AIBU to not want to ring people without warning?

[Brandnewbrighttomorrow]

Phone calls - back at working from home this week after the Christmas break and have been startled by a couple of people phoning me out of the blue without emailing or texting first, is that odd? I don’t feel that comfortable ringing people myself anymore - with friends only communicate by text or in person - just seems like you’re invading someone’s day by calling them without warning! Thinking telephone etiquette has shifted, maybe accelerated by Covid? AIBU?

This sounds like anxiety. Work calls unplanned wouldn't bother me. Sounds very odd that this now bothers you.

It was only after your later posts that I realised you were talking about a work issue. Re real friends : no I don't mind either, a planned one or an unscheduled one. Never have. Don't now. Post covid.

@Brandnewbrighttomorrow

It was work calls - virtually everything I do work-wise is done via email or pre-arranged meetings - it was two people I’d never spoken to before, I guess after 2 years of working from home and a quiet Christmas I’m just not used to talking to strangers any more.

YABU!! It's work.., a quick phone call can often resolve a query much quicker than numerous emails/IM's back & forth!!

@HelloFrostyMorning

Are you quite young *@Brandnewbrighttomorrow* Like under 32/33?

I'm not being patronising (honestly!) I just ask this, because that generation (born after 1990) tend to hate speaking on the phone - even to their friends and family. It's got to be whatsapp or texting, or intagram, twitter, or facebook.

I know a 19 y.o. right now who huns and babes and LOLs with people on twitter and whatsapp, but runs a mile to avoid speaking to them in real life if she spots them. Utterly bizarre.

I also know a few under 30s who don't answer their mobile phone (90% of the time,) even to their mum, but then message 2 minutes later, saying 'soz was in shower. Was it important, off out in a minute...' Obvious bullshit. They simply can't be arsed to speak.

Even my own DC (mid 20s) do this sometimes. If I don't answer the phone when THEY ring however, they bitch and moan, and tweet and whatsapp me repeatedly 'WHERE ARE YOU MUM?!!! ARGH!!!'

Oh and YABU, a bit. I do get that a phone call can tie you up a bit, but it's weird to never ever want to speak on the phone.

This!!

Attitudes to phone use have changed massively in my lifetime. In the past 20 years talking on the phone has gone from being totally routine to something people only do in emergencies.

As someone who has worked as a receptionist (you know, someone who answers phones for a living!) for over 40 years I can tell you that you are talking a load of rubbish!

@Whichcatthatcat

The warning that someone wants to talk to you on the phone is the ringing sound the phone makes!

That made me laugh out loud.

Attitudes to phone use have changed massively in my lifetime. In the past 20 years talking on the phone has gone from being totally routine to something people only do in emergencies.

Really? So what are all the people doing walking along, talking, holding a phone to their ear or with headphones/mic in?

People are really funny about phone calls now
I ring people from 8am at work and so many are grumpy. If you don't want waking up/disturbing then don't answer or use silent or DND surely?

Like I don't want to be ringing you at 8am, I would rather be having a brew and some toast still but it's my job and I don't make the times!

On this thread I'm definitely on the side of people saying don't be daft, about the people who think you should get a warning of a phone call
but there us an etiquette to phoning people, which includes not calling before 9am or after 9pm.
I do turn my wifi off so don't get notification etc when I am asleep, but I leave the calls on just in case there is a night time emergency.

I have 3 adult dc, and a couple of elderly relatives, and they know to ring in emergency. I do NOT count test and trace as an emergency and I too was grumpy when woken on my day off by them.

Possibly the most annoying type of phone call is if someone (or an automated system) sends an SMS to a landline - they seem to get delivered at random and often very antisocial times.

I'm with the OP.

9/10 times when people ring me it's never something that takes 2 minutes to sort. The phone call might only take a few minutes but it invariably results me having to spend time afterwards doing something for the caller.

It's the expectation that I have enough free time "right now" to 1) take a phone call and 2) deal with the query.

No.

Send me a teams message "have you got 5 minutes please?" and follow the subsequent conversation up with an email that I can flag, prioritise and deal with at an appropriate and convenient time.

Yeah this is basically the reason why employers want people back at work. So that communication can flow rather than people pinging back and forth to find a time to have a 20 second conversation. Jeez. Work gets done a lot quicker when people just pick up the phone. Get over it!

