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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I’ve accidentally made myself UR to my 6yo, WWYD?

236 replies

DentistOrNoDentist · 11/01/2022 09:35

6yo does an activity on Tuesday nights, she absolutely loves the activity, gets excited while eating her breakfast, talks about it all day at school, and would happily skip school to go (she doesn’t really like school).

She’s due a checkup at the dentist, she’s been due one for over a year but covid meant she wasn’t invited for one until a few weeks ago.

Called the dentist and the only appointment they had for 3 months was tonight and they couldn’t guarantee the one in 3 months wouldn’t be a Tuesday so I took it.

Explained to 6yo that she’d miss her activity tonight due to the dentist appointment and she cried, proper sobbing heartbroken tears. Then didn’t mention it again.

This morning she gets up excited about her activity, reminded her about her dentist appointment and she broke down crying again, pleading with me to let her go to her activity. I explained that the dentist only had this appointment or we’d have to wait 3 months and she begged me to cancel it and rebook for 3 months (who knows if it might be longer now though it’s the only NHS dentist for 10 miles).

She needs her checkup, she’s started loosing her teeth since her last one and sometimes complains of pain in wobbly teeth – I’m not concerned as such but do want it looked at (my mum claims both me and my brother got occasional pain in wobbly teeth hence why I’m not overly worried but still want it checking).

She does another activity at the weekends that she does enjoy but the Tuesday activity stopped over Christmas and New Year and due to covid isolation that clashed with the last session of 2021 she hasn’t been for 4 weeks so I get her heartbreak over it for her. But she needs the dentist appointment, and I’ve always said hobbies and activities should never be at the expense of education or health.

She’s gone crying into school, begging me one last time to please try and change the appointment.

So WWYD? Ring and change in the hope I get something sooner than 3 months away or take her tonight and deal with potential fall out?

For added context: I’m a single parent, just me her and our pets at home. ExH doesn’t see her as often as the court order stipulates and has messed her around over Christmas (saw her Christmas Day but not since even though he was supposed to see her twice since then) and she struggles with that so I do think that’s feeding into her worries.

Vote:
YANBU - Go to the Dentist
YABU - Cancel and take DD to her activity

OP posts:
Original poster
DentistOrNoDentist · 11/01/2022 17:31

She missed 10 minutes of her class but was so pleased to go, she voluntarily did her homework before dentist which is a first, maybe I'll plan appointments more often Grin

Just waiting for the class to finish.

OP posts:
DixonD · 11/01/2022 17:34

@Chloemol

Dentist, otherwise she will think she can get away with this behaviour again
Crikey, she’s allowed to be upset over something she looks forward to. She’s only 6!!
Russell19 · 11/01/2022 17:44

Awwwww bless her! Seems I'm in the minority but I would have voted activity and thought I was strict 🤣

NotMyselfWithoutCoffee · 11/01/2022 17:50

Ah shame she missed 10 minutes, hope she enjoys it while she's there anyway.

BoredZelda · 11/01/2022 19:01

If an adult was booking a dentist appointment, they would have their diary infront of them and not book during a pre arranged activity/appointment.

But if they need an appointment and the next one is 3 months away, they may well cancel the pre arranged activity if it isn’t particularly important.

ilssagain · 11/01/2022 19:28

If an adult was booking a dentist appointment, they would have their diary infront of them and not book during a pre arranged activity/appointment

Depending on the circumstances they might have to. My dentist only works Mondays so I have to miss a weekly activity a couple of times a year. And no, I don't want to change dentist because I like her.

You have to take a dentist appointment when you can get one. You try not to clash it with another activity but sometimes there is no option whatsoever.

nocoolnamesleft · 11/01/2022 19:29

How lovely of the receptionist. Please leave them some positive feedback!

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 12/01/2022 04:09

That's brilliant - glad it all worked out for you and her, and that the receptionist was so kind.

Good work all round - and your DD still got the understanding that dentist appointments shouldn't be cancelled on a whim because they clash with something more fun.

FancySomeChips · 12/01/2022 17:40

Go to the activity, reschedule the appointment. It’s just a check up, wobbly teeth do hurt.
If it’s something she loves and is having a tough time it’s a no brainier for me, I wouldn’t have taken the appointment in the first place though. Plus I see it as a commitment she’s made- the activity- that she is committed to attending.

