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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friends wedding overseas , no kids... what am i supposed to do

453 replies

SunnySideUp2020 · 11/01/2022 15:18

A good friend is having her wedding on the other side of the world.
We had been talking about how exciting it will be to reunite for the special occasion since she got engaged in the summer.

I just received the invite. It says no kids...
and I had a baby early last year. She will be too young to stay with anyone especially in a foreign country.

What am i supposed to say? Sorry cant come because i have a baby? I mean she knows I do!!!

OP posts:
Russelhobskettle · 11/01/2022 16:22

No kids and it will cost a fortune. Why can't you just reply - thanks very much for the invite. Unfortunately we won't be able to attend. Job done.

Hellolittlestar · 11/01/2022 16:23

I would politely decline. The stress trying to sort someone to look after your baby is not worth it. And you probably won’t enjoy being away from your little one either.

Pedalpushers · 11/01/2022 16:23

To be fair it isn't THAT obvious that OP would absolutely need to decline. When I got married everyone was allowed to bring their children/babies and not a single person did, about 10 or so couples all chose to come and leave the baby/toddler with someone else. Obviously different to travelling across the world, but plenty of parents do attend weddings without their young children.

ineedsun · 11/01/2022 16:24

[quote Liathroid]@PurpleRainlnTheSky this is a really common thing to do for a destination wedding where I am from/ in my social circle. Usually the person going to mind pays around half as they’re also getting a holiday and parents pay the other half. Most grandparents in particular enjoy a holiday away and a day minding their grandchild. It’s always worked really well.[/quote]
You move in very different social circles to me 😂😂🤑🤑

AlDanvers · 11/01/2022 16:27

If you really can't make it work then you decline. But it's unclear if the wedding is childfree or the whole resort. If its a whole resort, then there's not much that can be done.

hangrylady · 11/01/2022 16:28

There is one thing getting married abroad and expected everyone to stump up a small fortune to attend, but quite another to expect people to leave their children behind. I wouldn't be going and if she's pissed off it's her problem.

hangrylady · 11/01/2022 16:30

@Pedalpushers

To be fair it isn't THAT obvious that OP would absolutely need to decline. When I got married everyone was allowed to bring their children/babies and not a single person did, about 10 or so couples all chose to come and leave the baby/toddler with someone else. Obviously different to travelling across the world, but plenty of parents do attend weddings without their young children.
The major factor being that your wedding was not abroad. It's not comparable.
Lockdownmummy · 11/01/2022 16:32

Is it somewhere you would be keen to spend some time jn? Can you turn it into a holiday with someone (DP/DH??) who would have the baby on the day of the wedding and you make the most of it?

If not, it's a polite decline. We are having to decline at least one wedding this year and it's in the UK due to no kids. But I had a no kid wedding so have no problem with it (the invite and the decline!)

LaChanticleer · 11/01/2022 16:33

Sorry cant come because i have a baby? I mean she knows I do!!!

Grown ups ca make decisions; but they have to live with the consequences. Just let her know, politely & kindly, that you won't be able to attend. And hope she's a grown up!

Chely · 11/01/2022 16:36

I'd politely decline the invitation.

We received a no kids wedding invite once. It was more not everybody's kids than no kids as they had kids there in the wedding pics. I think sometimes people say it just to keep the numbers and the costs down.

ChiefStockingStuffer · 11/01/2022 16:36

You won't have a baby; you'll have a toddler roughly 18 months old?

Old enough to leave with her father for a few days, surely.

SunshineCake1 · 11/01/2022 16:37

My dh and I were invited to a wedding , maybe just the evening do actually, I said we can't come as we have the baby. She said bring him.

Would have been helpful if she'd included him on the invitation

viques · 11/01/2022 16:39

So sorry we won’t be able to join you on your special day, all our love Sunnysideup, Sunnysideup OP, SunnysideupBaby. xxx

viques · 11/01/2022 16:40

I meant Sunnysideup DP not OP!!!!

Blossomtoes · 11/01/2022 16:43

And who will be prepared to just be an unpaid babysitter whilst on holiday abroad?

I would. Most grandparents actually.

Anotherviewtoyou · 11/01/2022 16:43

I really don’t see this as a flat we can’t attend like other posters do. @SunnySideUp2020 said she was chatting with friend about how great the wedding will be etc. so obviously she and her baby and presumably her partner were all planning to travel over for the wedding. As it’s on the other side of the world it also seems clear they were planing to go for a while (that is, not just for the day of the wedding).

Why not just stick to that plan and on the day of the wedding the op partner stays in the hotel and minds the baby. op goes and has a great time catching up with her friends.

What’s the problem?

LostMyLastHatfulOfWords · 11/01/2022 16:45

'We had been talking about how exciting it will be to reunite for the special occasion since she got engaged in the summer.'

If you are talking - perhaps talk to her about your baby and the problem with the invite?

MimiDaisy11 · 11/01/2022 16:47

Some people especially if they don’t have kids don’t think of the practicalities.

AndItDoesntSeemToMatter · 11/01/2022 16:47

If anyone I knew expected me to fork out to travel to the OTHER SIDE OF THE WORLD for a fucking party they'd be getting ghosted!

londonrach · 11/01/2022 16:47

You simply decline the invitation and arrange to meet up in the UK for a meal instead. No Biggie. I suspect she knew you decline

CaMePlaitPas · 11/01/2022 16:47

She doesn't want you there OP, but she can cover her tracks by saying well at least I invited her. I find that rude and passive aggressive tbh.

2DogsOnMySofa · 11/01/2022 16:47

Well yes, that's exactly what you say. Destination weddings and no kids at weddings means people will cancel

thebigpurpleone · 11/01/2022 16:48

Just decline it, why the angst?

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 11/01/2022 16:49

The world is not going to stop turning because someone politely declined a wedding invitation.

I'll never understand why so much time, headspace and angst is expended on this. Weddings are only really important to the couple getting married. As far as the rest of the world is concerned, life goes on as normal.

PlainOldMe80 · 11/01/2022 16:49

I'm sort of in the same situation (though my kids are a lot older!), wedding abroad, first all invited, received a save the date for them to change their mind and they don't want children at their wedding apart from Immediate family. Fair enough but finalise the guestlist before inviting anyone at all. I'm no tempted not to go just to save me the "hassle"....