AIBU to not want to ring people without warning?

[Brandnewbrighttomorrow]

Phone calls - back at working from home this week after the Christmas break and have been startled by a couple of people phoning me out of the blue without emailing or texting first, is that odd? I don’t feel that comfortable ringing people myself anymore - with friends only communicate by text or in person - just seems like you’re invading someone’s day by calling them without warning! Thinking telephone etiquette has shifted, maybe accelerated by Covid? AIBU?

@Sparklingbrook

‘Can I ring you back?’ How hard is it to say that if it’s not convenient. Or don’t answer it in the first place?

Because it has already interrupted you.

@SnowyPetals

Time to brush up on your social skills OP.

Couldn't disagree more.

At work, I don't like it when people call me on Teams without asking first. It's like bursting into someone's office without knocking. It's rude.

I think in the workplace, people should message you first to arrange a time to speak

Imagine a workforce this fragile? Imagine the emergency services functioning with people who think like this. The A&E doctor…. “ has he booked?”

Gosh like the olden days, where you could get a phone call any time out of the blue. Imagine how we coped!

And in the olden days (ie when I was a kid) there was no caller ID, so you didn't even know who was calling you! You had to pick up the receiver to find out.

How did we cope????

@JuergenSchwarzwald them don’t answer it to begin with?

then

@Whichcatthatcat

Gosh like the olden days, where you could get a phone call any time out of the blue. Imagine how we coped!

And in the olden days (ie when I was a kid) there was no caller ID, so you didn't even know who was calling you! You had to pick up the receiver to find out.

How did we cope????

Exactly. The phone ringing was the warning call. As a teen in the 80s not only did our fathers pick up the phone to our friends/boyfriends the phone was also in the same room as everyone in the family so everyone knew what you where talking about. That makes op thinking a warning email is completely ridiculous.

@Phineyj

It depends hugely on your sector. It's pointless trying to phone a teacher. They're not going to pick up the phone in class (unless they have some idea the call is coming and it's very urgent).

Admin/office jobs, fair enough, although you do get out of practice with phone calls.

Social calls - please please please ask if it's a good time. I have very little free time and my MIL and DM call me without checking sometimes and it means I either miss out on my tiny bit of leisure time or I get behind on work. Happy to speak to them at a convenient time of course. Friends do text or WhatsApp to arrange a good time for a chat. It's not that unusual especially if you both have young kids.

But if you’re not free to talk when your MiL/DM ring just don’t answer, the option to answer or not is your decision to make

Exactly @LawnFever it’s that simple.

@Toothsil

What I don't like about phone calls, when it's personal ones, is if a person launches straight into what they want to say, without first asking if it's a good time to talk. I'm about to have surgery at the end of next week, so have had a few calls this week about various things, all from private numbers so I've had to answer every time in case it was something important. The surgery is for a total hip replacement and I'm in severe pain. Yesterday there was a call from the hospital pharmacy and she just launched straight into asking about the medication I'm currently on, without asking if I was OK to talk. I was in the middle of trying to get from the kitchen to the living room to sit down because I'd just been at my pre op and had done a lot of walking and was just in the door and in agony. I didn't get a chance to ask if I could take a minute to sit down so had to have the whole call in agony. I'd just answered the exact same questions at my pre op, too! I find phonecalls in general are intrusive and in a way, demanding.

Sorry you were in pain but I think if someone answers the phone the caller will automatically think it’s a good time to talk.

If it wasn’t then there’s the option of not picking up, so I don’t think it’s unreasonable to launch into what they want to know.

At work I refuse to call anyone without organising when it will happen first and I wouldn't expect a call without warning, either. That's from colleagues as service users/other organisations don't have my number.

However, I work for an autistic-led autism charity so my colleagues and many of our service users are al autistic and tend to feel the same as me about phone calls!

@Sparklingbrook

Exactly *@LawnFever* it’s that simple.

Right? Like, nobody forces anyone to pick up, the power lies with the person being called

Revealing isn't it? How many people's lives are ruled by messages, phones etc. If your phone rings at an inconvenient time, ignore it. The caller might leave a message, they might call later. If a message pings on your phone pick it up when you're ready, you don't need to jump to look at it. (If more people got this there would be less mobile phone related road accidents maybe).
No need to warn someone that you are going to ring them. Speaking - on the phone - is still a perfectly acceptable method of communication. I use emails and other media to communicate a lot. However sometimes I start to type and think that it would be easier and quicker to just ring. So I ring.

@LawnFever then there’s the people who don’t answer the unknown /withheld number when they could that spend the whole day wondering and stressing about who rang.

@SquirrelFan

Phone calls are the resort of the illiterate. It's texting or WhatsApp or email all the way. Seriously, I'm oldish and I hate speaking on the phone. Especially for work, or when arrangements are being made. I can never remember what was decided. I like to have a record. Plus my mind wanders when speaking on the phone - I see things around the house (or office) that need doing, etc. Next thing you know, I've agreed to meet X at X for X, when I'm actually not free /don't like X (any of them) or given the impression that I'm an expert in Scandinavian cheese traditions because I've "mmm-hmmmed" in the wrong place.

I think I've read it all now. You need everything in writing because you struggle to concentrate, remember things, communicate verbally and seem incapable of making some simple notes during a phone call. For that reason anyone who doesn't have similar challenges in daily life and who is capable of carrying out these simple tasks is illiterate.

You’re absolutely right. It is the etiquette to check with people before calling on the phone. Long may that continue!

Um, yes, it was meant to be facetious.
Sorry, wasn't trying to be rude - was simply stating it from my point of view.

YABU - except I feel the same about phoning most people, I feel like I may be intruding or they'll be busy with more important things. But I never mind anyone phoning me - if I'm busy it can go to answerphone. So I know I'm being illogical!

Still, I generally prefer initiating contact by text or email.

If it’s a big talk then yes I like warning. That’s the introvert in me and the fear of saying “I can’t talk right now” which is absolutely ridiculous.

I suppose I’m just out of the habit of unscheduled calls! The work I do is voluntary which means i wouldn’t presume to contact colleagues (also voluntary) without a heads up aside from those I work with really closely, none of us have fixed working hours, we do the work around our other commitments. I’m not young but I do have teenagers so maybe the sense that it’s an imposition to ring has rubbed off from them. I do call my mates and family of course!!

@SquirrelFan

Um, yes, it was meant to be facetious. Sorry, wasn't trying to be rude - was simply stating it from my point of view.

This was in reply to @Newmumatlast and @Fatmax22... And whoever else takes offense!

At work, the norm seems to be for people to initiate contact via IM and either deal with the question that way or it may then turn into a phone conversation. Apart from the warning, doing it this way is better than just phoning because you're already set up to share links etc

just don't answer? Am I the only one with older relatives who will then make multiple follow up calls and then start on the passive aggressive 'it's only your poor old mother...'? The main issue I have is with people who are time rich and have forgotten what it's like (or never knew) what it's like to be dealing with work, kids etc and therefore to have hardly any chatting time. Just ask if it's a good time and get to the point!

‘Can I ring you back?’ How hard is it to say that if it’s not convenient. Or don’t answer it in the first place?

Because it has already interrupted you.

@JuergenSchwarzwald you’re not obliged to answer the phone just because it rings, you can just ignore it, it’s how the entire concept of the telephone has always worked