I don't want to people think i’m show off. Please help!!

[NRRK28]

In 4 weeks my son gonna have a birthday party. He is 6 years old and we gonna have it in the softplay arena. I’ve been living in the uk for 8 years and not have many uk friends. Most of my friends are from indonesia which where i came from.

My culture is very different from here. Little bit about me so you can understand why i’m confused. I’ve been living in england for 8 years and i’m from indonesia. Me and dh have good career and have a good life here. In Indonesia we love big party. Big very grand party. When i was in indonesia i invited 200 guests for my son first birthday and in there it was normal.

So in 4 weeks i’m doing a birthday party for my son in softplay arena. Because i used to have big party so i just do what i usually do without thinking twice. Until one of my friend who is a school mum said i’m too much and people can be mistaken i try to show off. To be honest i dont even realise about it. I dont have any means to showing off.

I wanna ask what do you think about it. Do i look like i’m showing off??

1. I designed the birthday invitation and thank you card myself and print it out with proper card paper. Every invitation got different kids name on it.

1. I do a balloon gate, ballon arch for the decorations and also big theme backdrop on the birthday.

1. For the birthday bag fillers. I give personalised stickers, tattoo, book, bubble, playdoh, candies, chocolate, crisps. And also the bag itself personalised with my son initial on it.

Do you think i’m too much???. Also last week my son invited to his friend birthday party. I bought smiggle bag cost me £35 for present and my friend tell me i’m too much. To be honest i dont mind to spend that much. This is the same friend who tell me i’m too much. She keeps saying it all the time and makes me wonder am i too much??. I dont want people think i’m showing off especially the parents in school.

Thank you

@calliecapers

Wow you really make an effort. But obviously its a cultural difference here. You need to understand the British way of thinking

I think a lot of what you do is wasteful. Balloon arches: bad for environment. Printing personalised stickers and bags

You know it's all ending ip in landfill shortly after right?

Also, remember that many people live in poverty and your party bags sound expensive. So you will be judged for wasting money.

Your friend is making a point that its all rather unnecessary. Nobody expects it, is impressed or really appreciates that kind of stuff so please bear that in mind when ordering all the extra stuff

Why does anyone need to dull their joy to fit in with a depressed tribe? Your assumptions that British people all think in the same way (...or what did it mean?), or that nobody appreciates the decoration gives the impression you have a VERY narrow world view. That's not good.

How will people who can't afford what you can feel ?

They won't be able to return the deal when it's their child's party and may feel obliged to decline this ( or at least future events ) because of if

Also absolutely yes to making individual invitations.

For you a bit of organisation & using an app, for the guests something special & a keepsake.

I will cancel the baloon arch. Because everyone seems agree it bit too much.
No it is not too much, request biodegradable balloons and it's a win win, the paper arch is really nice too, probably more expensive.

I think you are getting some very good advice on here. An occasional big party is fine. It's generous. Everyone will get equal enjoyment from it. And a balloon arch is lovely. However for presents and party bags you should try and stay in a similar price area to other local families. It can be embarrassing for them if you regularly give more expensive things than they can afford.

Also, you say this is normal in Indonesia. I'm sure that's true within your social circle there but even in a wealthy country like Indonesia there will be plenty of people who can't afford to put on a big do or buy expensive gifts just like there are here in the U.K. You might not mix with them but they exist just the same.

@DiddyHeck

Honestly, I was expecting some great big grand affair until you got to the very basic party arrangements. Your friend's thinking is very strange

I live in a very deprived/poor area and what you describe is a totally standard party, including the balloon arches which everyone orders from FB sellers and they'll often given them away straight after in the 'free' FB local groups.

The Smiggle gift was a bit too expensive in my eyes but not massively so.

I agree with this OP your friends are on another planet if they think you're showing off because of these things

@anothersmahedmug That’s a VERY good point. My kids would ask for the same kind of party and I couldn’t honour that. Someone will soon chime in to say that’s always been the case and yes it has (my Santa has more money than yours etc), but OP is asking if she is too much so it’s right to explain the issues that could arise from her meaning well. :)

And another poster made a point about not everyone in Indonesia being able to afford this either- also a good point. Sorry no time to go back and see who posted this.

