To be freaked out by affording (older) children?

[HelpMeHiveMind]

The AIBU here is a bit misplaced- obviously IBU to not have realised children cost lots. We've purposely only had 2 (although we'd love 3) as didn't feel we could provide everything we wanted for more. I also know millions of people manage - probably with lots less than us...we are quite comfortable although live in SE where it doesn't go anywhere near as far as it would elsewhere.

My question is more how do people actually do it when they become teens / young adults and start needing:

• mobile phone contracts
• cars
• University fees
• uni accommodation
• maybe even house deposits

The really big things, basically, that they're unlikely to be able to manage alone.

We've been saving into accounts for them since babies but initially only at £25 pm (all we could afford back then), now £100 pm. It still isn't going to touch the surface of what they'll need. And there are two of them with a gap, so things like remortgaging are problematic as can't cover one and not the other. We are also mortgaged to the hilt already.

So how do folks do it?

£500 per month whilst they are at uni yes but the person you quoted was replying to the poster who stated that you should be saving £500 per month for your child every month from birth and thos should be considered when you decided how many children to have. Which is insanity!

@HelpMeHiveMind why not get a second job? If you're wfh do something physical in the evening . Extra £100 a week soon add up.

Yeah £500 from birth and think about affording your children.

I did. I ended up divorced with very little and I had to prioritise such luxurious as food and heat.

Well obviously you just don't give them cars or a house deposit. My parents never gave me those. It's not a key expense when having teenagers like clubs or school trips. You can get a phone contract from Tesco for £7.50 per month with an upgrade every two years.

My parents never paid for my uni either, but it was means tested in those days anyway. It was my choice to go to university so of course I was going to pay back the student loan. For the rest I worked. Saturday job for driving lessons and didn't need a car until I left uni. There weren't many people in my sixth form who had cars.

And yes, OP, I agree that we education is something we should pay for given that we have always talked about University as a normal and perfectly reasonable thing to do. We have also talked about other post-18 options of course. But I would feel we had misled DC if we didn't come up with the pop-up cash to provide what the State see as a reasonable sum. I would expect them to work part time or in holidays as well.

Pop-up cash sounds fun. Can I have some?

I actually am amazed reading all this, it’s so lovely parents do all these things but I got a part time job and paid for all this myself as a teen/starting college. I didn’t get pocket money after 15 as I started part time work, I didn’t realise I was hard done by at all because I made my own way ha ha. I know some friends parents were very kind with cars and phones ect but I didn’t really mind working as i made some great friends. Would have been nice having my college fees paid mind you.

*University fees

• loans. They don't expect you to pay the tuition*

@Rewis in Ireland they do. Only ppl in very low incomes get full grants and the student loan system is not the same here as far as I know. You get the loans from the banks here so it doesn't come out with tax.

It's 3k per year here (at the moment!) for fees and then accommodation would be extra. Probably another 5-6k realistically. But a lot of students do opt to go to their home town university and those that don't find ways obviously. But also I find it is much more common for Irish students to have weekend jobs.

Given that you've been saving since birth how much do they have now?

You would need to give them about £4,500 a year each for uni. So £13k x 2 in total. How near are you to that?

You don't.

Hand-me down phone with a SiM (my phone is a 3 year old reconditioned Samsung with a cheap sky SIM.) Sky is pretty good as you can accumulate unused data and then share it within a family account.

If the kids want more than the basics, they need to get a job! No one bought me a phone or a car . Yes I did get some help at uni from my parents but I lived like a pauper and was immensely grateful. I also repaid some of it to them off my own bat, and my mum saved all that and gave it to me when I bought my first home with my husband.

As a young person i shared a rental fllat or house until i was 32. It's a cheap way to live.

I also grew up knowing i had to make my own way in the world. That meant working hard to get a good education, getting a sensible job at a young age, not spaffing money or taking things for granted.

Teach your kids to budget, teach them to appreciate free things, teach them to budget, teach them the value of money. Train them to know that they won't just be given the big things.

Then anything you can give them will be enormously appreciated.

University- student loans

First car was £1000 saved up for between us and them ...we helped with insurance

They both had holiday and or Saturday jobs

Basic mobile phone ...basic package we paid until one was 18 and working full time and the other until she left Uni at 22

Deposits ..no we will hopefully help them with some appliances

We bought a VW UP! for both our DDs to learn to drive in. We also paid for all their driving lessons, tax and insurance + all petrol. DH was happy to provide them with quality Android phones (he's a computer scientist by qualification, so hates Apple) but they wanted iPhones so they saved up for those themselves (both had Saturday jobs from being 14). We have always paid their contracts though. And we have always paid their gym membership.

DD1 is now at university and only gets the least loan of £4K a year. Her hall fees are £185 per week, so we have to subsidise those + she has a £150 per week allowance for food, travel, socialising, clothes, toiletries etc. Next year, her student room + en-suite in a lovely, refurbished house is £150 per week, inclusive of bills. She also needs expensive camera equipment and other very expensive art materials, which we also buy.

DD1 isn't working during term time, but she is expected to work for DH's company for 2 months this Summer to offset some of what her university life is costing. DD2 starts university this year and we will provide exactly the same financial support for her, too. Though, she likes her luxury labels so intends finding a part time job during term time.