Forsure69 · 12/01/2022 17:51

Your child is process bad news... this is normal. You can't manage her emotions every time she feels disappointed.

Mirw · 12/01/2022 17:51

Dentist. Children need to know the boundaries. If you give in to this, you are sending the wrong message and it will continue from there because you never want to be seen to "hurt" your child. Going to the dentist is important, more important than missing one evening of activity. You need to do the right thing.

Hertsgirl10 · 12/01/2022 18:49

I know this is sorted now but I can’t believe how many people said to cancel the dentist when the child hasn’t been for over a year, cos she cried … then forgot about it then cried again.
The dentist would have been a priority and crying to get your own way, never was a way get it in my house.
It’s nice that this ended with no tears but why are parents so scared to not let their children get their own way all the time.

exaltedwombat · 12/01/2022 19:00

Prime the dentist to tell her that although her teeth are fine, it's lucky she came because... well, something!

CallmeBadJanet · 12/01/2022 19:00

@DentistOrNoDentist Take her to the Dentist. BTW It's tough being a single parent and being the one responsible for dealing with this kind of shit. You're doing a brilliant job, you're a brilliant mum, don't sweat it, she'll survive missing the activity. I promise you ten years from now she won't remember a thing about it 💐

childcarequery · 12/01/2022 19:14

I feel you, that’s a tight situation!

Dr Laura from Aha parenting says we as parents need to do what needs to be done HOWEVER speak to them and acknowledge and empathise with their pain and show compassion.

She says this way kids learn resilience. They learn that sometimes things will have to be missed and also it will not have any negative affects on them

She also says that if there is reasonable scope to give in to their desires such as your situation now ( not an urgent appointment and chance to get it rescheduled) it is okay to do that as well.

Main point is they should feel that you are on their side and doing what’s best for them

Original poster
DentistOrNoDentist · 12/01/2022 19:21

She was absolutely fine but I've told her that we were very lucky to be able to manage both and made her thank the receptionist when we went in.

I've also told her that next time I will try to avoid the class day and time but if I can't then dentist takes priority. She has thanked me as well and said she just really loves her class.

I honestly don't think it was a manipulative move or the crying was to get her own way, I just think she'd been looking forward to her class for ages and had been disappointed by her dad so she understandably got a bit cross.

For context her teachers describe her as lovely and polite, and she always celebrates when her friends get star of the week or a headteachers award, doesn't strop about it at all or ask when she'll get it.

OP posts:
Theblacksheepandme · 12/01/2022 19:34

She sounds like a lovely little girl. I think based on the information you gave that she was just upset. You sound like you are doing a great job as a parent. Make the most of it as they grow up too fast. I blinked and suddenly my daughter is 14.

ChiefStockingStuffer · 12/01/2022 19:39

Dentist ... especially if there's any chance she hasn't been in in 2 years (due to covid) or a delay will push her past the 2 year point where you get dumped off of NHS registers.

Our dentist has been following said guidelines and many people have lost their NHS slot there because they didn't realise they needed to get in there!

ChipmunksInAttic · 12/01/2022 20:03

sorry if I sound dumb - I’m a foreigner - but why there is a wait time of 3 months for a dental check up? private dentists don’t charge for children as far as I know, do you have to go to the nhs dentist?

I wouldn’t change it now once you’ve booked and I’m sure she’ll be over it quickly. But I wouldn’t have booked that slot to begin with to be honest.

User48751490 · 12/01/2022 20:07

Dentist.

LovelyIssues · 12/01/2022 20:11

Dentist. She'll get over it. It'll be forgotten tomorrow lol

whatusernameiseffingavailable · 12/01/2022 20:11

Explain why the trip to the dentist is so important and give a reward for going. She will get over it.

mugoftea456 · 12/01/2022 21:05

Taking into consideration she is a little fragile right now. I would let her do the activity and ask to be put on the waiting list for the checkup.

linsey2581 · 12/01/2022 21:14

You are the parent she is the child. You tell her she will do as she’s told. Dentist all the way, she’s bloody lucky to get an appointment.

itsjustnotok · 12/01/2022 21:17

I’d go with the dentist. As hard as it is I was amazed at my youngest DD‘a changes. My eldest is always in and out no issues, the youngest though is currently being reviewed every few months. Your DD will get over her activity, she may not enjoy dental treatment.

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