I’ve accidentally made myself UR to my 6yo, WWYD?

[DentistOrNoDentist]

6yo does an activity on Tuesday nights, she absolutely loves the activity, gets excited while eating her breakfast, talks about it all day at school, and would happily skip school to go (she doesn’t really like school).

She’s due a checkup at the dentist, she’s been due one for over a year but covid meant she wasn’t invited for one until a few weeks ago.

Called the dentist and the only appointment they had for 3 months was tonight and they couldn’t guarantee the one in 3 months wouldn’t be a Tuesday so I took it.

Explained to 6yo that she’d miss her activity tonight due to the dentist appointment and she cried, proper sobbing heartbroken tears. Then didn’t mention it again.

This morning she gets up excited about her activity, reminded her about her dentist appointment and she broke down crying again, pleading with me to let her go to her activity. I explained that the dentist only had this appointment or we’d have to wait 3 months and she begged me to cancel it and rebook for 3 months (who knows if it might be longer now though it’s the only NHS dentist for 10 miles).

She needs her checkup, she’s started loosing her teeth since her last one and sometimes complains of pain in wobbly teeth – I’m not concerned as such but do want it looked at (my mum claims both me and my brother got occasional pain in wobbly teeth hence why I’m not overly worried but still want it checking).

She does another activity at the weekends that she does enjoy but the Tuesday activity stopped over Christmas and New Year and due to covid isolation that clashed with the last session of 2021 she hasn’t been for 4 weeks so I get her heartbreak over it for her. But she needs the dentist appointment, and I’ve always said hobbies and activities should never be at the expense of education or health.

She’s gone crying into school, begging me one last time to please try and change the appointment.

So WWYD? Ring and change in the hope I get something sooner than 3 months away or take her tonight and deal with potential fall out?

For added context: I’m a single parent, just me her and our pets at home. ExH doesn’t see her as often as the court order stipulates and has messed her around over Christmas (saw her Christmas Day but not since even though he was supposed to see her twice since then) and she struggles with that so I do think that’s feeding into her worries.

Vote:
YANBU - Go to the Dentist
YABU - Cancel and take DD to her activity

@FrankieStein403

She's 6 - supposed to have wobbly teeth and occasional pain for the next 6+ years. Are you going to cancel activity every time she mentions wobbly teeth? She'll soon stop telling you and real problems may hide.

It’s an overdue check up! Why do you think that we fund free dental care for children? I just don’t believe that any decent parent would cancel an overdue NHS appointment especially when their child had complained of pain. I know a 3 year old who had to have teeth removed under a general anaesthetic because of decay - I mean that’s unusual and extreme but it does happen.

Personally I wouldn't have cancelled the activity for a routine dental check up.

My daughter would be the same if I cancelled her after school or weekend activities.

Rightly or wrongly, I always book the dentist for during school time if it's on a day she has extra curricular activities.

@WheekestLink

Personally I wouldn't have cancelled the activity for a routine dental check up.

My daughter would be the same if I cancelled her after school or weekend activities.

Rightly or wrongly, I always book the dentist for during school time if it's on a day she has extra curricular activities.

School finishes before the dentist, why not just pick a day after school when there's no activity? You just need to be organised to book ahead of time.

The appointment is already a year overdue. If you put it off the next one in 3 months might be on a Tuesday too so what happens then? You can't keep putting it off.
It's really difficult to get dentist appointments at the moment - I'm in another country but I've got friends and family in the UK, some of whom haven't been since the pandemic started because they couldn't get an NHS appointment at all and all but non-emergency treatment was completely stopped for several months in 2020 in some areas.

It's important that children get into the habit of going regularly so it is seen as a routine thing and they don't develop fear and anxiety. It's not just about the 5 minute look in the mouth - it's about getting used to the entire situation in a non-threatening way. And it is important that children's teeth are checked regularly even if "they are all going to fall out anyway".

It's just tough luck that the only appointment available is on a Tuesday. My dentist only works on Mondays so I've had to miss out on an activity I am committed too twice in recent months. Someone said they were brought up to be committed to an activity and to always be there etcetc - but healthcare is more important than any activity and if you can't get an appointment that doesn't clash it's unfortunate but that's the way it is.

Take your daughter to the dentist OP. There is no alternative appointment but make it nice for her by organizing a treat of some description for after the appointment.

@JustUseTheDoorSanta she has activities after school every day and one day at the weekend. Her choice, not mine. I would rather have more money in the bank but it keeps her happy.

@Theblacksheepandme

Children need to have disappointments in life. We can't let our children go through life constantly trying to make sure they don't get upset by things. My daughter had something cancelled during the start of covid that was years in the planning. It has been cancelled three times now. She handled it really well because I never wrapped her up in cotton wool. My family and friends couldn't believe how well she handled it. Don't get me wrong she was bitterly disappointed but how she handled it also made things easier for us also.

I saw other kids have melt downs during this time due to cancelled weekends away etc. I am not saying that it is not ok to be upset but it is all about how badly they handle the upset. This is the start of perhaps sitting down with her and explaining in a 6 year old way about stuff like this.

This. Enduring disappointment builds emotional resilience.