We are not trying to be rude OP, we are just trying to make you see how it could come across. :) Your kid is very lucky and I’m sure the party will be a success!

You sound like so much fun, wish I could come Have fun x

You sound lovely and the party sounds fab. I wouldn’t do the balloon arch though, not good for the environment, and maybe think about the environmental impact of some of the other things. And £35 is a lot for a present, usually £10-15 is fine.

Big party = lots of fun and lots or presents. Win win! Happy birthday NRRK28DS!

You sound lovely and your friend doesn't sound very nice. My kids would have loved a party like that and most people are worldly wise enough to embrace cultural difference to get why you might have an approach to parties that is different to someone culturally British. I hope you are enjoying your time living here and as other people have said you do you (and maybe find some less critical friends). I've also lived overseas and I understand like a lot of other posters how hard it can be to navigate cultural norms that are entirely new to you.

OP, I think your sound fabulous and you should just do whatever you want to do. Life passes by so quickly and I think we should all celebrate the best bits. People can think whatever they want. Anyone who thinks it’s ‘too much’ needs to look outside their own little box and realise that there is a world out there and .... shock ... people may do things slightly differently in other parts of the world

I think the personalised invitations and party bags found lovely and why not ... it’s fun! It’s lovely to have those memories and remember all the details. I used to go a bit OTT with my kids parties too. But I did it because I loved it and so did they. They’re all teens now, but we still have those memories and I’m so glad we do.

So don’t hold back worrying about what people may or may not think. Each to their own! Happy Birthday to you son and I hope you all have a wonderful time!

Honestly, it would seem a bit “much” for me. The main reason is that (especially now but always true) many families won’t be able to give their child the same. So one child’s parents ‘overdoing it’ sets unrealistic expectations for other children, which is unkind.

@getsomehelp

i think the issue is that it can be perceived as being ostentatious, The British feel ashamed when they are unable to reciprocate . They will add it up, each party bag cost X per child They will not consider you a friend as they will feel out of their depth. Who is this show for? You or him ? Your son would probably have a better time playing football in the park with his best mates with cake & hot chocolate

I really dont try to impress anyone. And this is not a show. Thats what i dont understand in here. I dont do it for a show. I do it even without thinking because it what i used to do back home. I already dont do extravagant party in my eyes but apparently for some of people this is still extravagant.

I never invited to any british party because i dont have close british friend yet. And when i invited to indonesian or other asian party they all are soo extra but i am used to it and think its normal.

I really dont want the parents in my kids school think i’m snob or show offs. Thats why i’m asking here. I’m learning and i already cancel the baloon arch etc. because i dont want they think i’m trying too hard even though i’m not.

I like communities where we keep the bar low.

I would feel sorry for ant child having a party a few weeks later and has a small tea party for 6 in the house , feeling disappointed that somehow their birthday is not so important.
I am not a fan of excess in amy form, and it concerns me about all the plastic that will end up floating about in the oceans.
Stuff for the sake of it makes me cringe.

But your party, your decisions, your money- your call.
You are also setting the bar high for your own son- what happens when he is 12 or 16?

Presumably the most you can invite is the whole class plus a few add on children. Normal at that age. Later I drop it to 10-15 kids max. Ds2 is 8 soon and he is having 8 friends. We are doing laser tag and TGIs.

Soft play is normal, generous party bags is a nice touch, I've always done that.
Personalised invitation is very Normal. It's easy enough to do nowadays. Bags Personalised at the same time, fine, hardly OTT.

Last year I got everyone a draw string bag and sent a load of party props to everyone's houses for a zoom party

The balloon arch is a good touch. Many parties round here people do something nice. I went to one and they'd got slushy makers. That went down well!! Another they paid an ice-cream van to pull up outside and the kids all went out to get what they wanted.