DH inherited a large sum of money when his Mum passed away recently, so some of that is ear marked as generous house deposits for both DDs once they graduate. After that, they're on their own...........we hope

@peaceanddove

We bought a VW UP! for both our DDs to learn to drive in. We also paid for all their driving lessons, tax and insurance + all petrol. DH was happy to provide them with quality Android phones (he's a computer scientist by qualification, so hates Apple) but they wanted iPhones so they saved up for those themselves (both had Saturday jobs from being 14). We have always paid their contracts though. And we have always paid their gym membership.

DD1 is now at university and only gets the least loan of £4K a year. Her hall fees are £185 per week, so we have to subsidise those + she has a £150 per week allowance for food, travel, socialising, clothes, toiletries etc. Next year, her student room + en-suite in a lovely, refurbished house is £150 per week, inclusive of bills. She also needs expensive camera equipment and other very expensive art materials, which we also buy.

DD1 isn't working during term time, but she is expected to work for DH's company for 2 months this Summer to offset some of what her university life is costing. DD2 starts university this year and we will provide exactly the same financial support for her, too. Though, she likes her luxury labels so intends finding a part time job during term time.

DH inherited a large sum of money when his Mum passed away recently, so some of that is ear marked as generous house deposits for both DDs once they graduate. After that, they're on their own...........we hope

You give your child £600 per month to spend? Really? Why? Wouldn't you rather they worked for their money? It's obviously what you want to do but I'd have been embarrassed if my children hadn't worked whilst in 6th form and at University.

£600 a month for food and leisure is more than most families of 4 live on!

£150 per week for food, clothes, travel and socialising! Well fuck!

Mobile phone contracts - shopped around for deals, they haven’t always been able to have the latest model of phones
Cars - we saved from being babies and some birthday and Christmas money went in here too
University fees - student loans
Uni accommodation - depending on earnings you can get maintenance loans for this in addition to loans for fees
Maybe even house deposits - inheritance which is in a trust until a certain age with the intention of using as a deposit

@Francounder

It is means tested. You can get a full maintenance loan of c£9k if you are a low income family.

Yes, but as I said, if you only qualify for the minimum then parents are expected to come up with £5,000 themselves

Well if your parents are lower earners (under around £25K) you can get the full amount. If the parents earn e.g.65K and the student is only entitled to the minimum loan, then the parents are expected to top up. It's not the child's fault that they can't borrow more, when it's because of their parents' income. It's no good moaning that you can't afford it because of your big mortgage, or anything else that you have chosen to spend your money on; the current loan system has been in place for some years now, so parents should have been aware that they will be expected to contribute to their child's university living expenses.

Well the issue is when parents don’t contribute despite their income being the reason the child doesn’t qualify.

Personally I'm not moaning, just pointing out a fact. As OP has mentioned there seems to be a lot of people who don't understand the system though, as evidenced by all the airy "student loans pay for that" comments on here. Well, they might, but they really might not either.

@Feduprenter

Well the issue is when parents don’t contribute despite their income being the reason the child doesn’t qualify.

Yes, unfortunately some parents are unwilling to do what is expected of them and their children then have to work a lot of hours just to be able to afford to live.

[quote bringiton2022]@Alysskea the min amount for repayment is hardly anything - £23k?

My husband and I both earn over £100k, after spending a fortune on their activities, supporting their education and spending approx £45/50k (??) on uni I'd be gutted if they couldn't earn more than £23k a year! Maybe if unwell ?

I think it's a false economy treating loans as a tax and that Martin Lewis is wronf, esp now the government just sells the loan book on and interest rates are 5/6% - effectively students are trapped with a costly product.

I think FCA will intervene at some point. It is not a fair market. Commercial loans are cheaper after all! [/quote]
What on Earth are you talking about?

27K and you pay..... YOU PAY 53 quid a month.

Show me a private loan with those terms, for borrowing 45 grand????

Commercial loans show up on a credit file, commercial loans are payable regardless if you lose your job or resign from your job, how in any direction are they comparable ???

A lot of parents have no idea theyll be expected to make a sizable contribution to their child's living expenses when at university - just look at the responses above. I only found out when my nephew went - luckily he's 6 years older than my eldest so enough time for us to do the math and save up.

If your child gets the minimum student loan, it barely covers the cost of the accommodation. Even with a part time job, they'd be struggling. Yes, some people then live at home to save money but for me, that isn't going to University and living the life, it's just getting a degree.

We've been saving for driving lessons and University for a few years now and have stopped at two children for that reason. Babies are cheap, teengers and young adults are not but we're happy with that and want to give ours what we can afford to give them.

as evidenced by all the airy "student loans pay for that" comments on here. Well, they might, but they really might not either.

To be fair, I think most people who have said loans pay for that have been referring to fees. I don't think anyone has suggested all students can get enough maintenance loan to cover all expenses.

@MorningStarling

If you can put away £500 per month per child from the time they're born you'll have £108,000 saved up by the time they're 18. This should be enough for Uni, a cheap car and a decent deposit. It's best to factor this expense in when planning how many children you're going to have, a lot of people seem to only think of the money they'll need to spend on raising the child, not how much they need to save on top.

No way. I save £100pcm. That is plenty. I had to work for uni, car, house.. my DC can too even though I am much higher income than my parents. I'm grateful I had to work myself. It has made me a grafter as an adult and I think is part of why I do well. I am also conscious that if money if in DC name I can't control what they do with it so definitely no more than £100pcm which will still be a good chunk of money together with birthday and xmas money. Way more than I had even considering inflation. I save money for my husband and I separately and so if anything came up we needed to help with we could hopefully do it. But it's good to work for what you have.