AIBU to not want to ring people without warning?

[Brandnewbrighttomorrow]

Phone calls - back at working from home this week after the Christmas break and have been startled by a couple of people phoning me out of the blue without emailing or texting first, is that odd? I don’t feel that comfortable ringing people myself anymore - with friends only communicate by text or in person - just seems like you’re invading someone’s day by calling them without warning! Thinking telephone etiquette has shifted, maybe accelerated by Covid? AIBU?

This is comforting! Good to know it's not just me. I get really anxious when the phone rings, I hate speaking on the phone unless it's a Dr appt or something. I only ever communicate via message or in person. I'm pretty visual and have sensitivity to noise I don't know if it's related to that. So much energy goes into processing the heard info but with no visual info to make sense of. Hopefully phonecall will become easier.

Jesus fucking Christ.

Email must be sent before calling please

Not a fan of random calls tbh

One day, maybe quite soon, there is going to be a situation where someone needs a friend to help out straightaway. Maybe with a lift to hospital, maybe to look after their child in a pinch, maybe any number of things.

And, despite us being more easily connected than ever previous, that person will actually be on their own because all of their "friends" have "got anxiety" or "feel sensory overload" at the thought of a phone ringing. It's probably happened already.

Do you have that thing on your phone which sends an automatic message saying "Can't answer the phone right now " - But - I think you should only use it if you are genuinely busy.

DH who spends most of his life on zoom / conference calls - will just answer in between his own work stuff either he has time to take the call or - e.g. - is this quick otherwise let's speak at x time - if he is in the middle of a meeting will let it go to voicemail or text them and say speak later - he can genuinely multi task - ha ha

Honestly at work I think either you can take an unexpected call - even if just to say - not convenient right now -if it really isn't- or let it go to voicemail if you are genuinely busy or a "meeting" type phone call - i.e. a half hour discussion about something should be scheduled. At work you are not invading someone's privacy if you need to ask a question or get advice or similar to get something done.

It's sort of funny but it sort of isn't if you can't take an unscheduled phone call at work. If it is a friend - tell them when convenient - if it is a work call - different - it is kind of what you are there to do.

& Yes I love - the phone ringing is a way of telling you someone is trying to speak to you.

Karenetta, I will always pick up a call, whether anyone's messaged beforehand or not. But to be honest, the only people who call me randomly are friends who WFH, friends who don't need to work or pensioner relatives, in short, people who generally enjoy more flexibility with their time and forget that it's not the same for everyone. As long as they don't mind being on loudspeaker while I wash up or polish school shoes or whatever, I'll chat.

If I'm the person in an emergency, I still text, outlining what help I need and when, so that my friend or family member has time to gather their thoughts and check availability before getting back to me.

despite us being more easily connected than ever previous,

I think this is the issue with the level of connectivity we have now. People feel they have to have it, but its very intrusive and not great for mental health. Therefore people shun it.

@Karenetta

Jesus fucking Christ.

This

@HarrietSchulenberg

FFS, the world's nuts enough as it is without people being horrified by a phone call. What happens when the doorbell rings, with an actual person on the other side of it? Do you hide behind the sofa?

Are you a new poster?

The very thought of opening the door without a month's written notice in trplicate is enough to give all the precious Pricillas on here a panic attack that would take them to their bed for days

You can see some refer to what they used to do, or what their DH does. Working norms are always changing and certainly have changed over the last few years, it's worth bearing in mind when comments are what people think happens or think should happen rather than current knowledge of what's usual practice now.

[quote MaybeHeIsMyCat]@Kite22 I feed it back but that's all I can do really. I don't choose to ring them, it's an auto dialler [/quote]
I’m curious to know what your job is. If people are getting unsolicited calls at 8am, that’s a crazy business decision

I know what you mean, OP. If someone rings you out of the blue, you feel obliged to talk. I find it hard to say 'I don't have time to talk' in case they take it as 'I don't want to talk to you.'

I would check with someone first to make sure they're free/arrange a good time to chat if I thought it might take a while.. But don't most people just WhatsApp etc now anyway?

