AIBU to not want to ring people without warning?

[Brandnewbrighttomorrow]

Phone calls - back at working from home this week after the Christmas break and have been startled by a couple of people phoning me out of the blue without emailing or texting first, is that odd? I don’t feel that comfortable ringing people myself anymore - with friends only communicate by text or in person - just seems like you’re invading someone’s day by calling them without warning! Thinking telephone etiquette has shifted, maybe accelerated by Covid? AIBU?

@Damnloginpopup right? I thought I'd entered The Twilight Zone reading this thread! The world has gone mad 🤦‍♀️

Very odd, OP.

Text before calling is just daft.

@Damnloginpopup

What fucking weird world am I now living in?

My thoughts exactly.

This is either insanely precious, OP, or more seriously you are suffering from some anxiety that is making you unreasonable.

It is not your colleagues’ job to leave you in your Christmas comfort zone.

Goodness I hope you don't work in a call centre environment..... ever 🤣

Yes you're totally being odd. My colleagues and I call each other without warning all the time, it's necessary to get on with our day.
We also receive hundreds of emails daily so therefore it's nice not to have them added to by someone checking it's ok to call.

I dont like speaking on the phone but understand in a functioning world it needs to happen.

I HATE having 'chats' on the phone with friends/family. I dont do that and will ignore calls. It just feels so awkward. Id rather be with them and see all mannerisms etc or nothing. Speaking on the phone is like a half way house of communication. Also its so bloody intrusive. Text/whatsapp is fine because its so convenient, you can choose when you engage.

Oh and voicemails are a pain in the bum. They're long winded to log into and mostly can be sent in a text.

What fucking weird world am I now living in?

I know it's bonkers.

Why do people assume that everyone else should be thinking about what they may or may not be doing at the time they decide to call. Don't answer if you are busy or pick up the phone and tell the caller it's not convenient and arrange a better time. We are creating a culture where people are fearful of communicating with other humans unless they have time to prepare themselves for the ordeal, it's really not healthy for us.

It's generally polite to ask if it's a convenient time when you call someone so maybe we should work on encouraging that rather than diary scheduled phone calls becoming the norm. The phone was invented for the convenience of immediate communication, why are we going backwards?

Im 35 by the way - for those interested in generational differences

@FOJN

What fucking weird world am I now living in?

I know it's bonkers.

Why do people assume that everyone else should be thinking about what they may or may not be doing at the time they decide to call. Don't answer if you are busy or pick up the phone and tell the caller it's not convenient and arrange a better time. We are creating a culture where people are fearful of communicating with other humans unless they have time to prepare themselves for the ordeal, it's really not healthy for us.

It's generally polite to ask if it's a convenient time when you call someone so maybe we should work on encouraging that rather than diary scheduled phone calls becoming the norm. The phone was invented for the convenience of immediate communication, why are we going backwards?

We've gone forwards - with text/whatsapp

@Kite22

The warning that someone wants to talk to you on the phone is the ringing sound the phone makes!

This ^

It is NOT weird to phone people without warning them you are going to phone them.
It IS weird to be surprised that a phone rings.
It IS weird to expect someone to somehow let you know they are going to phone you before they phone you.

People have been phoning ever since the phone was invented. Texting or emailing before phoning is a very new thing.

YABU if it's work colleagues. If you aren't free, don't answer, but you can't blanket ignore the phone.

Never have I known such angst about the telephone than on MN.
Just answer it or don’t. But you don’t need prior warning.

So you make phone calls to clients, people outside of work but for work purposes? If so you should then email, text them to give them warning that you will be ringing and set up a meeting. If that's how you like things to be done.

Your in work, most the time that means you have to pick up the phone if a colleague calls you to discuss work matters.

This has to be one of the most ridiculous posts I've ever read. Of course YABU - very U. I have never heard of anyone sending a warning that they are going to phone someone, utterly bonkers!!!

@SquirrelFan

Phone calls are the resort of the illiterate. It's texting or WhatsApp or email all the way. Seriously, I'm oldish and I hate speaking on the phone. Especially for work, or when arrangements are being made. I can never remember what was decided. I like to have a record. Plus my mind wanders when speaking on the phone - I see things around the house (or office) that need doing, etc. Next thing you know, I've agreed to meet X at X for X, when I'm actually not free /don't like X (any of them) or given the impression that I'm an expert in Scandinavian cheese traditions because I've "mmm-hmmmed" in the wrong place.

Phone calls are the resort of the illiterate?

This is possibly the most ridiculous thing I've read on here. And for work surely depends on the job. If I'm waiting to close a flight for departure I call the dispatcher, I call the refuelling team, I may need to call catering or engineering. If I emailed and waited for a response I can guarantee NONE of my flights would depart on time.

