I’ve accidentally made myself UR to my 6yo, WWYD?

[DentistOrNoDentist]

6yo does an activity on Tuesday nights, she absolutely loves the activity, gets excited while eating her breakfast, talks about it all day at school, and would happily skip school to go (she doesn’t really like school).

She’s due a checkup at the dentist, she’s been due one for over a year but covid meant she wasn’t invited for one until a few weeks ago.

Called the dentist and the only appointment they had for 3 months was tonight and they couldn’t guarantee the one in 3 months wouldn’t be a Tuesday so I took it.

Explained to 6yo that she’d miss her activity tonight due to the dentist appointment and she cried, proper sobbing heartbroken tears. Then didn’t mention it again.

This morning she gets up excited about her activity, reminded her about her dentist appointment and she broke down crying again, pleading with me to let her go to her activity. I explained that the dentist only had this appointment or we’d have to wait 3 months and she begged me to cancel it and rebook for 3 months (who knows if it might be longer now though it’s the only NHS dentist for 10 miles).

She needs her checkup, she’s started loosing her teeth since her last one and sometimes complains of pain in wobbly teeth – I’m not concerned as such but do want it looked at (my mum claims both me and my brother got occasional pain in wobbly teeth hence why I’m not overly worried but still want it checking).

She does another activity at the weekends that she does enjoy but the Tuesday activity stopped over Christmas and New Year and due to covid isolation that clashed with the last session of 2021 she hasn’t been for 4 weeks so I get her heartbreak over it for her. But she needs the dentist appointment, and I’ve always said hobbies and activities should never be at the expense of education or health.

She’s gone crying into school, begging me one last time to please try and change the appointment.

So WWYD? Ring and change in the hope I get something sooner than 3 months away or take her tonight and deal with potential fall out?

For added context: I’m a single parent, just me her and our pets at home. ExH doesn’t see her as often as the court order stipulates and has messed her around over Christmas (saw her Christmas Day but not since even though he was supposed to see her twice since then) and she struggles with that so I do think that’s feeding into her worries.

Vote:
YANBU - Go to the Dentist
YABU - Cancel and take DD to her activity

I said YABU but that’s because I would (as you are doing!) seeing if I could pick up a cancellation. Totally understandable to prioritise dentist but also given it’s something your DD is so passionate about I would be doing my best to change it.

Dentist. But then do something lovely and relationship building together afterwards such as tea party at home /board games evening /sofa den /lego challenge - anything she'd especially enjoy and where you give undivided attention for a bit. She'll love having you as much as she loves the activity.

I'm sorry I disagree with most and i'd let her go to the activity.

Unless its an emergency dentist appointment where there's an issue, a check up can wait. If the next appointment happens to be on the same day as the activity then she agrees to miss the activity but if this week is the first session back, she's missed her friends and you don't want her to miss out.

Sounds like she's having a bit of a tough time regarding her dad and this activity makes her really happy.

Just let her go

@WakeUpLockie

All the replies are saying dentist but voting is hugely towards club weird. Definitely dentist op! See if she can do her club another day this week.

Not by my reckoning. The OP said:

YANBU - Go to the Dentist
YABU - Cancel and take DD to her activity

Currently for me the vote stands at 79% YANBU (Dentist) and 21% YABU (Activity)

I think I'd take her to the club, but only
If I had no dentistry concerns and teeth were properly brushed regularly. She sounds quite devastated about it.

@kindlyensure

(But I don't think she is manipulating you or being a brat or badly behaved by crying. She's disappointed because she loves this activity and she has no control over her timetable and it's tough for a 6 year old to rationalise that. She's trying to negotiate a compromise - rebook for a time that doesn't clash - in a 6 year old way.)

Second this!

Normal times - dentist
Pandemic- activity. Kids have missed out on so much disruption I would definitely keep with the activity. She will remember this for a long time to come if you cancel the dentist and let her go to her activity
Just get her to brush her teeth extra well until next app comes up

On hold to the dentist surgery, I'm not going to cancel just discuss it with the receptionist and see what they say. They might say they can bring the appointment forward or something, you never know.

You're such a lovely mum!

What happened?

I think you should keep the dentist appointment if it's the only one they've got. But don't forget you can take kids out of school for dental appointments so I'd probably make school-hours appointments (as she's only 6) in future, if they only other option is to miss her club.