The present was too much but it's a good gift and if you are happy and they know you don't mind if they don't reciprocate at such expense then it's OK. I spend £15 nowadays or a £10 note in the card much past 9 or 10. North West England so some people don't send much as they can't afford it. It's nit a problem either.

It's all good. Enjoy planning the party. Clearly these little touches give you joy.

DH is generous with gifts and party stuff for the DC. It's a really nice thing to be able to do for their childhood. If you don't spoil them constantly.

I like balloons. My kids like balloons. But the posters saying 'hey, biodegradable balloons are just fine!' are sadly deluded. 'Biodegradable' balloons, like lots of 'eco' coffee cups etc., are anything but green.
greencitizen.com/biodegradable-balloons/ is a good article.
Shame though. It would be amazing to have an actually eco friendly balloon option!

Biogradeable balloons are just greenwash, they still take ages to compost and are a danger to wildlife. It's just marketing to make you you feel less guilty.

OP, other than the balloon arch, your party plan sounds fine! We live in a middle class area in south East and I've seen all sorts of parties through the years. If my DC got an invitation to yours, I'd think how fab! I've also never heard any of my friends and local school mums muttering and complaining about someone's party. I'm not English but most local people are.

Good god it's a soft play party, you're not taking them to Disney World or something! Your friend doesn't sound like a great friend to be honest.

Take a step back from the friend and have a fantastic party.

I don't think you are going overboard with what's you have planned, OP. You also sound like a nice person who loves parties which is great! Your friend's words may come from a place of jealousy but never mind, if she doesn't like it she's free not to do the same when it's her turn to organize a party.
Everyone love different stuff, like I enjoy making Slideshow 3d videos with photos of my nephews for their Birthdays and we always play it and they like it even though some of the relatives roll they eyes. No slideshow for your Birthday then, uncle Jack, I guess?
Your party sounds like something the kids would enjoy so do as you've planned, OP!

You sound lovely, party sounds great and I’m British and would definitely do at least this much for my kid’s party and she’s only 3!

Carry on and you’ll find friends who love a party as much as you do! Your friend sounds horrible

@Toomuchstuffwillkillme

I like balloons. My kids like balloons. But the posters saying 'hey, biodegradable balloons are just fine!' are sadly deluded. 'Biodegradable' balloons, like lots of 'eco' coffee cups etc., are anything but green. greencitizen.com/biodegradable-balloons/ is a good article. Shame though. It would be amazing to have an actually eco friendly balloon option!

Absolutely, just said the same above. Also biodegradable balloons still need to be filled with helium which is a limited supply.

I love the look of balloon arches but they are just a mindless waste at the end of the day.

@Mummyoflittledragon

Balloon arches are not ‘fab’. They use helium, a very limited resource. Soon there will be none left for scans. Goodbye diagnostics for cancer and so forth. We will be set back a century. Plus the arches are terrible for the environment.

I've made a couple of ballon arches and I didn't need to use helium. FYI.

You sound lovely and very thoughtful. Do things how you want to do it, I'm sure the kids will love it. I remember my kids going to a few parties that at the the time I thought were over the top but realised afterwards it's just cultural differences.
Give the balloons a miss though and think of the environment🌍

Seen your update.

To the poster who said what will you do as your dc get older, well around here the parties become smaller throughout primary. By the time they are in year 6 it's small numbers of dc. You might do expensive activities like kayaking in the summer, or we did go karts one year, climbing parties etc. Often it Canberra low key parties. Each one is lovely for the child involved.

If I were you OP and you can afford it, I wouldn't worry about showing off. I'd keep the balloon arch or get something else fun (how about hire a person to make balloon animals or face paint? Sometimes soft play centres here offer that, also having someone dress up as a favourite Disney character).

You only get a short time to do this fun stuff. If you don't have other young dc then make the most of it. It quickly become cinema and nandos ( we are not quite there yet I want my dc to do fun kids stuff whilst they are still kids).

Oh ok so no one has Ballons anymore at their kids birthday parties ???