I’ve accidentally made myself UR to my 6yo, WWYD?

[DentistOrNoDentist]

6yo does an activity on Tuesday nights, she absolutely loves the activity, gets excited while eating her breakfast, talks about it all day at school, and would happily skip school to go (she doesn’t really like school).

She’s due a checkup at the dentist, she’s been due one for over a year but covid meant she wasn’t invited for one until a few weeks ago.

Called the dentist and the only appointment they had for 3 months was tonight and they couldn’t guarantee the one in 3 months wouldn’t be a Tuesday so I took it.

Explained to 6yo that she’d miss her activity tonight due to the dentist appointment and she cried, proper sobbing heartbroken tears. Then didn’t mention it again.

This morning she gets up excited about her activity, reminded her about her dentist appointment and she broke down crying again, pleading with me to let her go to her activity. I explained that the dentist only had this appointment or we’d have to wait 3 months and she begged me to cancel it and rebook for 3 months (who knows if it might be longer now though it’s the only NHS dentist for 10 miles).

She needs her checkup, she’s started loosing her teeth since her last one and sometimes complains of pain in wobbly teeth – I’m not concerned as such but do want it looked at (my mum claims both me and my brother got occasional pain in wobbly teeth hence why I’m not overly worried but still want it checking).

She does another activity at the weekends that she does enjoy but the Tuesday activity stopped over Christmas and New Year and due to covid isolation that clashed with the last session of 2021 she hasn’t been for 4 weeks so I get her heartbreak over it for her. But she needs the dentist appointment, and I’ve always said hobbies and activities should never be at the expense of education or health.

She’s gone crying into school, begging me one last time to please try and change the appointment.

So WWYD? Ring and change in the hope I get something sooner than 3 months away or take her tonight and deal with potential fall out?

For added context: I’m a single parent, just me her and our pets at home. ExH doesn’t see her as often as the court order stipulates and has messed her around over Christmas (saw her Christmas Day but not since even though he was supposed to see her twice since then) and she struggles with that so I do think that’s feeding into her worries.

Vote:
YANBU - Go to the Dentist
YABU - Cancel and take DD to her activity

Wobbly teeth can hurt - simple.
I’d rearrange dentist. I don’t see it as dd getting her own way, I see it as dd is a child, young, let her enjoy herself, 3 months will make no difference in her teeth. People are too het up on not backing down to kids - there are times for give and take - as there always is in life.

@Chloemol

Dentist, otherwise she will think she can get away with this behaviour again

What behaviour? Being distressed isnt being naughty? Christ some of you are harsh. Going to the dentist is not a chore.

Activity for me. I wouldn't have booked an appointment that clashed with a previously-arranged activity in the first place. That sends out the wrong message to me.

Assuming this is a one off, and theres not a pattern of 'she kicks off, you give in' then I'd vote activity.

Can I ask would those of you saying cancel risk it possibly being a Tuesday night in a few months time? This is my biggest concern I think, that I could cancel it and then find myself in the same situation a few months down the line.

Will call the dentist and see what they can do I think.

@ReeseWitherfork

Assuming this is a one off, and theres not a pattern of 'she kicks off, you give in' then I'd vote activity.

@ReeseWitherfork Not a pattern, she;s not one to stamp about to get her own way and I'm not afraid to say no to her. She doesn't get something just because she asks, and if she stomps about it then it's definitely a no.

She might not like the activity in a few months, maybe cross that bridge when you come to it? I should think if you're happy to book for a few months time than they'll have a selection of appointments?

In response to your last post... The definitely cancel dentist. Sounds like you've got some healthy boundaries generally, so it's not like you're setting the wrong message with this one particular conflict.

I'd just take her, mainly thinking of the dentist, they're very busy at the moment and I think it would be unreasonable to cancel at the last minute because your daughter doesn't want to go.

She hasn't been to the dentist for over a year! You cannot reschedule for three months' time, that would be irresponsible.