@DentistOrNoDentist

Can I ask would those of you saying cancel risk it possibly being a Tuesday night in a few months time? This is my biggest concern I think, that I could cancel it and then find myself in the same situation a few months down the line.

Will call the dentist and see what they can do I think.

I would let the dentist know that it is not possible to attend on this specific day / time and so I would ask to book now for the next appointment available not at this time (even if that is four or five months away) and book it and then ask to be advised if there are any cancellations that are suitable. My dentist allows me to book the next available one even if it is six months away and they have a variety of appointments available usually.

I have found that if I explain nicely to the receptionist they are usually fantastic at finding solutions

She's had all the angst now, so you might as well keep the dentist appointment.
Also she needs to learn that our health has to be the No 1 priority—this will only increase as she gets older.

I think kids have negative associations with dentists and doctors anyway!

I’d also cancel the dentist. Pain in wobbly teeth is normal, right?

I think this is just one of those times you have to be a parent. Looking after your teeth is so important and at 6 it's a crucial time with regards to losing teeth and secondary teeth coming through.

YANBU. I'm in the 'go to the dentist' camp. She's 6, this is an activity she loves but she's not training for the Olympics and it will come around again in a week. She senses your wavering over this and is picking up on that and chancing her luck - no issue with that, its something most of us do.

But.....we are still in the pandemic and dental appointments are like hen's teeth at the moment (no pun intended!). It is very unfair to cancel at the last moment for no reason other than a 6 year old wants to do an activity. Going today gets it out of the way for a while. Explain to her the importance of her oral health and that is why she needs to go. If it makes you both feel better, a special dinner or a treat after the dentist is fine.

GemGEmGemster
Jesus Christ, how do you intend to prepare her for life’s myriad disappointments and adversities if you can’t even manage to take her to the fucking dentist without this drama?? Grow up!

Why be so nasty?

Do not cancel dentist. Although I think the timing is now past doing anything as the appointment is today. Just think how many people are waiting to see a dentist and an appointment gets wasted because of a child crying she can’t go to an activity for today to take care of her oral health. Really? I really hope it is not an nhs dentist. It’s people who do this type of thing that creates a big problem. How selfish

Receptionist couldn't do anything about the appointment sadly apparently to be covid safe they can only have so many people in the building at one time so dentist it is, she's going to try and let the dentist know though so they can hopefully make it a quick check up and make the last part of the activity.

Dentist. It’s fair enough for her to feel disappointed but that’s life sometimes, we have to put off the things we want to do for those we have to do. Do something nice with her afterwards or later in the week to thank her for being a big girl about it.

She's 6 and will lose all the teeth she has.
At that age dentist visits are about checking for crowding (about which they won't do anything) and encouraging child to brush teeth. 5 minutes.

Going to the dentist at that age is more about good habits - but covid has lost everyone that battle.

Activities are about non-schoolwork and friends outside school - covid has trashed those too and at 6 they are very important.

If she's good at brushing teeth, perhaps get some disclosure tablets but cancel the dentist. Say you've decided friends are more important than baby teeth because she looks after them

@DentistOrNoDentist

How did you get on when you rang?

I'd definitely have tried to rearrange the appointment, but not cancelled.

Yes these things need doing, but if a better time can be arranged, why not??

If it couldn't be reasonably rearranged then I'd just take her to the activity afterwards (as long as it wouldn't be too disruptive to the rest of the group) & be saying that it's done now, so that's out of the way for a long time.

🤞🏼You were able to rearrange

Activity ( rebook dentist)

I’d take her to the activity and get an nhs dental appointment at the weekend. I’m a soft touch though.

Good grief
You think you have been UR?
Seriously Im baffled by this.
You are the parent and need to model sensible choices to your DC.
Its normal to be disappointed ,its part of life and growing up .
Allowing your child to feel these things is really important and to help them handle disappointments later on in life.

It's a shame for your DD but she does need to keep the appointment.
I hope the dentist does it fast for her, and she does get to go to the end of her activity - but I wouldn't even tell her that's an option until it looks like it's going to happen, or you run the risk of her having more disappointment.

It is a lesson for her - sometimes we have to do stuff we have to do, even if it means missing out on stuff we want to do. It won't hurt her in the long run.

Change the appointment and get the school secretary to give your daughter a message. It will make her day. Life is tough enough at the moment