To be freaked out by affording (older) children?

[HelpMeHiveMind]

The AIBU here is a bit misplaced- obviously IBU to not have realised children cost lots. We've purposely only had 2 (although we'd love 3) as didn't feel we could provide everything we wanted for more. I also know millions of people manage - probably with lots less than us...we are quite comfortable although live in SE where it doesn't go anywhere near as far as it would elsewhere.

My question is more how do people actually do it when they become teens / young adults and start needing:

• mobile phone contracts
• cars
• University fees
• uni accommodation
• maybe even house deposits

The really big things, basically, that they're unlikely to be able to manage alone.

We've been saving into accounts for them since babies but initially only at £25 pm (all we could afford back then), now £100 pm. It still isn't going to touch the surface of what they'll need. And there are two of them with a gap, so things like remortgaging are problematic as can't cover one and not the other. We are also mortgaged to the hilt already.

So how do folks do it?

Phones - we bought cheap Chinese smart phones upfront and pay £6 per month for a sim only deal with our broadband.

Cars - as far as I'm concerned they can pay for their own once they graduate. University towns are good for public transport.

University fees - they'll the loans

University maintenance - we'll help a lot with this. Been planning and saving for a while.

House deposit - we'll help as much as we can but goodness knows what the market will be like when it comes to them buying. I'm not sure if what we can give will make much difference.

You can't do it all.

Where I live full time nursery for a baby is more than double uni fees. Not saying you’ve spent this much but some prams cost as much as a second hand car. I’m not actually convinced they get more expensive! But student loans exist for a reason, no teen needs a car, part time jobs are great experience and a house deposit would be a very generous but crazy luxury. The only thing you actually need to give them from that list is the phone and you can get cheap contracts/give them your old one when you upgrade.

I have teens - the only really big expense is driving lessons so far. We feel that it is part of their education and our responsibility to pay for driving lessons, but that's not something all parents agree with and lots don't pay for lessons, or only for some.

Mobile phones are cheap - nobody in our family pays more than 10€ per month. We have Android phones bought outright for around 100-150€ and they do everything anyone needs. Spending more is just daft IMO. If the children want something else they're welcome to buy them themselves.

Our eldest is studying but lives at home and has a babysitting job. We live abroad though and this is the norm. She aims to move out once she's been earning a full time salary for a year.

We save for the children but less than you - it's good I think if they have a few thousand to launch with but they certainly don't need to be handed a ten percent deposit to buy a house! Enough for a rental deposit and a second hand car is good if you can launch them with that IMO.

In other words it's not necessary to hand offspring hundreds of thousands of euros/ pounds! In fact it probably isn't even desirable to give them too much on a plate in terms of unnecessarily expensive consumer electronics and huge cash handouts as it really doesn't encourage self reliance!

The university costs in England and Wales are probably the main issue - encourage a degree apprenticeship or something with funding! I don't think young adults have the luxury of doing a degree which doesn't lead to anything now that the majority can get a place at university so easily - just having any random degree isn't worth much any more.

You don't have to provide any of that. My parents have never bought me a car or helped me buy a house. I got through uni on loans, credit cards and a part time job. Don't put yourself under unnecessary pressure.

£12 phone contract when when they started secondary school-this is paid from their own pocket money so they get used to seeing the bill going out of their bank account. They get £10 allowance per week and know to budget for it.

Driving lessons they have savings for. Both have been lucky enough to get bits of tv and modelling work.

They will get a Saturday job at 16. We will pay for uni, we pay for private school so as long as circumstances don't change for the worse it will just be a continuation for us.

Housing-we will have to see where we are when they get to that point. I'm happy for them to stay at home and help build up a decent deposit as long as they are working and actively saving. They will both have about £15k from us to help, but it feels more important that they are taught to save and plan for the future.

Stick to one child then you can afford to give them a better life.

I'm probably going against the grain here, but I intend to pay for most things and keep paying!! I would be honoured if I was able to help DD buy a house!!

I get working hard for everything you get. My parents did that to me. Jobs since 12, bits of pocket money. I hated it! It didn't motivate me to work harder. It was just a constant source of frustration because they were stingy with money for basic things (affordability wasn't the issue, it was "I worked hard and suffered, and so should you").

