AIBU to not want to ring people without warning?

[Brandnewbrighttomorrow]

Phone calls - back at working from home this week after the Christmas break and have been startled by a couple of people phoning me out of the blue without emailing or texting first, is that odd? I don’t feel that comfortable ringing people myself anymore - with friends only communicate by text or in person - just seems like you’re invading someone’s day by calling them without warning! Thinking telephone etiquette has shifted, maybe accelerated by Covid? AIBU?

@Kite22

The warning that someone wants to talk to you on the phone is the ringing sound the phone makes!

This ^

It is NOT weird to phone people without warning them you are going to phone them.
It IS weird to be surprised that a phone rings.
It IS weird to expect someone to somehow let you know they are going to phone you before they phone you.

Sorry, but this.

Yes but then you've actually got to ring them back. They might not have time to play answerphone tennis.

It's always a good idea to notice how other people like to communicate when you want something from them.

@JuergenSchwarzwald

I think in the workplace, people should message you first to arrange a time to speak - even if they only need you for 5 minutes, it's not ok to expect you to drop everything you are working on to deal with their query. And in any event you might not be there - you might be in another meeting, on the phone to someone else, in the loo, at lunch, whatever.

Privately, well it depends on friends and lifestyle. I only speak to my mum on the phone and I don't message first to check she is there. But otherwise I only message friends, I don't talk to them on the phone.

That just wouldn't work in my place of work.

I've been working from home because I had covid and my phone hasn't stopped ringing. Between my colleagues, my bosses and clients.

Can't imagine someone emailing to ask if they can call you. That's just two interruptions rather than one.

Work calls; if it's a business partner wanting to discuss something specific / prospector trying to sell me something then generally a call is arranged in advance at a mutually agreeable time.

If it's a colleague, we just call each other as and when required.

Outside of work, I rarely call anyone and don't much like when they call me.

YABU to expect colleagues to pre-warn you they're going to ring, in brief.

I have a friend who likes to phone but always phones when I’m busy or driving i usually just let it go to answer phone then text or call back when it’s more convenient.

However I’m a nurse so I speak on the phone with many people I don’t know, answering the phone is a gamble you never know who it’ll be, anxious relatives or consultant from another hospital or physio etc I quite enjoy it. I’ve got my work hat on so it’s different from personal calls.

@JuergenSchwarzwald

I think in the workplace, people should message you first to arrange a time to speak - even if they only need you for 5 minutes, it's not ok to expect you to drop everything you are working on to deal with their query. And in any event you might not be there - you might be in another meeting, on the phone to someone else, in the loo, at lunch, whatever.

Privately, well it depends on friends and lifestyle. I only speak to my mum on the phone and I don't message first to check she is there. But otherwise I only message friends, I don't talk to them on the phone.

All workplaces? See my response above. If I'm waiting to close an aircraft for departure I'm calling the dispatcher, the refueler, catering, maybe engineering. Maybe ground traffic control.

Should I email them all and ask when it's convenient to call? Would I ever get an aircraft off the ground on time?

@NotTerfNorCis

At work, I don't like it when people call me on Teams without asking first. It's like bursting into someone's office without knocking. It's rude.

But the knocking is the ringing, and you answering is opening the door? Don't answer and they can't burst in?

I do think that’s quite odd to expect to be pre-warned that youre about to get a phone call. Particularly by people within your organisation.

20 years ago that wasn’t possible and people coped ok.

I suppose it depends on your sector. In my work, a call could be a potential new customer who needs a conversationso I can understandtheir needs, an existing customer with an important message or question, or a colleague from the next room asking if I want to go to lunch with her.
I can't see how any of those would be better served with an e mail.

Also because I use a desk phone, not a mobile, texting would be impossible anyway

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing

You’re absolutely right. It is the etiquette to check with people before calling on the phone. Long may that continue!

Not for everyone. I check txt emails etc once a day often hours after they left them. My parents check them days later. If you want a quick chat or have something urgent to tell them it's much better to call.