This may be an unpopular idea but maybe lie to her and say you rang the activity and they actually don’t return after the Xmas break until next week - then next week if anyone mentions they were there this week just say you must have got the wrong info…

I think you have to look at the bigger picture here.

I think you should prioritise the dentist and get it done. Number one as a preventative, if she has something wrong which has caused the pain, better catch it now before it gets worse.

And second of all, what happens if you reschedule and the only appointment you can get is activity day again? Or if you reschedule and then suddenly 2 weeks before she gets an invitation to a birthday party at the same time? Or a school trip comes up at the same time as new appointment?
There’ll always be something better to do then go for a routine appointment. Sadly she needs to learn that sometimes we have to miss the fun things. She won’t be traumatised for life. We all had to be disappointed as children. Let’s be realistic here. There is also the small risk of her thinking if she cries a few times everything will be rearranged for her benefit, which even though it sounds like your daughter is just bitterly disappointed and isn’t trying to wrap you round her finger, it could still set something in her head and sadly life isn’t like that.

Go to the the dentist, and while you’re there try and book your next annual check up there and then at a time which is least likely cause any issue in a years time, then give her some kind of treat. Nothing huge, it doesn’t need to be a day trip or anything like that, just a little treat.

Dentist but she gets to have something yummy for dinner e.g pizza and something fun on the weekend.

I would think her teeth could wait for another 3 months, mine haven't been since the start of the pandemic, I can't get an appointment

It's tough but definitely dentist. Teeth are really, really important and the message starts young. (I am someone who has struggled long, hard and expensively with teeth, the damage doesn't happen or show overnight but when it does.... it keeps coming. ). As a parent, you need to set the tone that heath appointments have to come before anything else. Dentists are totally overrun at the moment as far as I can tell and appointments are hard to come by. Take it whilst it's there.

Gosh, take her to the dentist! Teach her that health is important, and help her learn how to manage feeling disappointment.

Can you arrange a playdate this week with the friend and cousin that she normally meets up with at the activity?

I’d chose the activity, if she’s good at looking after her teeth. This activity obviously means a lot to her, and be honest if you looked forward to something you’d be unlikely to schedule a check up for the same day.

She has her whole life to learn about disappointment, it’s been a tough time for the little ones through this pandemic.

I would cancel the dentist. If you keep the appointment she will always see the dentist as something unpleasant and negative and that's not good for long term health. Her short term dental health isn't going to be knackered by a delay.

@Chloemol

Dentist, otherwise she will think she can get away with this behaviour again

"This behaviour????" She's upset, perfectly understandably. How is being upset 'this behaviour?!' How cruel are you!

Momicrone dentists are up and running and have been since November 2020. There aren't an abundance of appointments but they are out there. It's so important to keep up with dental health. What is a small issue can turn into a huge issue over time and you only get one set of adult teeth. Once those teeth start with decay, it's a pathway to fillings, more fillings, root canal and removal. I know because I've been there and am still going through it to my utter dismay. Preventing the damage with regular appointments, or limiting the damage with timely intervention prolongs the life of the tooth immensely. No crown/implant/removal is as good as having a healthy natural tooth.

I would do the activity over the dentist, as it is a check only, and the activity means so much to her.

@Momicrone

I would think her teeth could wait for another 3 months, mine haven't been since the start of the pandemic, I can't get an appointment

Well maybe if people didn't cancel at the last minute for non-emergency reasons then you would have been able to get an appointment.

The OP had plenty of time to cancel prior to the appointment day, now it is too late. If it was for a few days away/next week I would 100% say look into rearranging but when you get to the appointment day itself, unless there is an emergency, people shouldn't be wasting appointments.

@BashStreetKid

Can you arrange a playdate this week with the friend and cousin that she normally meets up with at the activity?

@BashStreetKid thats a good idea for the friend, will have to get ExH to organise with his nephew as I have no contact details for the mum.

The receptionist was very nice about it, I did say "I don't want to cancel but if there's a chance she can do both" the receptionist said it's always worth a try and if it clashes again to absolutely try and rearrange, she even said "My son would be the same if it was one of his activities"

Poor girl :( Socialising is so so important at this age. I have a 6yr old DD and her after-school activity is her whole world at the moment. I wouldn't ever have the heart to make her miss it, she'd be heartbroken.

@HellooooJackie

I would do the activity over the dentist, as it is a check only, and the activity means so much to her.

What if the next appointment is 3 or 6 months away, or gets cancelled due to a Covid absence, or clashes with the activity again, or some other important or social occasion? Checks are there to spot damage. If there's a small amount of damage present it is better seen to quickly before it gets worse. Dentists also have damage preventative solutions to apply to children's molars.

@Branleuse

For a checkup id postpone. She already has a commitment at that time and its important to her. If it was for treatment rather than a check up that would be different.

I agree. There will always be cancellations. A routine check up is hardly life or death.

I can’t believe anyone would cancel a twice a year medical appointment over a weekly fun activity in order to appease a six year old.

She’s got possibly 45-50 other opportunities this year to go to her activity. She’s hardly going to be traumatised for long missing it this week.