Husband bought a christmas gift for another women

[Biscuits1]

So I found a Next parcel receipt from December for a leopard print animal dressing gown not in my size and which I never received as a gift. After much questioning and denial about buying it. He admitted it was for his mate's wife as a 'joke' as he says she always wears one around the house. But his mate doesn't know and I'm not to tell him either as he will 'get the wrong end of the stick'.

The back story though is my husband sent drunken messages to his best friends wife (he went to school with both of them so wasn't unusual to message her) suggesting they hook up. I found the messages and obviously shit hit the fan. I forgave him but him and his friend fell out. Years have since past and he has been in touch with them again and everything was water under the bridge (or so I thought) and I have seen them a couple of times in the past few months but hubby has seen them a lot more.

To make matters worse, he ordered the dressing gown whilst upstairs isolating as he had covid and our baby was 10 weeks old at the time so we really didn't want her to catch it. I was sleeping on the sofa downstairs with the baby in the moses basket.

AIBU to feel hurt as hubby doesn't even buy his family gifts as that's my job. I also do not know if there is more to it as all I can think is that he was sat upstairs probably messaging her when he bought the dressing gown. What would you do in my situation?

He is having an affair or trying to.

You are the safe bet as you are married and have a child but fundamentally he has no respect for you.

He doesn't even have the common decency to tell you the truth.
He is a coward, a cheat and a liar.
Do you want to live with someone like this?

You’re not being dramatic. I’d put money on him having an affair with her. It’s horrible, sorry for you @Biscuits1 💐

I think you should make plans to leave him.

I’m sorry OP 😥

Sounds to me like he’s always fancied her and would be well up for an affair but she isn’t interested.

Would I break up with the father of my baby for trying to have an affair? I’m not sure. For me the lying about it is the bigger deal. I think the bottom line is how do YOU feel. Do you still love him now that you know he’s lying to you?

You need to know if he can change or if he’ll always be like this. Try joint couples counselling (but be prepared to try a couple of different counsellors, some of them are rubbish).

So it's absolutely fine for you to be told what end of the stick you're supposed to be holding, but his mate will automatically get the "wrong" end? He is telling you to collude in his lies!

What did he get you for Christmas, by the way?

He fancies the pants off her, sorry OP.

The fact his first response was to insyruct you not to tell her husband says it all.

If you feel safe to do so, I would tell the husband.

I am so sorry I feel your marriage is over. I suspect there's a lot more to uncover than this intimate gift.

09:32fluffiphlox
"Yuk. She can’t be much of a catch if she’s available for the price of a Next leopard print dressing gown."
@Messilia
"1) Id message her “selling yourself a bit cheap there luv”"

Why what are your starting rates?

OP she could be a decoy and he's having an affair with someone else. I'd speak to her, then depending what's said, share it with her husband. There's no excuse for this, he's actively pursuing someone.

He’s trying to have sex with her again. What an idiot.

I think if you looked at his phone you'd find photos of her wearing that dressing gown.

It's not innocent.
He's a lying cheat.

OP, congratulations on your little one.

I'm sorry, but he is lying to you. In some form. At worst, he's cheating (emotionally/physically), and at best, he has zero respect for you.

You do not do what he has done if you respect your wife.

So sorry you're going through this. Thinking of you.

He thinks you're stupid doesn't he?

I'd ask the woman's husband if his wife likes the dressing gown your husband bought her.

Too right his mate would get the wrong end of stick just as everyone else knowing the back story of this. I'd tell him. I think he's lying, something going on between them you aren't aware of.

So sorry OP, how awful. No one could think you were being unreasonable. I would tell his mate ASAP, definitely something going on .

I think in this situation i would need to tell her husband because if hes claiming its as innocent as it is then why hasnt she even apparently told her husband. Given their history its not appropriate for him to be buying her gifts given he basically propositioned her in the past. Also the fact he lied to you first and denied it, sorry to add fuel to the fire but what else did he maybe buy her? Its easy to sit the other side of a keyboard and say leave reality is you have a young child and obviously live together etc. It will be hard to trust him again OP it may well not be a full blown afair and im not sure it is but its not appropriate if hes sitting texting her thinking of little things he can do to make her laugh or smile thats out of order. Be strong. You need to put your foot down in terms of what you will and will not accept. Maybe ask him to go somewhere else while you think about this to make him sweat a bit but i would definitely be letting all parties know what happened.

You are not being unreasonable. Logically.. he has seen her to give her the gift?? Her husband doesn’t know about it, so he obviously wasn’t there. Or even if it was sent to her house, he’s contacted her to tell her there’s a gift on the way and not to show her husband, so they have secrets with each other. That’s not normal. This isn’t innocent

The fact he doesn’t want you to tell her husband tells you everything you need to know. If it’s innocent then why the secrecy/lies about who the dressing gown was for?
It’s a real strange thing to do and shows he still likes or has feelings for her. I know it’s so hard with a new baby as hormones are still everywhere and sometimes you do think you are going mad but honestly OP i wouldn’t let this be swept under the carpet.

This is so similar to my exh. He claimed his friend's were having difficulties in their marriage and he was going round to help them talk out the issues. The husband was blissfully unaware that these meetings were happening. Came to light when he rang to see if exh wanted to come round on an occasion when exh claimed to be at their house.

Well she wears a leopard print dressing gown, what else is there to say!
Sorry you are in this situation.

He is a lier. You will never trust him.

I'd leave.

I'm so sorry op. Some men are so undeserving of a beautiful family and loving wife. What a complete arsehole.

Well it's clearly not innocent because he'd have let you and the husband in on the 'joke'!
What would I do? I'd kick him out for a start. You've already given him a chance and this is how he repays you. Nah.