This is really fucking weird. I'd get fired if I couldn't use a phone.

I'm an Exec Assistant and a large portion of my job involves chasing people for information I need. Of course I email people when it's less urgent or they aren't past deadline (mostly so I have proof of me asking in the first place), but if it's urgent or you're late, I'm calling you.

There are many instances when a ten second phone call saves a day of email tennis. I've really not got the time to back and forth all day long. Pick the phone up.

The only phone calls which should be illegal are the "I've just sent you an email, have you read it yet?" calls. If you want an immediate answer, don't bloody email me!

I'm assertive enough to end a phone call that I'm not prepared to take yet. "Let me check a few things and I'll get back to you later today".
"Would you mind sending me an email on this and I'll get back to you once I've had a look/spoken with whoever?".

@EmmaH2022 motor trade. Reminding people their MOT is due or service is due

I don’t think it’s quite normal to wish advanced notification someone is going to call you. No. If it’s not convenient then let it go to voice mail, if it’s important they will call back or you can call them back at a time that works for you.

Seems I'm in a minority then lol

I don't get "anxious" about answering a phone, I just find the expectation that I am available to take your call "right now" intrusive and a bit rude!

Invariably if I don't answer the caller immediately calls me again - take the hint, I'm busy and can't answer!

I'm willing to bet the posters on this thread who ring their friends out of the blue also do the redial straight away thing.

It's like people who expect text message responses straight away.....

@Ricksteinsfishwife

I don’t think it’s quite normal to wish advanced notification someone is going to call you. No. If it’s not convenient then let it go to voice mail, if it’s important they will call back or you can call them back at a time that works for you.

How many people actually do this though?

In my experience people will keep calling at varying points again throughout the day until I eventually answer!

Okay so you could let the phone ring off. Then text back 'sorry I couldn't answer, ring me back at and I'll be free to talk'.

That will stop the 'calling at varying points throughout the day'.

@ChastainsMisery

Id then just text them saying call back at x time or I will call you at x time?

I kind of know what you mean OP. 99% of my work is done through email, Teams chat, pre-arranged zoom meetings. And so it always throws me slightly when someone phones me without any warning.

But I’ve now realised there’s a couple of people I work with who just seem to prefer phone calls. Personally I think it’s not particularly efficient as 9 times out of 10 the outcome of the phone call is on or both of us needing to follow up by sending something through by email anyway.

I think people are making this more difficult than it needs to be.

Wtf is my world coming to?
If someone needs to communicate surely they do so in the easiest quickest and most productive way?
If I have lots of info to give I'll email
If not I'll phone
If a colleague text to say they were going to be phoning I'd think they were barking

In my experience people will keep calling at varying points again throughout the day until I eventually answer!

Surely the easiest and quickest thing to do is to answer the phone and say “sorry,this isn’t a good time. I’ll call you back at 11.30”?

@Letsallscreamatthesistene

despite us being more easily connected than ever previous,

I think this is the issue with the level of connectivity we have now. People feel they have to have it, but its very intrusive and not great for mental health. Therefore people shun it.

Agreed.

It's all well & good saying, well, 30 years ago you just answered your house phone when it rung - cool, but 30 years ago you didn't have multiple notifications on whatsapp groups for work & school, Facebook/Instagram etc notifications, email notifications, breaking news alerts from news apps, Slack/Teams going all day, etc etc all the time. It's incredibly overwhelming and no, you don't have to have those things but it's not unusual and people are often bombarded morning til night as it is in text format - making that the norm, and making unexpected phone calls feel even more invasive as a result.

At my work we generally send a Slack asking if someone's free for a call if it's anything other than a simple yes/no question (and then we'd usually do those questions via Slack anyway).

It's incredibly overwhelming and no, you don't have to have those things but it's not unusual

No it’s not unusual but honestly I don’t know anyone who finds it overwhelming, never mind incredibly so, I think thr answer is to turn off notifications where possible Ie do you really need Facebook, insta and breaking news alerts? Just reduce it to the min and it might help you feel less overwhelmed?