I’ve accidentally made myself UR to my 6yo, WWYD?

[DentistOrNoDentist]

6yo does an activity on Tuesday nights, she absolutely loves the activity, gets excited while eating her breakfast, talks about it all day at school, and would happily skip school to go (she doesn’t really like school).

She’s due a checkup at the dentist, she’s been due one for over a year but covid meant she wasn’t invited for one until a few weeks ago.

Called the dentist and the only appointment they had for 3 months was tonight and they couldn’t guarantee the one in 3 months wouldn’t be a Tuesday so I took it.

Explained to 6yo that she’d miss her activity tonight due to the dentist appointment and she cried, proper sobbing heartbroken tears. Then didn’t mention it again.

This morning she gets up excited about her activity, reminded her about her dentist appointment and she broke down crying again, pleading with me to let her go to her activity. I explained that the dentist only had this appointment or we’d have to wait 3 months and she begged me to cancel it and rebook for 3 months (who knows if it might be longer now though it’s the only NHS dentist for 10 miles).

She needs her checkup, she’s started loosing her teeth since her last one and sometimes complains of pain in wobbly teeth – I’m not concerned as such but do want it looked at (my mum claims both me and my brother got occasional pain in wobbly teeth hence why I’m not overly worried but still want it checking).

She does another activity at the weekends that she does enjoy but the Tuesday activity stopped over Christmas and New Year and due to covid isolation that clashed with the last session of 2021 she hasn’t been for 4 weeks so I get her heartbreak over it for her. But she needs the dentist appointment, and I’ve always said hobbies and activities should never be at the expense of education or health.

She’s gone crying into school, begging me one last time to please try and change the appointment.

So WWYD? Ring and change in the hope I get something sooner than 3 months away or take her tonight and deal with potential fall out?

For added context: I’m a single parent, just me her and our pets at home. ExH doesn’t see her as often as the court order stipulates and has messed her around over Christmas (saw her Christmas Day but not since even though he was supposed to see her twice since then) and she struggles with that so I do think that’s feeding into her worries.

Vote:
YANBU - Go to the Dentist
YABU - Cancel and take DD to her activity

Go to the dentist. Health appointments are a non negotiable.

Maybe give them a call and see if they have any cancellations?

But if it’s all they have she’ll have to go to the dentist

Dentist. She’ll get over it

If it is a club that has other sessions like gymnastics or swimming could you ask if they can fit her in on another session this week?

She is having a tough time, but as an adult you know that the activity will still happen next week and that missing one session will be bearable.

Tough for you to see her upset, but in the circumstances more important to get the dentist appointment over and done with.

Dentist but acknowledge the upset, explain health has to take priority over fun, but its rubbish. Maybe go out for special treat/dinner after the dentist.
Health trumps clubs.

@ShesComeUndone

If it is a club that has other sessions like gymnastics or swimming could you ask if they can fit her in on another session this week?

@ShesComeUndone thats a good idea thank you will see if just as a one off, although that might not appeal to her as she does love going with the children who do her activity with her.

Dentist definitely. Is there any way she could whizz along afterwards, a bit later, to the activity?

It’s part of being a parent, you have to make the tough decisions. I can guarantee that it won’t be the last time in her childhood that she’ll be upset with you, we all have the mum guilt.

@Chunkymenrock

Dentist definitely. Is there any way she could whizz along afterwards, a bit later, to the activity?

@Chunkymenrock possibly the last 10 minutes of the activity if dentist runs to time.

@Blueberryflavour

It’s part of being a parent, you have to make the tough decisions. I can guarantee that it won’t be the last time in her childhood that she’ll be upset with you, we all have the mum guilt.

@Blueberryflavour I know and usually I wouldn't feel guilty but I know she's struggling a bit recently and just want to make it ok for her, and I know how much she loves the activity.

For a checkup id postpone. She already has a commitment at that time and its important to her.
If it was for treatment rather than a check up that would be different.

Dentist today and a treat (activity not sweets 😂) later in the week if she can be a big girl about it.

Dentist. Health comes first and you won't forgive yourself if she has problems over the next 3 months that can't be looked at. The asking and crying 3 times is trying her luck as she reacted the first time so she wouldn't have forgotten. It's a good lesson to learn that sometimes you have to prioritise the less fun thing for the greater good. And it's only 1 week. She will be back there before she knows it

Without sounding harsh ask yourself what message you are sending you daughter if you bend to her wishes. Dental appointments are pretty important and teeth which are looked after will stay in good condition for a long long time.

Oh I'm in the activity camp. I'd reschedule the dentist. Wobbly teeth do sometimes hurt and it's likely she'll be in and out in 5 mins. She has a prior commitment and that's important for her as well. Can you ask to be put on the dentist cancellation list if there is such a thing?

Dentist, otherwise she will think she can get away with this behaviour again

Children need to have disappointments in life. We can't let our children go through life constantly trying to make sure they don't get upset by things. My daughter had something cancelled during the start of covid that was years in the planning. It has been cancelled three times now. She handled it really well because I never wrapped her up in cotton wool. My family and friends couldn't believe how well she handled it. Don't get me wrong she was bitterly disappointed but how she handled it also made things easier for us also.

I saw other kids have melt downs during this time due to cancelled weekends away etc. I am not saying that it is not ok to be upset but it is all about how badly they handle the upset. This is the start of perhaps sitting down with her and explaining in a 6 year old way about stuff like this.

Dentist.

But I would offer her a huge, huge treat to make up for it. Something she'd normally get really excited about (trampolining, cinema etc.).

Hmm I'd actually be tempted to reschedule the dentist too otherwise she's going to associate going with missing out on something she loves and you don't want to be setting up negative associations with a dentist at such a young age.

Dentist, no doubt.

(But I don't think she is manipulating you or being a brat or badly behaved by crying. She's disappointed because she loves this activity and she has no control over her timetable and it's tough for a 6 year old to rationalise that. She's trying to negotiate a compromise - rebook for a time that doesn't clash - in a 6 year old way.)

First off just give the Dentist a quick call to see if there are any cancellations come up over this week (happens a lot over Covid). If there is book it in.

Then check the activity

And take it from there

@kindlyensure

(But I don't think she is manipulating you or being a brat or badly behaved by crying. She's disappointed because she loves this activity and she has no control over her timetable and it's tough for a 6 year old to rationalise that. She's trying to negotiate a compromise - rebook for a time that doesn't clash - in a 6 year old way.)

@kindlyensure I agree, she's not usually one to stomp about and demand her own way. I usually shut her down straight away if she for example demands sweets when shopping especially if we have them at home I don't buy more just because she asks

As an adult regular check ups are important.

For children though, unless there's an actual problem, I've never known a check up be anything other than a 2 minute look at the teeth and a quick polish with fluoride. Perhaps my children are lucky to have strong teeth though and other check ups for children involve a bit more? A bit of soreness when teeth are wobbly or coming through is completely normal.

I'm probably a soft touch parent but I'd be looking for an appointment that allowed the activity and a check up, even if it meant waiting a bit longer.

Having said that, as you've already made the appointment, it's probably not worth rearranging it. Take her for a treat afterwards and look forward to the activity next week.