I don't want to people think i’m show off. Please help!!

[NRRK28]

In 4 weeks my son gonna have a birthday party. He is 6 years old and we gonna have it in the softplay arena. I’ve been living in the uk for 8 years and not have many uk friends. Most of my friends are from indonesia which where i came from.

My culture is very different from here. Little bit about me so you can understand why i’m confused. I’ve been living in england for 8 years and i’m from indonesia. Me and dh have good career and have a good life here. In Indonesia we love big party. Big very grand party. When i was in indonesia i invited 200 guests for my son first birthday and in there it was normal.

So in 4 weeks i’m doing a birthday party for my son in softplay arena. Because i used to have big party so i just do what i usually do without thinking twice. Until one of my friend who is a school mum said i’m too much and people can be mistaken i try to show off. To be honest i dont even realise about it. I dont have any means to showing off.

I wanna ask what do you think about it. Do i look like i’m showing off??

1. I designed the birthday invitation and thank you card myself and print it out with proper card paper. Every invitation got different kids name on it.
   

1. I do a balloon gate, ballon arch for the decorations and also big theme backdrop on the birthday.
   

1. For the birthday bag fillers. I give personalised stickers, tattoo, book, bubble, playdoh, candies, chocolate, crisps. And also the bag itself personalised with my son initial on it.
   

Do you think i’m too much???. Also last week my son invited to his friend birthday party. I bought smiggle bag cost me £35 for present and my friend tell me i’m too much. To be honest i dont mind to spend that much. This is the same friend who tell me i’m too much. She keeps saying it all the time and makes me wonder am i too much??. I dont want people think i’m showing off especially the parents in school.

Thank you

[Phineyj]

Cambridge is full of highly educated scientists and eco types so probably more normal to come across eco comments on plastic stuff for parties.

[Vallmo47]

I would feel uncomfortable OP. You are welcome to spend as much as you like on your child’s party but I would want to be fair to other kids parties I’ve been to and gift a fiver (or thereabouts) and a card. I would feel uncomfortable seeing the scale of the party. If my child received the Smiggle bag I’d be pretty mortified - no way would I be able to afford to spend similar. It’s not nice making someone else feel tight and that would be how I’d feel.
I don’t think your friend should comment about your choices but if she was ASKED then it’s fair enough that she was honest with you.

[Brj1698]

Your party sounds great!
I saw something the other day that said you will never regret celebrating too much which is so true x

[Bakewelltart987]

I think all the balloons are a bit much for a soft play centre but otherwise everything else is fine. Everyone gives party bag and invitations out just because you made them doesn't mean your showing off.

[snackodactyl]

@Vallmo47 i think that’s assuming the OP expects similar presents in return for her DC. my understanding is she wants everyone to feel welcome and enjoy themselves more than the gift giving.

[NRRK28]

@FrankGrillosWrist

I don’t understand why people say that you’re trying too hard when you’re only doing what you normally do at home. For whatever reason some people will always get jealous, like your friend appears to be. Enjoy the party, it sounds like a lot of fun. I have very fond memories of your beautiful country & it’s people. When the kids broke up from school they all wanted their pics taken with my husband & shirts signed by him. No idea why, someone said it was because he was tall. We felt like we were famous 😆

Hahaa. This often happened. Indonesia is a big country. There still community living inside deep forest without electricity etc. Also if you go outside the capital there are soo many people who never see foreigners before and they will amaze by foreigner. But i love my country soo many different culture there. Where did you go?

[Luredbyapomegranate]

Sounds fine to me OP. Lots of people have quite big birthday dos for kids these days. I’d treat this ‘friend’ with caution.

[Blondebakingmumma]

I’ve heard that Indonesian Wedding are epic events with mountains of delicious home made food. Don’t worry about what other think, you celebrate the way you want your children to experience

[Im2022]

You sound sweet and not try hard at all.

Ignore what your friend says and have a wonderful time at the party. Parents will know you’re just being generous and what your intentions are when they meet and talk to you, so don’t worry.
WRT the £35 gift, I’d find it hard to reciprocate with a gift that price. I do £20 max. But I’d think how kind you are, not that you’re a show off.

Happy birthday to your little one!

[NoSquirrels]

That particular friend is jealous - it’s not at all a weird thing to design invites and print them, it’s pretty normal now that it’s easy to do so. I can’t remember the last ‘fill it in’ invite from a packet in a store, it’s actually quicker and easier to print them yourself than handwrite out all the details!

But a soft play party is supposed to be low stress so I’d not bother with the balloon arch, personally. What will you do with it after the party anyway?

Hope you all have a great time and you meet lots of your DS’s friends parents and get to know them.

[Vallmo47]

@snackodactyl Yes should have added that bit in my reply - I don’t think the OP expects such gifts in return but it’s how I’d feel. I’d leave thinking about the amount of money that has gone into party and feel quite ashamed I couldn’t contribute more. Also the Smiggle bag as a present. I’d know roughly how much that cost so I’d panic a bit and worry about returning the favour. That’s just how I’d feel, not what the OP is trying to achieve.

[calliecapers]

Wow you really make an effort. But obviously its a cultural difference here. You need to understand the British way of thinking

I think a lot of what you do is wasteful. Balloon arches: bad for environment. Printing personalised stickers and bags

You know it's all ending ip in landfill shortly after right?

