AIBU to not want to ring people without warning?

[Brandnewbrighttomorrow]

Phone calls - back at working from home this week after the Christmas break and have been startled by a couple of people phoning me out of the blue without emailing or texting first, is that odd? I don’t feel that comfortable ringing people myself anymore - with friends only communicate by text or in person - just seems like you’re invading someone’s day by calling them without warning! Thinking telephone etiquette has shifted, maybe accelerated by Covid? AIBU?

I would never expect anyone to notify me they will be calling.

But I grew up before there was email and text.

You just pick up the phone, dial the number, and it rings. Let's the other person know you want to talk to them.

Quite straightforward. It sounds to me like phoning is becoming a novelty?

Entirely unreasonable. Why add in a process? Just procrastinating laziness. Pick up the damn phone!

Pre us all having internet access, social media in particular........... we almost always contacted people by phoning each other, the phone ringing without any warning. That was only 10-20 years ago (depending on who)

Are you quite young @Brandnewbrighttomorrow Like under 32/33?

I'm not being patronising (honestly!) I just ask this, because that generation (born after 1990) tend to hate speaking on the phone - even to their friends and family. It's got to be whatsapp or texting, or intagram, twitter, or facebook.

I know a 19 y.o. right now who huns and babes and LOLs with people on twitter and whatsapp, but runs a mile to avoid speaking to them in real life if she spots them. Utterly bizarre.

I also know a few under 30s who don't answer their mobile phone (90% of the time,) even to their mum, but then message 2 minutes later, saying 'soz was in shower. Was it important, off out in a minute...' Obvious bullshit. They simply can't be arsed to speak.

Even my own DC (mid 20s) do this sometimes. If I don't answer the phone when THEY ring however, they bitch and moan, and tweet and whatsapp me repeatedly 'WHERE ARE YOU MUM?!!! ARGH!!!'

Oh and YABU, a bit. I do get that a phone call can tie you up a bit, but it's weird to never ever want to speak on the phone.

I suppose it could be a generational.thing. I was having exactly this conversation with DD a few days ago.
I grew up when the only was to contact someone was on the phone, that was stuck to the wall in the hallway at the bottom of the stairs.
It rang, you answered it, end of story.

But DD never calls anyone. She doesn't even have the phone number of her closest friends, as phoning, text, even WhatsApp is old fashioned. They message on Instagram. Apparently it's rude and intrusive to call incase it seems pushy.

I'm autistic and prefer to have notice of a phone call so I know to expect it. I also prefer to arrange a time to call others as it seems rude to just interrupt someone's day. I've learnt that not many people think like me though and doing this can just over-complicate things! 😅

What I don't like about phone calls, when it's personal ones, is if a person launches straight into what they want to say, without first asking if it's a good time to talk. I'm about to have surgery at the end of next week, so have had a few calls this week about various things, all from private numbers so I've had to answer every time in case it was something important. The surgery is for a total hip replacement and I'm in severe pain. Yesterday there was a call from the hospital pharmacy and she just launched straight into asking about the medication I'm currently on, without asking if I was OK to talk. I was in the middle of trying to get from the kitchen to the living room to sit down because I'd just been at my pre op and had done a lot of walking and was just in the door and in agony. I didn't get a chance to ask if I could take a minute to sit down so had to have the whole call in agony. I'd just answered the exact same questions at my pre op, too! I find phonecalls in general are intrusive and in a way, demanding.

Phone calls are the resort of the illiterate. It's texting or WhatsApp or email all the way.
Seriously, I'm oldish and I hate speaking on the phone. Especially for work, or when arrangements are being made. I can never remember what was decided. I like to have a record. Plus my mind wanders when speaking on the phone - I see things around the house (or office) that need doing, etc. Next thing you know, I've agreed to meet X at X for X, when I'm actually not free /don't like X (any of them) or given the impression that I'm an expert in Scandinavian cheese traditions because I've "mmm-hmmmed" in the wrong place.

OM Actual G
I’m a journalist and the idea that I am not allowed to call someone without first warning them is so bizarre. When I first started in the late 90s we had a list of people that we would call every month to find out what was going on in their sector. Yes, now if I am writing a feature with a reasonably long deadline I would email first, but if I am writing a news story, with a deadline of an hour two, I am going to ring you.

I don't text someone before I call them, I just call them. Unless it is during their usual working hours. They're not obligated to answer in any case and I don't take offence if someone can't or doesn't want to answer. I only call people I am really close to though, like some family members and my closest friends. I'm awful for checking my voicemail however.

