To be freaked out by affording (older) children?

[HelpMeHiveMind]

The AIBU here is a bit misplaced- obviously IBU to not have realised children cost lots. We've purposely only had 2 (although we'd love 3) as didn't feel we could provide everything we wanted for more. I also know millions of people manage - probably with lots less than us...we are quite comfortable although live in SE where it doesn't go anywhere near as far as it would elsewhere.

My question is more how do people actually do it when they become teens / young adults and start needing:

• mobile phone contracts
• cars
• University fees
• uni accommodation
• maybe even house deposits

The really big things, basically, that they're unlikely to be able to manage alone.

We've been saving into accounts for them since babies but initially only at £25 pm (all we could afford back then), now £100 pm. It still isn't going to touch the surface of what they'll need. And there are two of them with a gap, so things like remortgaging are problematic as can't cover one and not the other. We are also mortgaged to the hilt already.

So how do folks do it?

The kids will need part time jobs obviously!

Mobile phones can be 10 quid a month. None of the rest is compulsory. Uni fees and accommodation are covered by loans that the student has to bear out of their graduate salary. It might mean they need to choose a uni in a cheaper place if you can't help, or get part time work. Helping with house deposits is nice but not obligatory. I'd be more worried about expensive sports hobbies etc and driving lessons rater tan a car.. Again, not a necessarity

Mine are older but I still worry the same although dont have 100 a month to put away for them!!!!

Mobile phone we got refurbished and have a £6 per month contract.

We wont be able to get a car but hope to do driving lessons. Lots of people dont have cars until they work.

Uni fees - student loans.
Uni life - we will gice them what we're not spending here but it will be student loans.

House deposit. Nope. Hoping for another first time byer isa or similar by then.

Giving then a good childhood and base here and support them to do well at school and seek what careeer/uni will suit them will be what we do do.

I dont like that choices narrow so early (choosing gcses at 12...) and the influence degree has and immediate years on the rest of career!

Good question, we don't even have savings for them do will just have to manage the best we can I guess... and we have three with only a two year gap between each.

Mine are teens so we already pay phone contracts which can be done pretty cheaply.

Car - my 15, year old is already saving up her money to buy a cheap car (though I'm sure she has no idea that the insurance will cost more than the car)

University fees -they will get a student loan for that. Accomodation too, if necessary they will need to get more loans, although we'll help as much as we can. Pretty sure we fall into that annoying category of not being poor enough to get any grants but not rich enough to actually be able to afford to pay for accommodation etc.

I think encouraging the kids to get a Saturday job asap is part of my tactic....and good for their prospects too.

Firstly, it's really nice you want to provide for them BUT I'm of the strong opinion that they should work for what they want rather than have parent just give it to them. I think they will appreciate help but in the long run it won't actually be benefit them for you to just give it all to them... especially at your own expense.
If they want a car... they should get a job and save, maybe you can help with insurance or lessons?
University can be covered by student loans... they are more likely to work hard AND pick a more employable course if they will be paying for it in the long run.
It would be so great if you can help them with buying their first homes but again... this should be something they drive and save for too!

The only person I knew with a car at university was from Cornwall and had to use it to get home! Most people learn to drive after graduating in my experience, insurance is so expensive if you're under 20!

I'm pregnant with my third and I figure once the kids are older I'll work and give them my salary to help with cost of living at university. I currently work a few hours a week and my salary goes half into a holiday fund and half into their savings.

Presumably your own expenses will go down once you're only cooking for two, so that difference can be transferred to them?

Ha posted same time as Huge with similar things!

And yes we're paying for music and sport lessons now (I guess instead of saving it, as we have no money left over but have prioritised these) .... and they want Doc Martens... And school bus fares and more expensive uniform. Shoes. These are my day to day worries. Life is expensive for teens without even getting latest gadgets (thankfully not into gaming and we aren't the type to get latest iphones...)

Except mobile phone my kids will be doing the rest themselves just like I did. I wont have the ability to give them deposits or buy cars. I will help them put where I can but if they want those things they will have to work and save.

We own a business. They will have the offer to work for us as soon as they’re old enough. They won’t just be getting stuff like their phone contracts, tuition fees and uni accommodation paid for.
We want them to learn the value of money just like we had to.

University will have to be self funded too. We may be able to top up slightly but not much.

Mine had (cheap) mobile phone contracts for birthday presents until they had jobs and covered it themselves.

They had occasional use of our second car when they first passed their test. Everything else they've covered themselves, whilst having lots of practical and emotional support.

I don't actually think you help them to have all that come easily.

I guess this all depends on your own salary, but for me teenagers cost way way less than under 5s because of childcare.
Childcare to work was £50 PER DAY per child. A £20 mobile phone contract per month is nothing in comparison.
Once they're over about 11, you can work full time with no childcare costs - save all that!
Things like house deposits are luxuries - these are things many people provide for themselves.

