Is my "friend" taking the P?

[Cookiecrumble2616]

So.. its a long story but the short(ish) version is this..

About a year ago I reconnected with an old friend. We were best friends for years but lost touch when I moved away at 18.

We would send the odd message through Facebook just to check in and we talked a lot for about 3 weeks when her mum was ill and passed away. I did send the odd message after that to see if she was ok but I'd just had a baby so wasn't there as much as I'd like to have been.

Anyway, fast forward to Feb last year and we decided to have a catch up as I had moved back to the area we grew up. Things were good. It was nice to see her. She was having a bit of a tough time with her then BF so I was really supportive and there for her a lot.

They split up in June after a lot of BS. He was (apparently) horrible to her and was still trying to control her. I have to say I never witnessed this personally but I did see messages (never hers though)

Anyway. Me and my partner did what we could for her. We bought her a car because she didn't have one after they split. She was very picky and only wanted a specific car so we spent days and quite a bit of money to get it but she was adamant she was paying back so we didnt mind. We filled the tank for her because she "couldn't afford" petrol. We paid her first 2 installments of her insurance. She couldn't afford food so we bought her shopping. All in all we've loaned her over £2000 as well as gave her kids money because they needed stuff for school etc.

Just before Xmas we gave her £150 as a gift to help her out.

She seems to have a LOT of problems with men. She's basically throwing herself at anyone with a willy. Married, in a relationship or single. It doesn't matter. She always finds "nutters" or "stalkers" and ends up having issues.

The most recent one was being scary aggressive and she wanted our help AGAIN. It's the same as the past few months. She only wants us if she's getting something.

So, a few days ago she wanted us to go to her as she was scared incase the last man came to her house and kicked off. Whilst there she mentioned she had no shopping in or food for the kids. She also mentioned all the nights out she has had this past month.

AIBU to be angry? I feel like I've been conned and I just want to cut her off but she still owes us money. She hasn't gave us 1p back.

What should I do?

So passive. Sorry I don’t see this as you being “a softie” or “really nice”. It’s downright odd to buy cars for friends - never come across this in 47 years. Your boundaries are a disaster.

I’d be tempted to make her give the car back and sell it to at least recoup something.

@Cookiecrumble26166

I'm thinking about just replying to her saying forget it and then be done with it all. It's not worth the headache. She's shown who she is now and I've learnt a lesson.

I suppose everything happens for a reason 🤷🏽‍♀️

I'd just take it as an expensive lesson & be done with her. She's shown you who she really is 🙈 hope you're ok 💐

She's not even using the car, it's being neglected and if you leave it much longer it'll be worthless. Take it back in your name, get it fixed and sell it. That way you've at least recouped some of the money, you can write off the rest of her debt and try to put all this behind you. If you leave it with her it'll just rust up and she'll have it scrapped for £50.

You can salvage something from this. She'd probably welcome it, because if you take the car back she won't feel the burden of owing you anymore. Making someone indebted to you, as you have done here, often makes them hate you. Remove the car, remove the debt, and things will go back to how they were before, only with you being a bit more savvy this time.

There are not many people like this but if you let them they will rinse you dry

Surely as the car is so shit (in her view) she won’t mind handing it back?

Never lend money if you can't afford to lose it. People borrow because they haven't got any money and they won't have it when you need it back. Cut your losses and go NC.

@MsTSwift how very odd. I would think at age 47 you would realise that just because you haven't encountered it, it doesn't mean it doesn't happen or that it's strange.. your mind must be blown daily.

Here's another one for you. I hope you're sitting. Every 3 months me, my husband and kids go and buy homeless people meals and supply them with things to keep them warm. Sometimes we even pay for them a night in a hotel with a meal.

So thank you for your judgement on my boundaries but I don't see it as you do. I do see it as being too soft with what I thought was my friend. I should've said no. I see that now. Sorry I'm not perfect but life gives you lessons.

Hi op, you sound extremely kind. However, you have definitely made a rod for your own back by allowing her to continually take advantage of you and your partner.
Please don't give her a penny more.
Go nc also.

@Dillydollydingdong I don't NEED it back. It was principal. She insisted on paying me back. So obviously i expected it. I can replace the money.

I agree though. I think it's time to just walk away and cut my losses

That’s money you could have used for your kids’ futures or a new kitchen or build a well in a developing country.

You keep saying you’ll save it again, but how long will that take?

What’s done is done but don’t be so soft un future.

Yes she has taken the piss but you have let her

@ANameChangeAgain

What's the old saying? Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.

This🙄 You are a mug

I actually feel sorry for the people that don't believe this is real.
I feel even worse for the people that find the need to be nasty. Must be hard being perfect.

Ha don't feel sorry for me, I'm not splashing the cash on total pisstakers like I'm a lottery winner lol

I've been there OP.

So many dramas , no money for food or money for rent and bills.
Yet... lots of new clothes for her despite no school sweatshirt for child.
No money for food or petrol yet could afford a rare breed of puppy and an original artwork.

I handed over loads. I felt guilty but kept having to bite my tongue.

A mutual friend opened my eyes when she told me how much she'd also supported.

The scales fell away and I barely hear from her as I cannot talk to her anymore.

Please back away OP. She's not your problem, but, like me, you'll never get your money back.

Op, people weren’t being nasty, just blunt And now you’re not posting like the kind of person spends thousands on someone you lost touch with and met again.

Lol muppet

@phishy I disagree. Calling someone names isn't nice and calling someone a liar isn't nice.

Blunt is fine. I'm OK with that. Also not agreeing with my decisions is fine but there's no need to be vile towards me.

@kitkat151 thank you. You're lovely x

@Drmanhattan thanks sweetie 😘 have a nice night

@phishy just out of interest what does someone that spends money on people talk like?

Are you saying you can only do that if you're willing to be abused off strangers?

I am lol