I’ve accidentally made myself UR to my 6yo, WWYD?

[DentistOrNoDentist]

6yo does an activity on Tuesday nights, she absolutely loves the activity, gets excited while eating her breakfast, talks about it all day at school, and would happily skip school to go (she doesn’t really like school).

She’s due a checkup at the dentist, she’s been due one for over a year but covid meant she wasn’t invited for one until a few weeks ago.

Called the dentist and the only appointment they had for 3 months was tonight and they couldn’t guarantee the one in 3 months wouldn’t be a Tuesday so I took it.

Explained to 6yo that she’d miss her activity tonight due to the dentist appointment and she cried, proper sobbing heartbroken tears. Then didn’t mention it again.

This morning she gets up excited about her activity, reminded her about her dentist appointment and she broke down crying again, pleading with me to let her go to her activity. I explained that the dentist only had this appointment or we’d have to wait 3 months and she begged me to cancel it and rebook for 3 months (who knows if it might be longer now though it’s the only NHS dentist for 10 miles).

She needs her checkup, she’s started loosing her teeth since her last one and sometimes complains of pain in wobbly teeth – I’m not concerned as such but do want it looked at (my mum claims both me and my brother got occasional pain in wobbly teeth hence why I’m not overly worried but still want it checking).

She does another activity at the weekends that she does enjoy but the Tuesday activity stopped over Christmas and New Year and due to covid isolation that clashed with the last session of 2021 she hasn’t been for 4 weeks so I get her heartbreak over it for her. But she needs the dentist appointment, and I’ve always said hobbies and activities should never be at the expense of education or health.

She’s gone crying into school, begging me one last time to please try and change the appointment.

So WWYD? Ring and change in the hope I get something sooner than 3 months away or take her tonight and deal with potential fall out?

For added context: I’m a single parent, just me her and our pets at home. ExH doesn’t see her as often as the court order stipulates and has messed her around over Christmas (saw her Christmas Day but not since even though he was supposed to see her twice since then) and she struggles with that so I do think that’s feeding into her worries.

Vote:
YANBU - Go to the Dentist
YABU - Cancel and take DD to her activity

Definitely go to dentist. If you can also make last 10 mins of activity I'd do that too but dental health important and she hasn't been for a year and no other appointments for 3 months. It's not like you can arrange in a week or two.

Take her to the dentist, its one week missing it. Take her for a treat after.

Don't give in. Teeth are more important than the disappointment of missing this activity once.

it might be good for her to see that she misses the activity and nothing bad happens.

I would keep the dentist appointment.

I'd be very understanding about her being upset, but the dentist is more important and once it's done, it's done for a while so Tuesday night club can go on uninterupted. Rather tha have the 'worry' of another Tues appointment hanging over you all.

I'd rebook the dentist personally, she's having a hard time and is obviously struggling, it seems really harsh to take away the one thing that is seemingly making her so happy. A lot of people haven't seen the dentist through covid for a year or so, I was 16 months without a checkup appointment...and that's paying privately.

If you hadn't explained it to her would she even have remembered she had the activity on this day? My 6yo wouldn't always so I just say e.g. oh we're going to the dentist when I pick them up from school. Especially if she hasn't been for weeks?

My 6yo has had to miss parties etc when sick but I never remind them that that's the case as it makes things worse!

You sound like a really lovely mum imho, so nice these days to see parents taking kids feelings into account and trying to make situations easier. Time enough for kids to face the ‘real world’… anyway I digress…

I’m in the dentist camp tbh, my son had a painful wobbly front tooth and he’d damaged his gum playing ( hadn’t told me - just said wobbly tooth was sore - and wasn’t obvious when we did brushing) they found the damage and sorted it, preventing future issues.

I think explaining about not putting off heath stuff sends a message if you cannot get the appointment changed. If it’s immovable I’d give her a small treat like hot chocolate and extra film time or something. But ensuring that children understand that health checks are more important than almost anything I feel serves a valuable life lesson for the future.

@LanaDelBoy

If you hadn't explained it to her would she even have remembered she had the activity on this day? My 6yo wouldn't always so I just say e.g. oh we're going to the dentist when I pick them up from school. Especially if she hasn't been for weeks?

My 6yo has had to miss parties etc when sick but I never remind them that that's the case as it makes things worse!

@LanaDelBoy No she remembers the activity, when she didn't go over Christmas if she found out what day of the week it was she'd say "I should have gone to (activity) yesterday/2 days ago/tonight"

Btw I understand your wider concerns but my thought on that is that enforcing / providing normality, including consistency, boundaries and boring but sensible habits, is actually more important, not less, given the wider uncertainties and disappointments.