@ShroomCuppaSoup that is quite possibly the best reply I have ever read! 😂

It’s perfectly normal to be available for phone calls without prior warning during the work day, just as you would be if someone popped by your desk in the office to discuss something.

I’ve worked at home for over 15 years and as long as I’m not in a meeting or on a break - both of which are in my diary for everyone to see - then I expect to receive and take calls. It’s often waaaay quicker to discuss something on the phone than in an email exchange and you can iron out misunderstandings or potential issues much more easily and be sure everyone has the same grasp of the discussion by the end. I can have a quick call in less time than it would take me to craft an email and the recipient to respond. Easy.

My work is quite esoteric but perforce involves members of the public, so they often call me to discuss and have me explain things to them, which would be very hard to achieve by electronic means.

Person to person comms are still important, and the electronic tools are a good addition to, but not substitute for, them.

If it's family or friends I would probably text or message them to ask what's the best time to chat.

If it's work, if it's not urgent then I would email them, or book in a meeting if it's something that can't be dealt with via email. If it was urgent then I would absolutely call.

We have this system at work OP you message on teams before you call, I much prefer it & if someone calls ‘cold’ I just stare at the wee box in the corner of my screen telling me who’s calling, absolutely gobsmacked at the audacity 😂

Unless you are the queen yabu to want people to make an appointment to phone you.

The only time I would notify someone in advance of phone call is if I knew the call would take some time so I would check if they had the time free beforehand. It’s a bit weird to want warning of every call especially work related ones. YABU.

"It’s often waaaay quicker to discuss something on the phone than in an email exchange and you can iron out misunderstandings or potential issues much more easily and be sure everyone has the same grasp of the discussion by the end."
@MsAgnesDiPesto I find this fascinating! It's exactly the opposite of how I experience things! Also, it may be quicker on your side, but on mine I'd be hanging up and trying to remember what you'd said and something would distract me and I'd probably lose the piece of paper I'd made notes on and I'd have to email you with a recap /confirmation, which would be twice as long as just emailing in the first place.

It's a world gone mad. All about control, of everything.

Whatever happened to just picking up the phone to say hi. If the receiver is busy, the world won't stop if they say, "sorry, rushing right now, call you later, toodles".

How does this work?

Texter: Hello, can I call you?
Receiver: Let me check my calendar? Tuesday at 10.15 works
T: schedules call at 10.15 Tuesday
R: Fancies a bath at 10.09 on Tuesday

1.Should they hold off the bath?
2.Reschedule the call
3.Just let the phone go to voicemail and return the call later.

This is so bizarre it must be a windup.

Sorry OP - missed your follow up that it is work callers. Slightly less strange but still odd.

Caller ID is your friend.

I like being texted before a phone call just to ask if it's a good time to talk and have asked a friend to do that before. That's because I know the conversation will last a while and needs to be at a mutually convenient time. I don't like being suckered into draining conversations which can happen when talking a quick call that turns into a long one. It causes anxiety for me. I also just don't like being called out of the blue. I could be doing anything, feeling anything and it immediately shifts my attention and mood to that person. Some people find it rude to not answer or provide an explanation but what if I just don't want to talk? Then I feel guilty saying that as it might not have anything to do with them. Technology has made it so easy to reach people and feel entitled to a response. If its not work related, I can choose when to reply.

But if you don't want to talk, just don't answer the phone!
I don't get the need for anyone, friends or work, to have to make an appointment to speak to you.

I like to have a little notice of when people want to ring. But I hate phone calls so have to psyche myself up for it a bit.

@GADDay Well I would schedule the phone call in order to avoid it being a time when someone might be having a bath/ eating/ putting kids to bed or whatever.

To me it feels very demanding to interrupt someone's day to be like "Talk to me NOW" if it's just for a catch up or chat.

You don't have to schedule days in advance but just a text to say "are you free now/ in half an hour" or whatever means the interruption is minimal.

@SquirrelFan

Phone calls are the resort of the illiterate. It's texting or WhatsApp or email all the way. Seriously, I'm oldish and I hate speaking on the phone. Especially for work, or when arrangements are being made. I can never remember what was decided. I like to have a record. Plus my mind wanders when speaking on the phone - I see things around the house (or office) that need doing, etc. Next thing you know, I've agreed to meet X at X for X, when I'm actually not free /don't like X (any of them) or given the impression that I'm an expert in Scandinavian cheese traditions because I've "mmm-hmmmed" in the wrong place.

🤦‍♀️ utter nonsense! 🤣

What fucking weird world am I now living in?