Who is being unreasonable? Holiday situation in a blended family

[OnlyInOne]

Perhaps not unreasonable as I can also see DHs point but more a WWYD?

I will try and keep it as short as possible.

I have one son with my husband who has another two DC from a previous relationship. Our son is 2 nearly 3, my DSC are 9 & 11.

My parents have asked if me DH and DS would like to go away with them this year, their treat to a nice destination. It would be outside of school holidays as understandably that's when my parents prefer to holiday!

We have never been abroad on holiday with any of the DC. DSC have been with their mother but never us (we have had holidays in the UK before with them).

So here's the dilemma, DH is obviously concerned about it seeming unfair if we take DS away without DSC. We can't afford it ourselves in the school holidays and I can't expect my parents to both change it to school holiday time and pay for two more people but of course, DSC likely wouldn't see it that way and I totally understand DHs concern.

Here is where I'm not sure who's unreasonable... I have then suggested that I go alone with DS and my parents and DH stays home with DSC. I do not want to pass up the opportunity of a holiday for DS, one that we couldn't afford ourselves, and yes for myself as well.

DH is understanding of this and said that's fine but he has also admitted he wishes I wouldn't go because he feels in a no win situation where he misses DS's first holiday and should be there but can't go because it's not fair on DSC. He is still okay with me going though, but I know it has upset him.

I have said if I do go, we should prioritise savings for a family holiday next year in the school holidays with everyone.

So... WWYD? Do I go still? I want to, but I don't know if I'm being unfair to DH.

YABU - you're being unfair to go without DH, none of you should go.

YANBU - you should go and not pass up the opportunity for DS to holiday with grandparents.

@LethargicActress

Because he’s young enough not to know any different, and if it’s unavoidable that he’s got to learn to go on holiday without his brothers/sisters anyway, then daddy staying at home for them isn’t anywhere near as big a stretch.

Of course the youngest isn’t going to be hurt in the same way, because they are coming from a completely different perspective. And again, they aren’t watching their parent go on holiday with their siblings and leaving them behind. They will know nothing different to their siblings living with a different mum and having a life with her.

Ah okay, fuck the youngest then basically. I see.

You can present it to their mum as you didn’t want them to miss any more school after all of the closures recently and you wouldn’t want parents to incur a fine for taking a term time holiday which schools are no longer allowed to authorise.

Two things here - the step children weren't on the guest list for this holiday, so the comment about them missing school is immaterial, and secondly, why should the DH have to "present it to the mum"? He is no longer married to this woman, it's not up to her!!!

Glad it's booked, OP, and I hope you all have a lovely holiday.

I think it's one to watch, and I have read a similar thread recently where a father was devoting all his time to the children from his previous relationship while giving little or none to his younger child. One to watch.

The only thing that both the ex and the SCs need to know is that this is OP's parents holiday.

This is not a situation where OP and her partner have booked their own holiday, using their own money, and left the DCs out of it. This is a generous gesture by her parents which has absolutely nothing to do with the ex. I wouldn't get drawn into any further argument, because absolutely nothing else factors in, and any further 'excuses' would be irrelevent and muddy the waters.

There should be only one reason that DH doesn't come along and that's if the holiday encroaches on his contact time with the DSC. If their DM is happy to cover it, then he goes. If not then he stays home with the DSC. There's literally nothing else to consider. The DSC will be at school.
However no one needs to go on about it in front of them. If the holiday falls during the time they are with their DM then they don't even need to know about it. Just use common sense and sensitivity

YANBU

Your parents are paying for this nor were the DSCs invited. It’s rude to invite people on a holiday you’re not paying for.

YANBU, go on holiday with your family and enjoy every minute. Your dc should not miss out on a lovely time with GP's because your DH had kids previously.

@ninjafoodienovice

There should be only one reason that DH doesn't come along and that's if the holiday encroaches on his contact time with the DSC. If their DM is happy to cover it, then he goes. If not then he stays home with the DSC. There's literally nothing else to consider. The DSC will be at school. However no one needs to go on about it in front of them. If the holiday falls during the time they are with their DM then they don't even need to know about it. Just use common sense and sensitivity

I agree

Consideration needs to be given to the impact on the children missing contact, but also their Mum who is going to have to fill in the gaps - will there now be childcare issues for her? Extra costs?

I need help.
I have two children and my husband as 1 from our previous relanships. We have none together.
My brother lives aboard and i am going to see him for the first time just for 2 nights. My husband wanted to come. Both my children have passports and i told my husband to sort his child passport out as his ex kept hold of it for a while so he could not renew it straight away. His child passport will not come in time, ehich i did ask for him to fast track it so we all can go. So my husband is moaning that me and my two children are going and they are not as his son passport won't be here on time. I asked for him to still come and have his son extra in the week but he will not come with out his son. He told me we are a family and should go together. But i feel like it is not my fault his sons mother kept hold of the passport. And my husband won't come with out him. I don't want to miss out on seeing my brother and why do me and the kidd have to suffer. I want my husband with me but refusing to come with me even tho he says we are a family. But i feel like we are only a family if his son is there. Am i wrong for thinking i want my husband there and hes out of order.

You need to start your own thread. Why does his son want to see your brother tho? Does your brother want him there?