Do something lovely after the appointment, a film, a picnic tea on the floor, whatever she'd enjoy.

Dentist. She needs to learn that sometimes things are not perfect and she can weather them. Take her out for a nice treat afterwards. Its not our job to remove the difficulties of life from our children, but to help to steer them through.

@Georgeskitchen

Without sounding harsh ask yourself what message you are sending you daughter if you bend to her wishes. Dental appointments are pretty important and teeth which are looked after will stay in good condition for a long long time.

I agree. She's six! I can't imagine my parents capitulating to me if I'd been like this when I was six. She'll forget all about it.

You can't give in now but I wouldn't have booked the check up. She already had a commitment at that time and for just a check up there is no urgency.

You shouldn't have accepted the appointment imo, commitment to an activity is important as well. However wouldn't cancel now as within 24 hours usually gets a strike.

It's surely too late notice to cancel the dentist now, they will struggle to fill the appointment.

@Georgeskitchen

Without sounding harsh ask yourself what message you are sending you daughter if you bend to her wishes. Dental appointments are pretty important and teeth which are looked after will stay in good condition for a long long time.

You see I wonder what message is being sent when your child is enrolled for a class/activity, which she is committed to, and then you stop her from going to that for a one off appointment which doesn't have to be at the exact time of that activity, and is not an emergency.

@DentistOrNoDentist

Can I ask would those of you saying cancel risk it possibly being a Tuesday night in a few months time? This is my biggest concern I think, that I could cancel it and then find myself in the same situation a few months down the line.

Will call the dentist and see what they can do I think.

My dentist only does NHS patients on a Wednesday and Friday am, so it could very well be Tuesday is the day you get your next appointment

@Branleuse

For a checkup id postpone. She already has a commitment at that time and its important to her. If it was for treatment rather than a check up that would be different.

This ..it is only a check up rebook another appointment

It depends on what message you want to send her. She is at an impressionable age and if she gets the idea that tears and hysterics are the route to getting her own way, you can expect a lot more of them over the next decade and a bit.

Gonto the activity. It doesn't sound like an urgent appointment

Go to*

You (and other posters) need to stop trying to second guess the dentist. Unless you are all actually dentists and have looked at this child's mouth?

The point of visiting is to let a professional look at the patient, spot anything that needs attention and anything that might need attention in future.

Another part of what dentists (and opticians and all HCPs) do, is notice things that might be connected to other medical problems e.g. I've been referred to a hospital consultant by a dentist before, for something that was nothing to do with teeth and could have been early signs of a serious illness. People I know have had the same from opticians.

Stop imagining you know better than a dentist, how often your child needs to be examined. By all means discuss that with them but do take their advice.

Don’t be ridiculous, you are the parent. Dentist was correct decision. She probably knows you might cave and I think you should be more worried about that.

Of course you can change you mind or take into a child’s account. Not about missing 1 episode of an activity and going to dentist (essential).

@lottiegarbanzo

She hasn't been to the dentist for over a year! You cannot reschedule for three months' time, that would be irresponsible.

Do something lovely after the appointment, a film, a picnic tea on the floor, whatever she'd enjoy.

This. She's 6 and it's one activity, and you're clearly a very loving parent who gives her good things at other times. It isn't actually a kindness to skip out on healthcare, and it's isn't normal not to see a dentist for kids (as a pp said), there's a reason that British teeth are always a laughing stock on international TV shows, it's because so many of us are less responsible than you are.

Take her to to the dentist, and maybe then let her do something lovely and unexpected - but that doesn't involve anything sugary - from choosing a book, or a toy, or cooking a lovely dinner together. Mine love having an early tea then going out somewhere in pyjamas and a coat, once we did that and went to Tesco Extra in the dark with £10 to spend on a toy, and they still talk about it a year later

All the replies are saying dentist but voting is hugely towards club weird. Definitely dentist op! See if she can do her club another day this week.