Sorry op but you are being very strange. You are under no obligation to answer the call and surely a text pinging in is equally disruptive. Obviously you can wait and ring them back when it suits you. The only time I would text someone first is if they are not on duty but I need to speak to them - I would text and ask if it is ok for me to give them a quick ring about XX. If they are on duty, then of course I would just ring them.

I'm with OP - I find it rude at work (office not NHS or anything). Ive let colleagues ring as I know they want something... then they message me or put in diary and it's fine. I expect at least a "hey you have 5 minutes now to chat on XYZ?" Teams message

If it's from school that's fine. It terrifies me to get a call out of blue as I associate I with bad news.

Might be an introvert thing. With work I feel like I'm not everyone else's on call slave and hate to be interrupted in the midst of my work (I get very absorbed)

Mumsnet is an utterly batshit parallel universe

I think this is something where etiquette has shifted slightly, especially as there are so many group calls these days. But, in all of that it's important to remember that it's fine not to answer and it's fine to pick up and say, can I call you back later? At least these days you have a record of who called you.

@PrivateHall

Sorry op but you are being very strange. You are under no obligation to answer the call and surely a text pinging in is equally disruptive. Obviously you can wait and ring them back when it suits you. The only time I would text someone first is if they are not on duty but I need to speak to them - I would text and ask if it is ok for me to give them a quick ring about XX. If they are on duty, then of course I would just ring them.

I would have thought being at work puts you under some obligation to answer the call....

@D4c3

Might be an introvert thing. With work I feel like I'm not everyone else's on call slave and hate to be interrupted in the midst of my work (I get very absorbed)

But is there an expectation that you will be available by phone? I can’t picture how you can be at work but dictate to the people you work for that you can’t be contacted unless you say so.

@Hobnobswantshernameback

Mumsnet is an utterly batshit parallel universe

This. I can’t imagine where you all work, that you have the option of not answering the phone.

How you act in private is another matter, but for workplaces, if you have a phone so people can contact you, they don’t need to ask first!

@ShroomCuppaSoup

Sorry OP, but I think that’s really stage.

How does it work?

Text people before you’re going to call them.

Worry they’ll find a text intrusive so send them a WhatsApp so they know they’re going to get a text.

Fear that you’re being too pushy with the WhatsApp so send them an email to say they’ll get a WhatsApp message shortly.

Emails are really stressful so probably best to call the person to let them know they’ll get an email to announce a WhatsApp advising of a text to precede a phone call.

😂😂

I get it.
I tend to send a quick text saying "Hi X. Would love to catch up / pick your brains about... / hear how ... went. Is now a good time to call?"
Then wait for a response.

I have a work phone. During work hours if that phone rings I will be answering the call, I think that's fair enough. I might even go mad and answer it out of work hours. Imagine that. Without any prior warning too.

I expect at least a weeks notice and a full agenda before every phone call. It is only polite.

Same with knocking my front door.

@thepeopleversuswork

I do think that’s quite odd to expect to be pre-warned that youre about to get a phone call. Particularly by people within your organisation.

20 years ago that wasn’t possible and people coped ok.

Exactly.

For direct communication, face to face is always best. Then phone, and last of all, in writing.

Texting, Whatsapp etc are just forms of writing.

Communicating in writing about communicating verbally is a silly, time wasting and unproductive nonsense.

When people were in workplaces, if you needed to know something, you walked over to a colleague and said “can I ask you about X, Y, Z”

You didn’t text them and ask them when you could ask them something. That is nonsensical and unproductive

FFS. I call everyone as its way easier than texting or 'pinging'. No I will not give prior warning.

This is another example in my view of how much remote working has fucked with people’s heads.

The idea that contacting people in any way is “intrusive” seems to have gained a huge amount of currency. People feels irritated when they are emailed, called, texted without time to prepare.

It’s one thing to expect to be warned ahead of a call on a specific subject but the idea that any kind of approach from people you are actually paid to work with is pretty pathological.

Human contact is to some extent a requirement of most industries. People can expect a certain degree of space and warning but the idea that any inbound approach from another human needs to be flagged ahead of time is pretty weird.