You need to be sensible parent who does the right things and provides stability and a good example. Hard but the right thing to do for the long term.

Don't go down the route of matching instability, unpredictability and impulsiveness with more of the same.

Absolutely dentist. If she has good dental hygiene (which I'm sure she does), her teeth will probably be fine but occasionally problems can creep in and picking up on them early is really important to avoid invasive treatment being required. Covid has stored up a huge backlog of dental issues and missed check ups... anyone who has a chance to be seen should take it.

On hold to the dentist surgery, I'm not going to cancel just discuss it with the receptionist and see what they say. They might say they can bring the appointment forward or something, you never know.

Fingers crossed they can move it slightly...

Dentist, and haven't RTFT but paediatric dental care impacts women particularly later in life - specifically with pregnancy and childbirth.

Dentist appointments are so valuable right now and cancelling now will mean it may go to waste (too short for an emergency slot). Please don’t cancel it.

Being absolutely honest but probably unreasonable, I would cancel the dentist appointment and make one for 3 months time, but if she is in pain in the meantime, make an emergency appointment for which you should be seen on the same day.

I'd call the dentist and check for cancellations however if no appointments this next week available then I'd tell her she has to go to the appointment today but I'd take anything we needed for her activity with us to the appointment and try to catch at least some of it for her.
I'd also turn up early at the dentist just incase they'd had a no-show and you got in early.
( But there again I've got a badly behaved pre-teen who acts spoiled, angry and entitled so maybe I'm not the best to give advice. Maybe bending backwards trying to ensure she gets what she wants isn't the best advice)

You need to take your DD to the dentist - my dentist is heavily oversubscribed so they have a massive waiting list, if you don't go for at least an annual check up and you cancel appointments they will take you off their books. If your DD hasn't been for over a year and you cancel this appointment with less than 24hrs notice without a good reason then they may take your DD off their list so I wouldn't risk it - if the appointment was for next week then I might say to try and rearrange it but at this stage it is really too late, especially as you can't guarantee they will still have the same availability in 3 months that they had when you originally booked.

Secondly, with my DD health care appointments - doctors, dentists, physio etc - are non-negotiable. I will try to find them round school/her activities as much as possible but if she has to miss something for a health care appointment, so be it. If she does have to miss something then I will try to make sure she gets another treat to make up for it but not if she has a tantrum about whatever she is missing.

The only compromise I might make is to call the dentist and see if they have any cancellations for today at the last minute (someone might have called them to say they've tested positive for covid this morning etc) so they may be able to see your DD at a slightly earlier time which would allow her to also go to some of her activity.

OverTheRubicon
This. She's 6 and it's one activity, and you're clearly a very loving parent who gives her good things at other times. It isn't actually a kindness to skip out on healthcare, and it's isn't normal not to see a dentist for kids (as a pp said), there's a reason that British teeth are always a laughing stock on international TV shows, it's because so many of us are less responsible than you are.

Take her to to the dentist, and maybe then let her do something lovely and unexpected - but that doesn't involve anything sugary - from choosing a book, or a toy, or cooking a lovely dinner together. Mine love having an early tea then going out somewhere in pyjamas and a coat, once we did that and went to Tesco Extra in the dark with £10 to spend on a toy, and they still talk about it a year later

I'm not British and we do discuss how bad some British people's teeth are. Not all obviously but we do discuss it.

My daughter has a lot of activities and before I book anything for her I do try to make sure they don't clash. Sometimes it's unavoidable and you then have to choose what's more important. I definitely would choose dentist in this case.

I'd rearrange the dentist, it's only a checkup so she'll only be in 20 seconds (children same age are), it'd be different if she was older and had issues/needed treatment. I wouldn't create so much upset over a simple checkup when you can just move it.

@GemGEmGemster Well that was a bit unnecessary - u ok hun??

Go to the dentist - there is a massive backlog to get appointments, and sometimes you just have to be bad cop

I'd take her to the dentist. Part of parenting is helping children get over disappointments.

Dentist. And create a safe space for her to have a big huge cry about it while you listen and comfort her. She may actually need the cry more than the dentist OR the activity.

Thing is you’ve laid down that line now that she is going to the dentist and if you let her go to the activity after all you’ll just create confusion and make a rod for your own back in the future.

What I mean is that when a child is disproportionately upset about something what they often need is to unpack a lot of big feelings to a caring listener.