I like buying dd who's now 7 nice clothes and investing in her hobbies. I want her to learn the value of work when she's a teenager but still intend on clothing her, funding her hobbies and supporting her financially. Uni funding is shit and the consequences of the debt is years in the making. I worked through college then uni as bartender, waitress and carer, and it was shit. I don't want her to have to do it to the extent I did so we save now so we can support her.

I want her to have the best and will do everything at my disposal to do that and to do it in a way that doesn't result in her being spoilt and entitled.

I’m not buying my DC cars and houses! I’d like to think we can manage a bit of help with their uni fees but if we can’t we can’t. I didn’t have any help so 🤷‍♀️.

I think we all need to accept that apart from the very well off, doing these things for our children are a relic of a now bygone era. Lots of studies are showing millennials are the first generation in over a hundred years to be worse off than their parents. It’s going to be worse for Gen Z and whatever comes after.

My mum never paid my car, phone bill or university fees. I paid keep of £450 a month (when working) I didn't have any financial support.

Kids can get jobs, you certainly shouldn't need to pay their phone bill if they're over 18.

I still managed to work, go to university and save for a deposit and pay for my driving lessons.

I probably won't be as strict as my mother (really low income upbringing) but my children will grow up and be able to support themselves

My question is more how do people actually do it when they become teens / young adults and start needing:
- mobile phone contracts
- cars
- University fees
- uni accommodation
- maybe even house deposits

Out of your list, university fees are not an issue as they are covered by a loan, they don't need to have cars bought for them and house deposits are something that are lovely if you can help, but not the norm.
Your child will get a maintenance loan for university based on your income, which you are expected to top up to the maximum amount, and accommodation costs come out of that. Mobile phones contracts are unavoidable, but they don't need to be the most expensive.
Having said that, although we already top up our son's loan, we do also pay for things like sports club fees on top of that and also often cover the costs of various one-off things.

I find your post really interesting. My DC are much younger so I have a while until I need to think about this. But although we are saving for them, there is no way we will be able to help them with everything on your list. Is that a standard level of support these days/in your area?

I was working on the basis that my DC would take out loans to go through uni - we will obviously help them where we can but it's not a given. Maybe driving lessons for a birthday but definitely not their own car. We saved our own house deposit and would want our DC to do the same although again we will help them out if we possibly can. Starting to wonder now if this makes us outliers 🤔

Wow the electrician course is fantastic! And will be a good income. Most tradespeople earn better than us round here (highly academic but not great salaries!). A friend's child is doing an accounting apprentice-degree which means they can stay home and earn while learning too. These are great options.

I do worry a bit about my child not having the means other students do at uni....

Careers we're the same as you. I am hoping we're only outliers to the high earning world.... not the world in general.

Mobiles don't have to be expensive. I don't think cars are an necessity.

I wasn’t a teenager that long ago, and this is how my parents did it (and still do with my teenage siblings).

• £10 a month phone package. Phones are either bought outright (the £150 ones) or inherited from parents/older siblings. No new iPhone 12 for Christmas.
• They didn’t buy us a car. Who does?? We were welcome to work if we wanted one.
• Uni fees - maximum student loans, or move to a country where university is free.
• Accommodation - student loans again, or apply for scholarships and bursaries. Get part time jobs whilst at uni. Move somewhere with cheap accommodation.

Brother pays the equivalent of £275 pm for a small studio flat in Berlin. That’s an expensive city in Germany! He could pay less somewhere else. Uni is £550 a year (no zeros missing).

• We won’t have house deposits. We’re adults, and capable of working if we want to save for one.

I don’t get this trend of paying for everything your over 16 child needs. Sure, it’s nice when parents can help out. I am sure it’s extremely appreciated when that happens. But most people can’t afford to pay for uni, cars and house deposits for all their children…

If they’re able-bodied, mentally fit adults who could get a job, then they need to get a job and save themselves for all the things you listed above (except uni in the UK - that’s just impossible).

