AIBU to not want to ring people without warning?

[Brandnewbrighttomorrow]

Phone calls - back at working from home this week after the Christmas break and have been startled by a couple of people phoning me out of the blue without emailing or texting first, is that odd? I don’t feel that comfortable ringing people myself anymore - with friends only communicate by text or in person - just seems like you’re invading someone’s day by calling them without warning! Thinking telephone etiquette has shifted, maybe accelerated by Covid? AIBU?

I don’t think it’s weird at all to ring someone. It’s much quicker to get the answer you need and discuss an issue properly than going back and forth over email. Plus it’s nicer to chat. You are being a bit strange....

Hmmm to be honest, I'm surprised by a lot of the answers here! I feel like if you asked the same question on Reddit, all the introverts would be screaming in agreement haha.

I hate uninvited phone calls. I find it really intrusive and disruptive to my flow/focus. I got my first mobile phone as a teenager, when texting was a brand new technology, and I guess I just developed a mentality of text over call?

I always thought it was a generational thing. But maybe it's just a personal thing.

You're not weird at all. It's ok to prefer what you prefer!

If you don't want to receive phone calls, switch your mobile off and unplug the landline (if you still have one) job done.

Communicating in writing about communicating verbally is a silly, time wasting and unproductive nonsense.

Sending an IM to say, "have you 5 minutes to chat about those new assets?" is not taking up tons of time, and can often be done alongside something else, unlike a call. The result is usually someone calling back or a message like, "about to join the networks call, can we talk after that?" It's almost like we're capable of using the different communication tools to our best advantage, in flexible ways that complement each other, rather than always insisting on only one way.

And put Teams on 'do not disturb' .

Sending an IM to say, "have you 5 minutes to chat about those new assets?" is not taking up tons of time, and can often be done alongside something else, unlike a call

If it happens once a day, then yes, it only takes a few minutes. But it’s exactly the same with a phone call -“sorry, can’t talk now,” takes no longer. And changes are most calls can be dealt with immediately, so texting is a waste of time.

It’s easy to type, search for info online etc during a phone call. You can’t do that while texting.

Someone at work phoned you - during working hours - how very dare they!!!

YANBU! I know some other people find it strange, but I really don't like when people ring expecting a long chat out of the blue. If I'm genuinely sitting at home doing nothing, it's fine, but that rarely happens - normally I'm trying to juggle 101 different things and the call just acts as another distraction. And then when I say, politely and friendly, that I can't talk right now but will call them back later, people can get really huffy

normally I'm trying to juggle 101 different things

Turn your phone off or put it on silent if you don't want any more distraction?

If it happens once a day, then yes, it only takes a few minutes. But it’s exactly the same with a phone call -“sorry, can’t talk now,” takes no longer. And changes are most calls can be dealt with immediately, so texting is a waste of time.

It depends on your work. Most calls I'm involved in are longer than 5 minutes. If it's something quick then it'll be IM. Written forms of communication are also better for showing extracts from logfiles or other screenshot which is what a lot if our work ends up with. Plus many of my colleagues don't have English as a first language, and some of them prefer writing to speaking (as do I with other languages.)

It depends on your work. Most calls I'm involved in are longer than 5 minutes. If it's something quick then it'll be IM

Why do you think it is more effective to type out a short query and then wait for the other person to type a response, maybe request clarification etc than to have a quick phone call, which will probably take less time?

It’s like txting a query when your colleague sits three desks away. Just silly.

"Phone calls are the resort of the illiterate."

Right. Yep. I went to sleep, woke up and I'm still living in a weird fucking world!

Can I 💍u hun? R u ok? XX

That'd be like sending my granny a telegram when I wrote her a letter.

Intrusion is the constant pinging of texts and WhatsApps (oh the blue ticks...egg timer is running down!) the distraction of that. Picking up the phone, opening, reading, replying, putting phone down, repeat repeat repeat...oh. I have a Facebook notification, might as well check that while I wait...wonder if they got my n ssafe yet, better check the ticks...oh I hope they hurry up and reply, this is urgent...