As a teenager I got my phone contract as part of my birthday present and it was capped to a certain value a month. For cousins that are now teens my uncle buys the phone out right and then they’re on basic £12 a month contracts for sim only.

It also depends how much you want to support your children during uni and would say the courses they plan on doing. My parents could afford it to support me during uni but my mum decided I needed to learn life lessons so I have 3 jobs whilst at uni. Some of my friends would work all summer to afford the year at uni instead. My friends that did medicine were supported by their parents and a lot of them worked during summer to have additional funds as they’d have struggled to work whilst studying.

I think it’s safe to assume if you’re children don’t go to uni the first year in halls most likely wouldn’t be covered by the student loan so keep so much aside if you’d like to subside the difference. Some peoples parents (I would say about 20% of my course) paid fully for their accommodation and they lived off their loan. I would say this was a luxury, our course was 12 hours a week there was no reason they couldn’t get a part time job and support themselves.

My parents had bonds they’d bought when I was younger and this was cashed in to buy my first car. A cheap runaround, when I came to replace it I wasn’t entitled to the money and had to save for my car. They did pay my insurance on my first car whilst I was in full time education which luckily wasn’t that much more expensive than it would of been for them to solely been insured. I would say I benefitted from them paying for my driving lessons as part of my 17th and car as it allowed me to get another part time job and flexibility in options of places to work and they also didn’t need to pick me up at unsociable hours.

I’ve recently bought a house using my own savings and they’ve purchased me some expensive pans and dresser.

My parents paid for my phone contract.

I paid for my first banger and uni (with help from loans) and then lived at home while I saved for my house deposit. I had a part time job at 15 and built a good career up after uni.

You absolutely don't need to fund the big stuff.

I worry about this too and mine are only 5 and 1. We do save for them but only £10 a month plus Birthday/Christmas money.

I think house deposits will be unrealistic but I would like them to be able to choose whatever uni they want (eg. in an expensive city) and for them not to have to work in term time if it's a particularly strenuous course (eg. medicine).

You can offer to let them live with you to save for a house deposit if you can’t afford to actually hand one over.

Don't be drawn in to buying expensive phones/gadgets just because "everyone else has got them". DS managed just fine with a cheap smart phone when "everyone else has an iphone" (no they didn't). He still has a relatively cheap phone now at 25 as he isn't drawn to having the latest must have item!
Student loans and summer jobs funded most of uni - we did contribute but he managed pretty well on his own. He was, however, in a city where accommodation was relatively cheap. That may need to be a consideration in choice of uni if money is an issue. Driving lessons were gifted for birthday/Christmas.

If you are in England, university students get a loan to pay for fees which is then paid back by the student once their salary reaches a certain level.
They can also apply for a maintenance loan - this is means tested in relation to parental income. Currently the maximum amount is about £9400. All students are entitled to the minimum loan of about £4500. Figures are different if living at home or studying in London. Parents are expected to make up the difference. The minimum loan rarely covers accommodation costs, let alone food etc. Most students do get part time jobs, but those with heavy timetables may be limited in terms of hours; some unis don't allow term time employment. There are lots of things to take into account!

I’m a single parent with an income of around 14k (for everything). There’s an 18 month gap between the 2 and both are academic.

They won’t be getting phones as I feel they’re detrimental to mental health and development.

They have trust funds for uni, but I’d rather they bought property outright and took the loans.

They won’t get everything they want - few of us in life do!

@Hankunamatata

Except mobile phone my kids will be doing the rest themselves just like I did. I wont have the ability to give them deposits or buy cars. I will help them put where I can but if they want those things they will have to work and save.

This is my thinking too. A car is a luxury! They might not even need one for years.

Well my first refused to do A levels never mind uni! He did an electrician course then got an apprenticeship.

2nd has deferred uni and has a job that he can go part time with when he goes this year

My mobile phone contract is only £18 a month , they had similar when I paid for them

Oh, I did pay towards a crash course for ds1 when he turned 21 but I don't see it as something I need to pay for, my parents didn't pay for mine!

My DC have hand me down phones or 2nd hand (off eBay) and we pay SIM only, works out much cheaper for us than being on a contract.

I think to some extent you are confusing needs and wants.

They don't need their own car for starters! I never had one until I was 26 and able to afford my own. I had a few driving lessons as a birthday present at 17 but had a part time job for more and practised in my parents car.

They also dont need expensive mobile phones - it's the handsets that make contracts expensive, not the 5g/texts/calls. You can get very basic smartphones for a fraction of the cost of the latest iPhone or Samsung. If they want a trendier handset they'll need a part time job.

University fees are covered in full by student loans.

Uni living costs however you are expected to support. I'd focus your savings on having some money for this. House deposits too I think are hard without some parental support but the best thing you can do for your kids is to help them consider pay prospects when thinking about careers, as they will need less from you if they earn well themselves. They might "love" dance or art or sport but those things don't often lead to well paid work, it's important to understand that you can do the things you love as hobbies.