Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To cancel the meet-up?

192 replies

WetBlanket69 · 18/01/2022 13:43

A good female friend of mine suggested a couple of weeks ago going out for a meal with her and our DPs (the four of us have been out together a couple of times before, always at her instigation, I prefer meeting her on her own tbh). So I agreed, booked the restaurant for this Friday. The other night she rang me at 10pm a bit pissed and said that her DP doesn't have anything in common with my DP and that our friendship should be just a girly thing. She said my DP gets too drunk which is a bit rich as they are all drinkers. I felt a bit gutted but said ok, I'll cancel the night out then, but she persuaded me not to and wanted to go ahead. I said I wish she'd told me about her DP not getting on with my DP AFTER our night out as I felt she'd put a dampener on the whole night. However she managed to persuade me that it was all ok, I was over thinking etc. Now Friday is looming and I'm not too keen to go knowing her DP doesn't like my DP and probably me as well. AIBU to cancel?

OP posts:
getsanta · 18/01/2022 13:48

I would a absolutely cancel. It's horrible she told you that way. She shouldn't have suggested the meet up in the first place. Not sure I could be friends with her at all.

Beowulfthethird · 18/01/2022 13:50

What friend does this?

No I wouldn't put my dp in that position.

WorriedGiraffe · 18/01/2022 13:51

I’d cancel, what would you gain from going out together? She didn’t need to say anything at all, I wouldn’t be in a rush to meet up with her again either personally.

StrangerThanSpring · 18/01/2022 13:52

This may be the wrong thing to do but I'd make an excuse and cancel, so she doesn't hassle you to change your mind. Then not arrange any more meet ups, if you don't want to.

RockAndHardPlace1 · 18/01/2022 13:52

I'd cancel and not speak to her anymore. There was no need for that.

Treecreature · 18/01/2022 14:04

What does your DP think?

Original poster
WetBlanket69 · 18/01/2022 14:06

I'm too scared to tell my DP, I don't want to hurt his feelings. But he doesn't seem that bothered about going out with them anyway. But he will want to know why I've cancelled it, should I tell him the truth?

OP posts:
Coconutcakes · 18/01/2022 14:07

I'd cancel with a made up excuse, I wouldn't want to talk more about it or be hassled about it because what is there to say really?

I sympathise because I hate friends who try to make our DPs friends or want us to hang out as couples all the time when that's not the natural dynamic of the friendship. Especially when the DP clearly doesn't want to be there.

A580Hojas · 18/01/2022 14:12

Yanbu to cancel. She sounds an absolute belter. Was she really pissed? what did she hope to achieve from that?

StrangerThanSpring · 18/01/2022 14:12

@WetBlanket69

I'm too scared to tell my DP, I don't want to hurt his feelings. But he doesn't seem that bothered about going out with them anyway. But he will want to know why I've cancelled it, should I tell him the truth?
Just tell him she was a bit of a twat when she called you the other day and you can't be bothered with her anymore.
Original poster
WetBlanket69 · 18/01/2022 14:42

On all your good advice I've cancelled it, I feel happier as I wasn't looking forward to it at all! I told her the truth as she hates people cancelling on her for no reason. But I await her inevitable phone call!! Confused

OP posts:
Whaleandsnail6 · 18/01/2022 14:46

I'd cancel and tell her why. It seems like a pointless exercise the 4 of you going out together. Her and her dh have already made their opinions of your dh so I couldn't be bothered with the whole chirade of the night out. You'll be hyper aware of their secret opinions towards your oh and it will just be a crap night.

maddening · 18/01/2022 14:49

Oh god, cancel, say you tried but she has made it too awkward now.

Fraine · 18/01/2022 14:52

So they pay their fair share of the bill?

I'm wondering if they order a lot of food and drink and then want to split the bill.

I've been on the stingy thread ...

JustLyra · 18/01/2022 14:58

@WetBlanket69

I'm too scared to tell my DP, I don't want to hurt his feelings. But he doesn't seem that bothered about going out with them anyway. But he will want to know why I've cancelled it, should I tell him the truth?
You need to tell him in case she does.
Livpool · 18/01/2022 14:58

I'd cancel - she sounds tactless (and pissed) at best and rude and just horrid at worst

MrsTrumpton · 18/01/2022 15:02

You've done the right thing cancelling. No way would I want to waste time in the company of people who looked down on my OH and thought it was okay to tell me (unbelievably crass of her). I wouldn't bother with her again in the future either.

MaggieFS · 18/01/2022 15:13

You've done the right thing. Other halves don't always get on. And I think it's good for couples to socialise separately as well as together so that's fine.

How she told you was a bit shit though. Hopefully you can meet up with her and get to the bottom of it. And if not, then perhaps she's not such a good friend after all.

ChargingBuck · 18/01/2022 15:17

she rang me at 10pm a bit pissed

She said my DP gets too drunk

Good move that you've cancelled the evening out.
How could you have relaxed, knowing your hypocritical friend is silently judging your DH?

I told her the truth as she hates people cancelling on her for no reason. But I await her inevitable phone call!! confused
When it comes, ask her - slowly & loudly - if she is pissed again, & calling to complain about your DH's alcohol consumption.

& for sure, tell DH. He'll want to know why you don't want to spend time with your 'friend' now, won't he? If he's not a piss-head, there's nothing for him to be upset about, & your friend is projecting/bullshitting/undermining.

Hawkins001 · 18/01/2022 15:20

All the best op

Original poster
WetBlanket69 · 18/01/2022 16:04

@ChargingBuck
Thanks for pointing out her hypocrisy, you're totally right

She replied to my message saying 'Sorry. Drink causes problems x' I don't know if she means her drinking or my DP's!
She also said:

Yes agreed. Not the case but fair point. We have tried twice to go out with you both and on both occasions Xxx got hammered. So praps that's not a basis for a good friendship. . No judging just saying it as it is. We both like you both a lot but I was trying to point our that to you prior to us meeting up. Sorry you've taken offencex

OP posts:
ChargingBuck · 18/01/2022 16:08

Sorry you've taken offencex

Blimey, she is the gift that keeps on giving isn't she!
Soooo tempting to text back "sorry you were offensive".

Also "are you drunk texting again?"

Changemaname1 · 18/01/2022 16:09

What was the point in her even telling you that ?

Sounds a Drama queen

Fraine · 18/01/2022 16:10

I would text back:

‘To be honest, you’re the one who one who suggested going out, we weren’t particularly bothered. I then tried to get out of it and you insisted it would be fun so I reluctantly agreed but it became clear to me that you have a blinkered view of yours and [boyfriend’s] drinking habits, which would make for a very awkward evening. It’s pobably best we leave the meet-yups for now. Take care.’

AwaitingSueGraysInvestigation · 18/01/2022 16:11

My gut says they both like you, but have decided they don't like your DP very much, and 'his drinking too much' is a convenient get-out rather than having to admit they don't like him.

I'd leave it now, nothing to be gained by continuing to poke the wound.