I’ve accidentally made myself UR to my 6yo, WWYD?

[DentistOrNoDentist]

6yo does an activity on Tuesday nights, she absolutely loves the activity, gets excited while eating her breakfast, talks about it all day at school, and would happily skip school to go (she doesn’t really like school).

She’s due a checkup at the dentist, she’s been due one for over a year but covid meant she wasn’t invited for one until a few weeks ago.

Called the dentist and the only appointment they had for 3 months was tonight and they couldn’t guarantee the one in 3 months wouldn’t be a Tuesday so I took it.

Explained to 6yo that she’d miss her activity tonight due to the dentist appointment and she cried, proper sobbing heartbroken tears. Then didn’t mention it again.

This morning she gets up excited about her activity, reminded her about her dentist appointment and she broke down crying again, pleading with me to let her go to her activity. I explained that the dentist only had this appointment or we’d have to wait 3 months and she begged me to cancel it and rebook for 3 months (who knows if it might be longer now though it’s the only NHS dentist for 10 miles).

She needs her checkup, she’s started loosing her teeth since her last one and sometimes complains of pain in wobbly teeth – I’m not concerned as such but do want it looked at (my mum claims both me and my brother got occasional pain in wobbly teeth hence why I’m not overly worried but still want it checking).

She does another activity at the weekends that she does enjoy but the Tuesday activity stopped over Christmas and New Year and due to covid isolation that clashed with the last session of 2021 she hasn’t been for 4 weeks so I get her heartbreak over it for her. But she needs the dentist appointment, and I’ve always said hobbies and activities should never be at the expense of education or health.

She’s gone crying into school, begging me one last time to please try and change the appointment.

So WWYD? Ring and change in the hope I get something sooner than 3 months away or take her tonight and deal with potential fall out?

For added context: I’m a single parent, just me her and our pets at home. ExH doesn’t see her as often as the court order stipulates and has messed her around over Christmas (saw her Christmas Day but not since even though he was supposed to see her twice since then) and she struggles with that so I do think that’s feeding into her worries.

Vote:
YANBU - Go to the Dentist
YABU - Cancel and take DD to her activity

Wobbly teeth do hurt. My oldest DC have nearly lost all of their milk teeth now and they still say it hurts when a molar is wobbly so that’s normal.

That aside, she does need a check up so will have to miss out on the activity this time. She’ll get over it and enjoy it even more next week.

@Flowerpower23

I’d take her to the activity and get an nhs dental appointment at the weekend. I’m a soft touch though.

What part of “no appointments for 3 months and even then no guarantee of day” don’t you understand. This smacks of someone who doesn’t use nhs dentists.

Non negotiable and also cancelling last minute is a dick move when nhs dentists are like hens teeth anyway, you’re lucky to have one. Don’t fuck around appointments as it’s shit on others. She’s 6. She’ll get over it.

I would have just said she was busy at that time and set up a different dentist appointment to be honest. It's a check-up, it's ludicrous that it can only be during her activity. Have you checked appointment possibilities for early morning, weekend, later evening, half term? Any other NHS dentist near you?

I’m shocked at how many people are putting an activity that happens every week over dental health. If you’re privileged enough to have an nhs dentist, take the appointment. Health isn’t negotiable especially when it comes to teeth.

OP can you try the dentist again on the off chance of a cancellation you can book?

Absolutely the Dentist, she’s overdue a check up and you’ve already had the battle.

I’m sorry her Dad lets her down but I think (as someone else has said) it’s even more important that you are the consistent reliable parent who does the right thing for her in the long term. I also agree that she’s making such a fuss (don’t blame her at all - she’s 6) because she senses you’re wavering.
I also don’t understand why PP who probably aren’t dentists and know nothing about your DDs teeth are blithely saying they’ll be fine, just put it off . They probably are fine but they might not be, especially if she’s complained of pain.

I think given that you’ve already told her she’s going to the dentist, it would be wrong to change your mind. If it were me, I would have cancelled and rearranged the appointment before telling her about it though.

That's a shame! (Sory cross posted with you before, I hadn't refreshed the thread!)

But it's important to go & also right now especially, not waste NHS dental slots!

I hope she makes it in time for the last 10 mins or more of her activity & that it's all good for next week.

Maybe something as a treat later on?!

If it’s an NHS dentist you must go.
If it’s a dental plan you are paying for privately then I would cancel and register with dentist that actually has appointments.