Message not n ssafe. My phone is illiterate ffs. And it posted too soon.

Sorry you expect people tote for email you that they are going to call you on the phone?

Don’t be ridiculous. It’s often easier to chat on the phone than go back and forth on emails

@WeAllHaveWings

I expect at least a weeks notice and a full agenda before every phone call. It is only polite.

Same with knocking my front door.

I assume notice to be sent by signed for post so you know it's been received

What insane generations of snowflakes, I'm guessing that everyone who grew up and started work before emails were invented can't comprehend some of the ridiculous preciousness on this thread

If previous generations hadn't spoken on the phone how would all the other methods of communication been invented

I’m not paid for the work I do - it’s a professional environment and I liaise with a lot of people that are employed. I hadn’t considered before reading lots of these responses that it does influence my expectations of what’s reasonable in terms of others contacting me and me contacting the other volunteers. I do find I use the phone rarely socially too though. I’m not an introvert socially but maybe I am workwise!

How do all you phone deniers manage to hold down paying jobs?

Boggling

People are really funny about phone calls now
I ring people from 8am at work and so many are grumpy. If you don't want waking up/disturbing then don't answer or use silent or DND surely?

Like I don't want to be ringing you at 8am, I would rather be having a brew and some toast still but it's my job and I don't make the times!

You've made me realise that 99% of the work calls I make or receive are pre-warned. A quick message asking to chat now is normal and expected. If there isn't pre-warning then profuse apologies are usual. Yet it wasn't always like that, I remember having loads of calls back when they weren't even video-con. You're definitely not the only one who prefers pre-warning and I think these days it's considered polite.

@TrashyPanda

It depends on your work. Most calls I'm involved in are longer than 5 minutes. If it's something quick then it'll be IM

Why do you think it is more effective to type out a short query and then wait for the other person to type a response, maybe request clarification etc than to have a quick phone call, which will probably take less time?

It’s like txting a query when your colleague sits three desks away. Just silly.

A great many messages are responded to while in other meetings, or breaks between. It's common for me to get 10 min breaks, and I'll usually get through a bunch of questions that have come in, but I wouldn't dare call someone because the pleasantries would take too long. (And can be avoided entirely by saying "Hope you're well. I'll be quick as running a workshop. File sent is X, see page Y for Z.")

It's so bizarre for people to claim a ringing phone is intrusive, where's your agency? If you don't want to be disturbed by a ringing phone then switch it off or put it on silent. You can silence some or all of your notifications so it's not as if you will miss emails or other written messages if you silence the phone ring. Some people talk about unsolicited phone calls as if they are a form of persecution. How the hell do you survive in the world?

I'm becoming increasingly convinced that reliance on "screen" communication is exacerbating people's social anxiety. It takes practice to feel comfortable talking to people you don't know well, the less you do it the more likely it is you will find it difficult.

Attitudes to phone use have changed massively in my lifetime. In the past 20 years talking on the phone has gone from being totally routine to something people only do in emergencies.

I remember how upset we all used to get about being forced to listen in to other people’s calls on the train. Nowadays this rarely happens. I used to speak to my close friends multiple times a day: nowadays i average about one non work call a fortnight.

I guess the Gen Y types maybe have a very different approach to it. It used to be part of the fabric of our lives, now it’s really not.

From a work point of view we have a lot of meetings on Teams.
The rest of the time I use chat on Teams for a simple question. Email if I hadn't got a response (not everyone is glued to Teams and getting notifications)
The only time I would call (via Teams) I'd check first if it was a good time and it would usually be for something where we needed video to share screen or occasionally a call with a group of people to get consensus on something that was urgent.

Weird that people are still getting used to this new fangled device called a telephone

Oh dear, how do people cope? As long as it’s not before 9.30 or after 5 on a week day I would just use the phone.