What fucking weird world am I now living in?

Love it!!

I hate the phone in general. I hate making and receiving phone calls. Most of all I hate voicemails and it takes me a while to listen to them.

However, I have never experienced people making an appointment to phone unless in different time zones or if it was for an interview or a group call etc. I think it's weird to expect advance notice of a general work or personal call.

We've gone forwards - with text/whatsapp

I agree that is technological advancement but it has created a situation where people shy away from direct conversation which is what the the telephone was invented for because it was quicker and more convenient than letters or telegrams. It's as if the desire for direct human connection is a burden people think is being unreasonably placed on them. Text and whatsapp are very useful but I don't think it's good for us to replace conversation with remote forms of communication.

It depends hugely on your sector. It's pointless trying to phone a teacher. They're not going to pick up the phone in class (unless they have some idea the call is coming and it's very urgent).

Admin/office jobs, fair enough, although you do get out of practice with phone calls.

Social calls - please please please ask if it's a good time. I have very little free time and my MIL and DM call me without checking sometimes and it means I either miss out on my tiny bit of leisure time or I get behind on work. Happy to speak to them at a convenient time of course. Friends do text or WhatsApp to arrange a good time for a chat. It's not that unusual especially if you both have young kids.

‘Can I ring you back?’ How hard is it to say that if it’s not convenient. Or don’t answer it in the first place?

@BurntO

Ah ok. I’d find it odd from people I’d never spoke to before and I’d expect a meeting arranged. Just as I wouldn’t appreciate someone I’d never spoke to approaching my desk mid day mid task to rope me into something. Team members and those I work closely with are fine to call whenever because we are on the same page. People within the business that I do not know and wouldn’t be prepared to answer questions to should give a heads up. I decline calls and request a meeting invite and ask what I need to prepare in those cases.

I think this is really odd. I don't understand what is wrong with a call and if, once on the call, the query they raise is one you need to look into you just say that and schedule a follow up call. simple.

@Phineyj

It depends hugely on your sector. It's pointless trying to phone a teacher. They're not going to pick up the phone in class (unless they have some idea the call is coming and it's very urgent).

Admin/office jobs, fair enough, although you do get out of practice with phone calls.

Social calls - please please please ask if it's a good time. I have very little free time and my MIL and DM call me without checking sometimes and it means I either miss out on my tiny bit of leisure time or I get behind on work. Happy to speak to them at a convenient time of course. Friends do text or WhatsApp to arrange a good time for a chat. It's not that unusual especially if you both have young kids.

Why can't you just say I'm really sorry now isn't a good time. I'll be free to call back at X time

@SquirrelFan

Phone calls are the resort of the illiterate. It's texting or WhatsApp or email all the way. Seriously, I'm oldish and I hate speaking on the phone. Especially for work, or when arrangements are being made. I can never remember what was decided. I like to have a record. Plus my mind wanders when speaking on the phone - I see things around the house (or office) that need doing, etc. Next thing you know, I've agreed to meet X at X for X, when I'm actually not free /don't like X (any of them) or given the impression that I'm an expert in Scandinavian cheese traditions because I've "mmm-hmmmed" in the wrong place.

This has to be a joke @squirrelFan

"Phone calls are the resort of the illiterate"

Why are you illiterate if you use a telephone? I have three degrees and work in a sector where communication is key. I often use the telephone because it is quicker if brainstorming a solution to an issue as opposed to back and forth on emails, waiting for people to pick them up. It's not uncommon in my profession and I would find it extremely odd for someone to be anti phone or to think I am illiterate because I use one!

It sounds like your aversion to the telephone is a you problem. You "can never remember what was decided". You "like to have a record". Your "mind wanders". So it's amusing that you seem to be incapable of using the phone effectively due to your own issues with memory and attention yet resort to calling those who can, illiterate.

You say "next thing you know, I've agreed to meet X at X for X, when I'm actually not free /don't like X (any of them) or given the impression that I'm an expert in Scandinavian cheese traditions".... again, a you problem. You can just say you're not available. You can correct a wrong impression. Bizarrely you do have a voice and can use it.

What is this world we are now in?!

Gosh like the olden days, where you could get a phone call any time out of the blue. Imagine how we coped!

I think in the workplace, people should message you first to arrange a time to speak - even if they only need you for 5 minutes, it's not ok to expect you to drop everything you are working on to deal with their query. And in any event you might not be there - you might be in another meeting, on the phone to someone else, in the loo, at lunch, whatever.

Privately, well it depends on friends and lifestyle. I only speak to my mum on the phone and I don't message first to check she is there. But otherwise I only message friends, I don't talk to them on the phone.

Time to brush up on your social skills OP.