Husband bought a christmas gift for another women
Biscuits1 · 16/01/2022 09:27
So I found a Next parcel receipt from December for a leopard print animal dressing gown not in my size and which I never received as a gift. After much questioning and denial about buying it. He admitted it was for his mate's wife as a 'joke' as he says she always wears one around the house. But his mate doesn't know and I'm not to tell him either as he will 'get the wrong end of the stick'.
The back story though is my husband sent drunken messages to his best friends wife (he went to school with both of them so wasn't unusual to message her) suggesting they hook up. I found the messages and obviously shit hit the fan. I forgave him but him and his friend fell out. Years have since past and he has been in touch with them again and everything was water under the bridge (or so I thought) and I have seen them a couple of times in the past few months but hubby has seen them a lot more.
To make matters worse, he ordered the dressing gown whilst upstairs isolating as he had covid and our baby was 10 weeks old at the time so we really didn't want her to catch it. I was sleeping on the sofa downstairs with the baby in the moses basket.
AIBU to feel hurt as hubby doesn't even buy his family gifts as that's my job. I also do not know if there is more to it as all I can think is that he was sat upstairs probably messaging her when he bought the dressing gown. What would you do in my situation?
Am I being unreasonable?AIBU
You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.
Stellaroses · 16/01/2022 09:29
It’s pretty obvious he is either having and affair or wants to, what other explanation could there be?
Blanca87 · 16/01/2022 09:29
Leave him. He has absolute no respect for you, love. Sorry this has happened especially when you have a baby. ❤️
PiffleWiffleWoozle · 16/01/2022 09:31
He is either having an affair or trying to.
WTF475878237NC · 16/01/2022 09:31
Honestly OP this is awful. Congratulations on your little baby. So whilst you were managing alone and he was unwell/in isolation, he was buying a gift for someone he holds a torch for (at best), or is actively pursuing/screwing (at worst). I am all for second chances. He's blown it. I would make plans to leave. I wouldn't necessarily leave right now, with a baby you may find yourself benefitting from him help a little while whilst you get prepared...but I'd never let him touch me again and would stop believing he has your family's best interests at heart from today. You're on your own I'm afraid.
Alfixn · 16/01/2022 09:31
Show him the door. For real.
And best of luck with your tiny baby. You two will have a better life without him.
phishy · 16/01/2022 09:32
YANBU. The fact that it was a leopard design was quite telling, as that’s supposed to be sexy.
I would keep an eye on the situation. If he is cheating (with her or anyone else), he will slip up.
Did she accept the dressing gown without telling her husband? She’s a fool.
melissasummerfield · 16/01/2022 09:32
You should never have allowed the friendship to become a thing again, and if your dh had any respect for you he would never have started seeing them again.
Chanel05 · 16/01/2022 09:32
fluffiphlox · 16/01/2022 09:32
Yuk. She can’t be much of a catch if she’s available for the price of a Next leopard print dressing gown. He’s not telling the truth.
girlmom21 · 16/01/2022 09:33
The fact he's hiding it from you and his friend shows he knows how inappropriate it is.
Is this the same woman he wanted to hook up with?
Don't forgive him again. He's a liar with an intention to cheat.
AnotherMansCause · 16/01/2022 09:36
Well he’s got that tied up in a neat little bow hasn’t he? You can’t ask the woman’s DH because he’d get the wrong end of the stick. It’s just a joke. Lot of excuses. And he was messaging her before.
Why is it your job to buy the gifts for his family? Do you feel like he takes advantage in other areas? What do you want to do now? Were you suspicious before, are you now, what’s his behaviour been like generally, etc.
Biscuits1 · 16/01/2022 09:36
Thanks for your advice. Yes its the same woman. I have said that I can't trust him but he's just telling me it's innocent and then I feel like I'm being dramatic because he hasn't actually had an affair (or one that I know of).
greenlynx · 16/01/2022 09:37
I’m 100% with @WTF475878237NC
I hope you’ve got family and friends who can help and support in RL.
Fuuuuuckit · 16/01/2022 09:37
At the very least that gets you off the hook for ever buying xmas/birthday gifts and cards for his family. If he can buy a secret dressing gown for his mate's wife from his covid sickbed whilst you are caring for a tiny baby, he can certainly take on that mental load.
I'd be calling round and telling the husband. As for your dh I think he's squirming because he's still lying to you. Sorry.
girlmom21 · 16/01/2022 09:37
He hasn't had an affair but that's not by choice. If she'd have been a willing participant he would have. Now he's trying his luck again.
It's not the gift. It's the secrecy.
Fuuuuuckit · 16/01/2022 09:38
Well he won't mind you discussing it with her husband then, surely?
BootySOS · 16/01/2022 09:38
I know it is really hard to be faced with something like this when you have a small baby. I put off dealing with my H adulterous behaviour when I had a baby because my MH just couldn't cope with anything else at that point, I was all over the place emotionally. I avoided admitting the truth to myself but deep down I knew.
This might not be the time for you to LTB or it might be the perfect time. You might come back to this later on, if you can't face it right now. But he is emotionally or physically having an affair. I would guess physically and that it is quite a well established affair as gift buying would be too much in the early stages or where lines are still blurred. This is a sexual gift, too.
ISmellBurnings · 16/01/2022 09:40
If it was innocent it wouldn’t have been a secret.
He’s got form. He’s done it before, with the same person.
He’s either trying to have an affair or is having one. Tell the friend.
Pinkspray · 16/01/2022 09:41
Hope you're OK op must have been a horrible shock especially with little one. This would be the end point for me tbh
MrsTimRiggins · 16/01/2022 09:41
If he’s not already, he really is doing his utmost to shag her. Of course he doesn’t want you to tell her husband, it’s for the same reason he didn’t tell you about his innocent little ‘joke’ present… it’s far from innocent. What a sleaze. I’m so sorry
MargotEmin · 16/01/2022 09:41
Oh come on, he's insulting you by telling you this is innocent. I wouldn't entertain this shit for a nano second.
And a Next dressing gown? I'd kick him out for crimes against style alone.
deathofastrawberry · 16/01/2022 09:42
You can't live like this, always worrying about what he's doing.. it sounds like he can't be trusted at all. You should leave for the sake of both you and your daughter as it's an unhealthy environment for her to grow up in and you'll both be happier. Also he's not much of a 'friend' either is he! Hope you have support from your friends and family OP x
Tal45 · 16/01/2022 09:44
If she already always wears one around the house why would he buy her another? What a complete load of BS. If you're still wanting to stay with him despite this then the friendship need to end.
FindMeInTheSunshine · 16/01/2022 09:45
I think a good guideline for a strong relationship is to very rarely do or say anything you don't want your partner to know. And, not to do or say anything with someone else that you would not want their partner to know. Your husband appears to have broken both of those. Your question is what would I do in your situation. I would struggle, but attempt to leave it a few days then try to have a conversation about suitable boundaries in a loving partnership. That would no doubt end up with me in tears and my husband stomping off, so I hope your conversations can go better!
Your situation does remind me of the scene in Love Actually, which always breaks me.
maddening · 16/01/2022 09:45
I would do a whatsapp group with the couple and dh and say you want it out in the open that you discovered that dh had purchased this gift for the woman, let it blow the friendship up imo.
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