I genuinely can’t believe so many people are advocating cancelling an overdue medical appointment to go swimming or whatever.

She’ll be upset today but imagine forgotten about it by next week.

@SpiceRat

I’m shocked at how many people are putting an activity that happens every week over dental health. If you’re privileged enough to have an nhs dentist, take the appointment. Health isn’t negotiable especially when it comes to teeth.

I was taught that doing an activity was a commitment, and if you'd agreed to do it, then you stuck with it. Same with other things - if you'd agreed to do it, you didn't just cancel if something else came along.

We don't know the specifics of this activity, but chances are that missing a week will mean everyone else will have to give up time next week going over what was missed. Or the DD will be behind the rest of the class as she has missed a week.

I would never have made the appointment at that time in the first place.

I think thetes nothing wrong with telling a six year old that you made a mistake and changed your mind. Or even that GOOD NEWS the dentist changed the appointment. It makes them feel listened to and that their feelings are important. It doesnt set a precedent. Kids dont just go feral because you take their distress into account sometimes

Take her to the dentist and try to encourage her not to build her hopes up around her twat of a dad.

I was taught that doing an activity was a commitment, and if you'd agreed to do it, then you stuck with it. Same with other things - if you'd agreed to do it, you didn't just cancel if something else came along.

'something else' here is an already overdue health appointment.

chances are that missing a week will mean everyone else will have to give up time next week going over what was missed. Or the DD will be behind the rest of the class as she has missed a week.
Doubt that it's that in-depth, if everyone in the class is of a similar age to her.

@elbea

I genuinely can’t believe so many people are advocating cancelling an overdue medical appointment to go swimming or whatever.

She’ll be upset today but imagine forgotten about it by next week.

I agree !

I've recently paid for a private check-up for my DS since his NHS dentist is still not offering routine children's appointments. There are whole regions of the country where it's impossible to get NHS dental care for your children now.

Of course the dentist should be prioritised over a regular activity! This is just one of those unpopular decisions parents have to make.

Dentist. Such is life.

I just wouldn’t have booked that time in the first place , I’d have booked the earliest appointment they had that was convenient . NHS dentistry is shocking where we are , the nurse taking my blood last week has waited 6 months for a filling .

Activity is a class/lesson but they all progress at their own rate and move up or down groups and classes as needed so DD missing 1 week will only affect her, she loves it though because her best friend from Nursery goes and she goes to a different school now so this is the only time they see each other unless we arrange playdates/parties (these do happen a few times a term). Plus ExHs Nephew (not blood related to DD and ExH, he's Ex-SILs stepson) goes who DD doesn't see often outside of the activity.

I would cancel and let her do her activity. The dentist isn't an emergency. I don't think you are bending to her wishes, or letting her get away with bad behaviour as some have suggested. The activity is very important to her and she has been looking forward to it for ages.

I really hope you cancel the dentist and let her go. The world is terrible right now and I feel sorry for her missing her activity the first week back where everyone will be really excited to see each other.... as long as there's no serious concerns with her teeth, its not going to make a massive difference. You could ring once a week for cancellations.

She's 6 - supposed to have wobbly teeth and occasional pain for the next 6+ years. Are you going to cancel activity every time she mentions wobbly teeth? She'll soon stop telling you and real problems may hide.

@Seeline an awful lot of speculation in your post. I did regular activities as a child and have ran activities like this as an adult and a child missing one week due to health appointments, illnesses, holidays etc. was and still is the norm. Group leaders are well versed in absences and if one week absence is such the calamity you’re proposing I would suggest the group leader revisit their planning and or training as it’s not very good.

I was taught about priorities as a child and health appointments that are over a YEAR over due should not be postponed a further 3 months. Especially when her dd had had some discomfort. But I take oral health seriously. Also some NHS dentists will strike you off the list of you haven’t attended an appointment in a set amount of months so I’d be very wary of pushing that back even further.

If it’s her only activity of the week I’d reschedule but I’m obviously in the minority…

I would do something many may call unethical, and tell her a white lie, saying the activity has been cancelled this week due to Covid.

But this only works if it's not an activity attended by loads of her classmates.

Ah that's tough for her, and a shame the dentist didn't have any other availability, but I would prioritise the dentist in this case. She'll be back at the activity next week and presumably for the foreseeable future.