Also, remember that many people live in poverty and your party bags sound expensive. So you will be judged for wasting money.

Your friend is making a point that its all rather unnecessary. Nobody expects it, is impressed or really appreciates that kind of stuff so please bear that in mind when ordering all the extra stuff

[RebeccasoldercousinSusie]

Personally I think it sounds fabulous. I am at a stage in my life where I have stopped caring what other people think. It at least I am trying to.

If my DD was given a smiggle bag I would just think “that was very generous” and I might also think that you got it in the sale. But it wouldn’t bother me or offend me in any way. People buy what they can afford and that is fine.

We need to stop bloody judging others and just enjoy things for what they are.

[Emerald5hamrock]

Ditch the balloon arch for an environmental friendly arch. They're a nightmare and very wasteful.

[Im2022]

Wow you really make an effort. But obviously its a cultural difference here. You need to understand the British way of thinking

Wow, didn’t realise being in the U.K. and British meant we had to all THINK the same way. In the nicest possible way: FO 🙄.

[Ddot]

Party your way, just cut back on other childrens party gifts. It's hard when you dont have the funds to reciprocate and can cause stress and lead to missing out on invitations.

[NoSquirrels]

One of my DC’s friends parents does amazing handmade themed party stuff every year, goes to loads of effort and it’s all beautiful, from the invites right through to the party bags. Even in lockdown, when they couldn’t meet in person, they all got a beautiful themed party kit left on the doorstep! If I was the sort of person who felt bad about my own shortcomings then I’d think they were ‘trying too hard’ and feel guilty I don’t do as much or early n such a fabulous Instagram/Pinterest-looking way. But they’re not doing it to impress - they genuinely love doing it, for their child AND for themselves. It’s sweet.

In return, their DC has always seemed to enjoy the type of parties and play dates we do too, so it’s all good.

Usually, when people say stuff like ‘trying too hard’ it’s more about their own feelings than your efforts.

[LonglegsMumtheBlacksmith]

@FrecklesMalone

Please don't do a balloon gate. They are such an environmentally unfriendly thing to do.

We had biodegradable balloons at DS party and over Christmas- they were gorgeous

[Brunonononooo]

I think it sounds brilliant and your friend sounds mean!

[Ellmau]

You sound like a lovely, generous person, OP.

I'm sure your DS and his friends will love his party.

(Just agreeing with others about the balloons though.)

[UniversalAunt]

Sounds like my kind of party!

Kids & parents together having fun, & something special as well.

The suggestion to restrain the spend on present items for the kids is a good one, as understandably people are sensitive &/ or embarrassed about reciprocating at an equivalent level & also having more stuff to take home.

However, if you would express your generosity as plenty of delicious Indonesian & usual food & drinks - maybe some Indonesian drinks to try - that’s be an occasion for everyone to enjoy.

Ballon arch - sounds fun & suitably overwhelmed the top, but if not that, then something suitably festive, maybe tablecloths & napkins. Whatever, but bring the brightness & colour up.

Usual games that the kids know here, maybe throw in a game from home to up the excitement.

Music, loads of upbeat music from home to get the party vibe going.💃

It’ll be all be fabulous 🥳

[getsomehelp]

i think the issue is that it can be perceived as being ostentatious,
The British feel ashamed when they are unable to reciprocate .
They will add it up, each party bag cost X per child
They will not consider you a friend as they will feel out of their depth.
Who is this show for? You or him ?
Your son would probably have a better time playing football in the park with his best mates with cake & hot chocolate

[Aroundtheworldin80moves]

My DD was at school with a child of the local 5*Hotel owing millionaire. His birthday parties included hiring out the cinema and getting mcdonalds delivered, and parties at the hotel including dinner fir all the parents. There was no expectation for the rest of us to replicate.

Presents were always simple though.

[NRRK28]

@calliecapers

Wow you really make an effort. But obviously its a cultural difference here. You need to understand the British way of thinking

I think a lot of what you do is wasteful. Balloon arches: bad for environment. Printing personalised stickers and bags

You know it's all ending ip in landfill shortly after right?

Also, remember that many people live in poverty and your party bags sound expensive. So you will be judged for wasting money.

Your friend is making a point that its all rather unnecessary. Nobody expects it, is impressed or really appreciates that kind of stuff so please bear that in mind when ordering all the extra stuff

I dont do this to impress my guests to be honest. I do it because i like to keep invitation and personalised for keepsake. I’ll always do things like this with both of my sons on every birthdays. But this years is different because my son wants to invite their school friends. Usually last birthday i only invite my close friends with their children.

I will cancel the baloon arch. Because everyone seems agree it bit too much.

Thanks for letting me know your thoughts on this😊😊

[Cuddlywaterfall]

This sounds like an excellent party! My son is almost 6, can we come .
But seriously I think your friend sounds narrow minded. In my kids school there are all sorts of parties, the Philippino families seem to have a bigger bash but so what? It's lovely to learn about their culture, and they seemed happy to come to our house for the traditional set up of pass the parcel and cake!
I think if you said something like, it probably seems over the top but I wanted to have an Indonesian style party, most reasonable people would be fine!
I've lived in Asia as well as a couple of European countries and guess what, they're all different places. It's a sad world where we don't want to learn something new in my opinion.