Is my "friend" taking the P?

[Cookiecrumble2616]

So.. its a long story but the short(ish) version is this..

About a year ago I reconnected with an old friend. We were best friends for years but lost touch when I moved away at 18.

We would send the odd message through Facebook just to check in and we talked a lot for about 3 weeks when her mum was ill and passed away. I did send the odd message after that to see if she was ok but I'd just had a baby so wasn't there as much as I'd like to have been.

Anyway, fast forward to Feb last year and we decided to have a catch up as I had moved back to the area we grew up. Things were good. It was nice to see her. She was having a bit of a tough time with her then BF so I was really supportive and there for her a lot.

They split up in June after a lot of BS. He was (apparently) horrible to her and was still trying to control her. I have to say I never witnessed this personally but I did see messages (never hers though)

Anyway. Me and my partner did what we could for her. We bought her a car because she didn't have one after they split. She was very picky and only wanted a specific car so we spent days and quite a bit of money to get it but she was adamant she was paying back so we didnt mind. We filled the tank for her because she "couldn't afford" petrol. We paid her first 2 installments of her insurance. She couldn't afford food so we bought her shopping. All in all we've loaned her over £2000 as well as gave her kids money because they needed stuff for school etc.

Just before Xmas we gave her £150 as a gift to help her out.

She seems to have a LOT of problems with men. She's basically throwing herself at anyone with a willy. Married, in a relationship or single. It doesn't matter. She always finds "nutters" or "stalkers" and ends up having issues.

The most recent one was being scary aggressive and she wanted our help AGAIN. It's the same as the past few months. She only wants us if she's getting something.

So, a few days ago she wanted us to go to her as she was scared incase the last man came to her house and kicked off. Whilst there she mentioned she had no shopping in or food for the kids. She also mentioned all the nights out she has had this past month.

AIBU to be angry? I feel like I've been conned and I just want to cut her off but she still owes us money. She hasn't gave us 1p back.

What should I do?

I can't even believe you bought her a car. Astonishly generous... but the rest is foolish. Cut her out of your life NOW and don't get your fingers burned by this utter piss taker ever again.

Next time you want to spend ridiculous amounts of money on a person you hardly know think about what that money could have done for your children. She is conning the shit out of you.

You were a good friend but you will never see that money returned! I think I would distance myself a little or you will be hurt even more

Why are you pandering to this? You need to kick her arse into touch. That's what a proper friend will do (believe me, I've been on the receiving end of it.)

I’m astonished at the behaviour. Yours!

That two grand, plus the cost of the car, should have been in a savings account for your DC.

Have a word with yourself, and yes, go NC.

I've been in similar situation before.
You need to put a stop to what you do for her - at the end of the day she's an adult and you're not responsible for her.

Can you have the car back and recuperate any of the money?

You are very kind hearted and generous but she is taking advantage.

You won't get the money back. Cut your links and walk away.

She obviously has enough money and time to party and find bed fellows so her situation is all of her own creation.
You were initially very generous and kind but she doesn't appreciate your gesture and now is using you.
I don't think you'll see your money I'd drop her like a hot potato now and let her paddle her own canoe.

I voted YANBU but you have been incredibly naive and your “friend” has realised you have a kind hear and has taken advantage of you. I think you are going to have to kiss bye bye to the money you’ve spent and block her.

I had the unfortunate experience of helping out someone like this. Suffice to say that her third try on was refused (was 200 each time before that, so I could afford to write it off and did).

Third try was pleading for 500 to help pay for house insurance and groceries. I said I would pay them and send on the bill for the insurance and a list for the groceries. Snap! Nothing came back to me, and she knew she was caught out. Turned out she had used me and others to fund her toyboy love rat's lifestyle in Turkey.

I no longer see her or have contact, and she knows why.

I would never see anyone go hungry or be cold if I can help out, but I will personally pay the bills, never give cash. Funnily enough I don't get many begging messages anymore.

Cut your losses walk away

@Cookiecrumble2616

I should add too that her car is now broken (she ran it dry and now it's in limp mode and she ran the brakes til they were almost non existent) so i think this is another reason she won't give us money. It's like she bashes the "shit car" so she doesn't have to pay for it because we bought crap..

You’ll never see the money again, so you may as well cut the leech off. M This though - you only gave (and it is gave) her the car in June, so I don’t see how she’s at fault for the brakes being non existent.

Honey you’ve been wonderful; you’ve been a very kind, thoughtful and empathetic friend. While the you do need to work on boundaries, problem is the receiving party of your love and she does not deserve you. It know hurts but let the money and the hope of transforming her go. Practice no and show yourself the same kindness you showed your friend.

I think you've stepped into role of parent / rescuer and her the child / rescuee. She sees it as your job to fix her problems now and isn't taking responsibility. Only thing you can do is step back and break the pattern.

Sorry, you lost me ar 'we bought her a car'

You say she said she'd pay it back
but did you have any feasible reason to believe that
her income, a plan put in place for how it was going to be realistically payed back?
prioritising nights out over her kids food is neglect
and shes really irresponsible to involve these men in her lives
But so are you for getting involved in the first place
if you want to do the right thing tell social services

in her and her childrens lives*

I'm not sure what you're asking or why you've posted
It's quite obvious that she's taking the piss

Evening, everyone. It looks like the OP has deregistered now. Since she's clearly not returning and no one is going to get any further answers we're going to close the thread to new posts so folk aren't wasting their time with questions that won't be answered.