Google janteloven or the law of Jante.

What uv arranged sounds great and I don't see it as ott. I'd probably just think U clearly had plenty of money but I wouldn't think ur trying to show off as such though. I do agree she might be a bit jealous either that or personally thinks it's a waste of money, who knows.

The £35 gift is a bit much though. £10-£15 is the norm for a party maybe a bit more for a friend £20. The problem is other parents may feel they need to reciprocate and can't afford it.

Honestly op please don’t cancel things to try and fit in. You do what you want. Children are happy to fit in with any birthday celebration (whether it’s tea at someone’s house or a big birthday bash), it’s the parents who have the issues.

@Vallmo47 totally get that. and it’s bound to be weird to try and issue a party invite while also stressing that grand presents are not expected!

Never mind what others think, do YOUR child’s party the way YOU want to. I have always gone big and crazy for my DCs, I really don’t care what others think.

Honestly it's your party , your way.

When I first started, we fed everyone, including the adults until I realised that was not done. However, I carried on, as in our culture no one goes hungry. I think it's lovely for children to experience how other people do things and it's ok to do things a little differently as long as it is done with an open heart.

I think it's lovely for children to experience how other people do things and it's ok to do things a little differently as long as it is done with an open heart.

^ completely agree with this.

There’s nothing snobby or over the top about custom themed invitations on card stock. Everyone and her dog can use Publisher; one can even buy fancy templates to fill in.

Oh believe me, people rolled their eyes at a 6yo being indulged on her Birthday, I doubt it. Which one are you, the inverted snob or the jealous type?

As I said, you do you. I have family members who do these kind of parties but personally I don't do these things because we live in an area where there are people from mixed economical background. I personally think it is being considerate towards others who can't afford these kind of things. We do every thing for our child..but we prefer to do it in private. And our child knows that they are not lacking anything either.