Most people don't get all of those things. My parents were fairly well off and paid for my phone, driving lessons, uni accommodation but not a car (I shared my mother's) or tuition fees (loan). I also paid for my own personal expenses by working

I think the short answer is you do what you can at the time. Most people’s financial situations get easier as they get older, catastrophes aside, we certainly have more disposable income than we did 10 years ago. My advice would be to keep saving, make sensible choices, and always cut your cloth to suit. Can’t do much more than that really.

- mobile phone contracts
payg - we pay 10 a month if dc need more they pay from their pocket money

- cars
we pay for the driving license but not cars

- University fees
have been saving from very young to allow for minimal student loan

- uni accommodation
as above. savings to minimuse student lians

- maybe even house deposits
no way!

@WoodenReindeer

Mine are older but I still worry the same although dont have 100 a month to put away for them!!!!

Mobile phone we got refurbished and have a £6 per month contract.

We wont be able to get a car but hope to do driving lessons. Lots of people dont have cars until they work.

Uni fees - student loans.
Uni life - we will gice them what we're not spending here but it will be student loans.

House deposit. Nope. Hoping for another first time byer isa or similar by then.

Giving then a good childhood and base here and support them to do well at school and seek what careeer/uni will suit them will be what we do do.

I dont like that choices narrow so early (choosing gcses at 12...) and the influence degree has and immediate years on the rest of career!

Don’t buy a car? Teens I teach get retail work often to pay for lessons- they are VERY motivated when it is their money, much more than I’m my eng lessons 😂 Phones/ they like new, high level tech, but it carries status for a reason- very very few in any one classroom will have anything other than hand me downs or refurbs and rarely new models. They will tell you different, but it’s deff not the case! I work in v mixed inner city area- dh works in v affluent area, both of us confiscate phones hourly 😂 they are never new!

I personally think there's not that much difference between providing for young children and teenagers - it's just different stuff

There's more option to earn more the older they get - no childcare costs and more generally more flexibility on hours. Also teenagers can try to get a part time job which helps to pay for some of the extras.

DS1 has a part time job ( he earns more than me!), we still pay for his phone contract and give him money towards petrol for his commute to college. His driving lessons came from a mix of birthday/Christmas presents and his savings. He's driving my car, I now share DH's as he's WFH now.

We probably pay more than we should now, but he's a very good saver so we don't mind as ultimately it all comes from the same pot - if we made him pay for everything himself, we'd need to find the money for Uni which he's currently saving. If he was flippant with money, we'd probably get him to pay out more for his own expenses (car/phone)

My son had a cheap phone but we did pay for his driving lessons and a cheap banger. He had to pay his own insurance from day one.

I kitted out his kitchen and gave him the basic furniture for his first (rented) place, but he and my DIL are saving their own deposit. I help where I can because I want them settled.

• mobile phone contracts - £100 limit on a phone for a birthday present. If they want better they have to save and contribute to it. £10 a month voxi sim.
• cars - driving lessons and increase in insurance is a lot but we are not buying a car for dd. If she wants one she has to save for it herself.
• University fees - student loans
• uni accommodation - student loans/she has to get a part time job
• maybe even house deposits - we don’t even own our own house, sorry but they are on their own there.

Mum of 4 here aged 18-6.

We now have 3 teenagers in the house and the university costs are all that scare me. I cannot believe it’s got this expensive and parents are expected to be able to subsidize. When I went to university you just got a loan for all your fees and topped up with a part time job. Seems impossible now.

DS has a refurbished phone which cost about £250 and he had as a birthday present, the contract is £7 pm.

He will need to work and save up if he wants to buy a car, like I did.

Uni - he will take whatever loans he can, we will need to top up. We currently pay school fees so will have a buffer once he's at uni and we don't have to cover those, but he certainly won't get as much as the £2k pm they cost. He will be expected to get a part time job and work in the holidays.

House deposit - we're paying school fees in the hope he'll be able to get a decent job once he's graduated and save the deposit himself. If he needs some help from us and we're in a position to do so, we will look at it at the time.

The expense of uni means that depending on what he wants to do career wise (he's only 12 so no idea yet), it may be that an apprenticeship might be a better option, where he can work, study and the employer cover the uni fees.