Friends wedding overseas , no kids... what am i supposed to do

[SunnySideUp2020]

A good friend is having her wedding on the other side of the world.
We had been talking about how exciting it will be to reunite for the special occasion since she got engaged in the summer.

I just received the invite. It says no kids...
and I had a baby early last year. She will be too young to stay with anyone especially in a foreign country.

What am i supposed to say? Sorry cant come because i have a baby? I mean she knows I do!!!

Sorry but I can’t come?

Yeah, you just don't go. It sucks but if she expects people to respect her no kids decision she has to accept that some parents will be unable to attend.

What am i supposed to say? Sorry cant come because i have a baby? I mean she knows I do!

Yes that’s exactly what you say

Yep. That's exactly what I'd say to be honest.

Sometimes they don’t include babes in arms in that. I think it’s ok to clarify that with her. Don’t push for her to include your baby, but at the same time it’s fine to say “thanks but I won’t now be able to attend” if she can’t be included.

You just can't go. If she's saying that you can't bring a child, she must know that means that people can't attend but has decided that she's OK with that. So it'll hardly be startling news.

Can you bring someone with you to mind the baby on the wedding day? Haven’t been in this situation myself but any friends who were brought a sibling/friend/grandparent who minded the child.

You don't go. It's as simple as that. I don't see why you're so concerned, honestly. Your friend knows you have a baby so she can't be that bothered if you don't go. Your child comes first, end of discussion.

Hi xxx

Thanks for the invite to your wedding. As you know I have a baby that I can’t leave to I must regretfully decline. I hope it all goes well

The cynic in me says she invited you knowing you would decline, but this way it looks like she is still a good friend

Yes, that's precisely what you say, then wish them every happiness

Just don’t go - no one can expect others to spend so much on their wedding or to leave their children behind.!

We were in the same position when our first was born. He was about 8 weeks old when the wedding took place and again the invite said no kids. We responded to say we couldn't make it and and they asked whether or not my DW (not birth parent) could attend alone.

We politely laughed and declined as the wedding was in NZ.

Thank you for the invitation, we will be with you in thought but it is with regret we have to decline for obvious reasons.

If she's a close friend it's really poor form no to pre-warn or discuss with you about the no kids thing. Does she expect you to travel across the world without your baby, or just for the wedding itself?

Maybe she's arranging childcare for the day, maybe no kids doesn't mean your baby. A lot of childless brides can be spectacularly naive about parents leaving babies (I was ), and she's not thought that this might prevent you from attending.

I would have a proper chat with her and explain your situation.

Firstly, you can find out more about the hotel / venue to ascertain if there are baby sitting or kids club facilities. Your friend’s wedding is no children - so that is ceremony and reception. Is the entire resort no children? Can you take your DC but make use it child care for the wedding and reception? If not, don’t go Presuming the wedding is some months away and your DC will not be exclusively breast fed so can be left for a few hours at a time.

You simply decline because of the baby and wish her a wonderful wedding.

Say 'sorry can't come, no childcare. Have a wonderful day.' If she already knows about your baby and has any sense, she'll be expecting the decline of invitation.

Yes.

@SunnySideUp2020 as pps have said, message her and say 'sorry, I'd love to come, but as I have a small baby, it will be impossible. Have a lovely time anyway.

If she gets arsey, the she's not much a friend anyway is she?

FWIW, I fucking HATE 'destination weddings,' and I hate them even more when the couple (usually the woman moreso) gets pissy when people start saying they can't come...

Well you can’t go. This surely won’t be a surprise to her.

If you had a baby "early last year" that makes the baby 1 now....when is the wedding? If it's the summer then feasibly they could be 18 months old? What about the dad? He can't have the child for a few days?

FWIW, I fucking HATE 'destination weddings,' and I hate them even more when the couple (usually the woman moreso) gets pissy when people start saying they can't come...

Especially when they start making rules that make it impossible for people to attend.

FWIW, I fucking HATE 'destination weddings,' and I hate them even more when the couple (usually the woman moreso) gets pissy when people start saying they can't come...

Yes, this.

@Welshmaenad

Yeah, you just don't go. It sucks but if she expects people to respect her no kids decision she has to accept that some parents will be unable to attend.

Exactly this. If having your friends and family at your wedding is your priority, don't have your wedding on the other side of the world.

@Liathroid

Can you bring someone with you to mind the baby on the wedding day? Haven’t been in this situation myself but any friends who were brought a sibling/friend/grandparent who minded the child.

And who pays for this other person to go abroad with the OP and her DH? And who will be prepared to just be an unpaid babysitter whilst on holiday abroad?

That's a daft suggestion.

Another good option from @bonetiredwithtwins can you all go in the trip but DH doesn’t attend the wedding day and instead minds the baby? You were obviously planning to all go to the wedding if baby was invited so still all go but attend the day itself yourself.