If I want to speak to a colleague rather than message I still always message first to say “have you got ten minutes for a call?” It’s polite and considerate, it acknowledges that they might be in the middle of something or about to be, and it gets a more positive response than just interrupting. It takes two minutes, why would you not do that, unless you suspect they don’t want to talk to you? Because if that’s the case they won’t pick up anyway.

@Kite22 which is fine but it gets taken out on me. It's not my choice to ring people before 9am, it's a business decision which I can do nothing about. We open at 8am, so we start ringing people at 8am
It's like complaining to a staff member at Tesco about their opening times. Wrong person to take it out on

@rainyskylight

Yeah this is basically the reason why employers want people back at work. So that communication can flow rather than people pinging back and forth to find a time to have a 20 second conversation. Jeez. Work gets done a lot quicker when people just pick up the phone. Get over it!

No, it doesn’t. Not if the time you’d blocked out to do something important is hijacked by someone who rocks up for a “quick chat” and spends ten minutes chatting shit to demonstrate what a great communicator they are.

@Kite22

The warning that someone wants to talk to you on the phone is the ringing sound the phone makes!

This ^

It is NOT weird to phone people without warning them you are going to phone them.
It IS weird to be surprised that a phone rings.
It IS weird to expect someone to somehow let you know they are going to phone you before they phone you.

💯💯

[quote MaybeHeIsMyCat]@Kite22 which is fine but it gets taken out on me. It's not my choice to ring people before 9am, it's a business decision which I can do nothing about. We open at 8am, so we start ringing people at 8am
It's like complaining to a staff member at Tesco about their opening times. Wrong person to take it out on [/quote]
It isn't really - if I think Tesco open too early, I don't go there at that time. Whereas someone ringing my phone is intruding into my bedroom. That is massively different.

No, I hope people aren't rude and aggressive to you, as, like you say you are just the poor sod on the end of the phone, but a) you can't blame people for being grumpy if you wake them up and b) if people don't feed back that it is unacceptable and out of order to be disturbing them before "office hours", then how does that ever get fed back?

@Kite22 I feed it back but that's all I can do really. I don't choose to ring them, it's an auto dialler

I HATE unexpected calls. They fill me with horror. A message asking if I'm free for a quick chat about x or y, or for a catch up makes that horror go away. I never answer unexpected calls.

the pleasantries would take too long. (And can be avoided entirely by saying "Hope you're well. I'll be quick as running a workshop. File sent is X, see page Y for Z.")

That can be done just as quickly by phone.

I literally have no words at some of these posts. In what world do people live rhar they have to schedule a phone call to a friend? The world has gone mad

@Oneforthemoneytwo

I literally have no words at some of these posts. In what world do people live rhar they have to schedule a phone call to a friend? The world has gone mad

I don't "schedule" phone calls with friends but I wouldn't ring them out of the blue either; they could be busy doing anything that taking a phone call would be difficult, especially with young children!

A simple text "you free for a chat?" isn't so weird is it??

If people are busy they can use their words and tell you that this is the case.

Honestly the way some people on this thread talk about a ringing phone you would think it was a nuclear reactor. Just answer it or don't answer it, no one much cares, hopefully they'll speak to you sooner or later, once you've extricated yourself from your fucking safe space. 🙄

@ChastainsMisery it’s totally weird. I have never texted someone to ask if it’s ok to chat and neither have I received such a text. I call a friend, if they want to speak they answer. If they don’t they ignore or send a text saying “sorry am busy” or even, get this, they answer and say “I’ll call you later” and then they call without sending me a text to check

Some of you are so bloody precious! For God's sake. You're on all these platforms, media sites, emails texts, and you can't answer the phone to speak to someone. What's wrong with you?

I don't "schedule" phone calls with friends but I wouldn't ring them out of the blue either; they could be busy doing anything that taking a phone call would be difficult, especially with young children!

.....then they would either not answer.... or pick up (to check it wasn't something urgent or terrible) and say 'Can I call you back in a bit, things are a bit manic here?'

FFS, the world's nuts enough as it is without people being horrified by a phone call. What happens when the doorbell rings, with an actual person on the other side of it? Do you hide behind the sofa?