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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask how long you waited to have sex after baby?

210 replies

Bells3032 · 10/01/2022 22:06

Baby is three weeks old and thanks to a combination of a fast labour and tiny baby there is very little damage down there (had one stitch). Is it weird that i am horny and raring to go. But I think it may be too soon physically plus need to get condoms (don't want another baby soon).

How long did you wait and how was it? Any regrets?

OP posts:
allfurcoatnoknickers · 11/01/2022 02:31

6 weeks after an ELCS. I was recovered, but breast feeding my killed sex drive absolutely stone dead, as did the extra stone I was carrying around Sad.

Cappuccino17 · 11/01/2022 02:40

After I finished the whole postnatal bleeding forgotten term that's used for it lol and doctors had okayed that I was healed. When I felt up to it it happened and when we had the time!
I really don't know how people did it so early after birth! Wow insane.

Happyhappyday · 11/01/2022 02:46

Maybe 6 months? Was very touched out & had an episiotomy that got infected, wasn’t even close to healed for at least 4 months with lingering pain a long time after that.

bobbythevet · 11/01/2022 02:55

@BitcherOfBlakiven

Both births were less than 2 hours, small babies and no damage beyond tiny tears due to the speed that I labour, but Christ if he’d swung his dick in my directed any time within a few months I’d probably have snapped it off.
GrinGrinGrin
EnrouteNOTonroute · 11/01/2022 04:09

Women saying they had sex whilst the stitches were there makes me want to cross my legs. How the hell was that a nice experience?
I’ve currently got stitches at 4 weeks post partum and I can barely bring myself to look at my fanny let alone have sex with it

user97426 · 11/01/2022 05:10

I'm Irish live in Ireland and have never known the term "Irish twins" to be offensive.
My sisters are "Irish twins" my mum would tell people regularly that's what they are. In no way is she (or anyone else I've ever known) offended by the term.
People are offended by absolutely everything nowadays!Hmm

CharlotteRose90 · 11/01/2022 06:26

I’m Irish and I’ve heard the term Irish twins and even Irish triplets. It’s used a lot in my area and certainly not as a racist term. I wouldn’t be offended by it either. People get offended by so much these days.

SummerLovin2022 · 11/01/2022 06:40

I think it's advised to wait for 6 weeks after the birth and you have had your check up. To be honest I find those saying they had sex after a few days quite grim.

Angel2702 · 11/01/2022 06:42

About 6 weeks, when bleeding stopped. Wouldn’t have wanted to until that point.

MelonTits · 11/01/2022 06:50

Four weeks, when the bleeding had stopped. Second degree tear so a few stitches.

purplehairlady · 11/01/2022 07:06

@Mufasa1118

I'm in Ireland. Of course the term Irish twins is an offensive.

It is a term used for children born close together, because fifty years ago Irish women were forbidden by the Catholic church to use any contraception, and many of these women were raped by their husbands, so they had many children born close together

My Irish mother has told me about her mother (my gran). She told me that my gran would just be home from hospital after giving birth, and her husband would rape her, making her pregnant again. Contraception was totally banned in Ireland at that time.

That is is why "Irish twins" is offensive

Thanks for educating the thread. I knew of the term but not the origins and why it is offensive!
EishetChayil · 11/01/2022 08:20

To the women who got back in the saddle quickly, so to speak - did you not have postpartum bleeding? I bled for about six weeks.

EishetChayil · 11/01/2022 08:22

@CharlotteRose90

I’m Irish and I’ve heard the term Irish twins and even Irish triplets. It’s used a lot in my area and certainly not as a racist term. I wouldn’t be offended by it either. People get offended by so much these days.

No, but it is actually a deeply offensive term. Read what other posters have written. Just because something doesn't personally offend you, doesn't mean that it isn't offensive and steeped in racism/classism/whatever.

wingingit987 · 11/01/2022 08:31

5 weeks with first

8 weeks with second

Both straight forward births.

I wouldn't have had sex while I was still bleeding.

Guess some people like that but not my thing.

GrandTheftWalrus · 11/01/2022 08:38

Nhs actually say there is no time limit, its when you feel ready.

I had stopped bleeding by 2 weeks after dd1 so by the time we had sex everything was fine.

With dd2 I bled for ages because I'd been on blood thinners since 20 odd weeks then 10 days pp as well. I also had a 2nd degree tear with dd2 as she was born very quickly on my living room floor. Also she's 8 months and I can count on the 1 hand how many times we've had sex.

Barbarantia · 11/01/2022 09:01

I've been on a postnatal ward where a man was loudly harassing a midwife to get her to confirm NHS guidance that sex was possible immediately after birth, in front of the mother of the infant. He was waving printouts and everything. Anyone could see the young woman was exhausted and had possibly just had a traumatic experience. She had just been wheeled in with her newborn. Proving to her that she needed to get comfortable with the idea of sex very quickly was all I saw him do with her.
My drug filled brain took it all in but didn't react at the time. I wish they had frogmarched him out of there. No empathy at all.

If any of the responders here are male and trying to normalise early sex after birth by making timings up, shame on you.

I'll never forget that interaction.

GrandTheftWalrus · 11/01/2022 09:07

That's disgusting @Barbarantia that poor woman. My friend had sex 6 days after birth and that wasn't her choice Angry

Branleuse · 11/01/2022 09:12

@youvegottenminuteslynn

Blimey *@Branleuse* you could have at least mentioned in passing how awful the experience of that posters nan was, being raped and forcibly impregnated. Of course people who have been close to those that happened to (lots of people) would find the term offensive, while others might not. It would be good to show a bit of empathy to those who have such sad reasons rather than dismissing them as easily offended people.
It is awful that so many women in the past and still today have had no agency in their lives. A lose lose situation and many Irish families have hugely tragic histories in the female line due to the misogynistic catholic culture at the time.
Branleuse · 11/01/2022 09:20

@youvegottenminuteslynn
I do think that if youre offended by the term irish twins then dont use the term. Noone ever goes up to someone mocking that theyre an irish twin. Noone uses it as an insult.
Some people take personal offence to terms, but bloody tonnes of us here are Irish or catholics or from those families and its just annoying to have people assume offense on others behalf. The term may have slightly derogatory history but so does a lot of pretty normal and commonplace language. I just think its a pretty stupid one to have everyone pop up practically saying " youre racist" and have to have it deleted. I maintain its evolved into almost a term of endearment and needs reclaiming

Branleuse · 11/01/2022 09:23

@EishetChayil

To the women who got back in the saddle quickly, so to speak - did you not have postpartum bleeding? I bled for about six weeks.
Yes, it was a bit of a mess
Sleepyquest · 11/01/2022 09:28

I was still in hospital after 5 days 🤣
Think we were about 5 months, I was extremely nervous of anything going up there but it was all fine.
They do say you should wait at least 6 weeks but plenty don't.

Branleuse · 11/01/2022 11:32

@Barbarantia

I've been on a postnatal ward where a man was loudly harassing a midwife to get her to confirm NHS guidance that sex was possible immediately after birth, in front of the mother of the infant. He was waving printouts and everything. Anyone could see the young woman was exhausted and had possibly just had a traumatic experience. She had just been wheeled in with her newborn. Proving to her that she needed to get comfortable with the idea of sex very quickly was all I saw him do with her. My drug filled brain took it all in but didn't react at the time. I wish they had frogmarched him out of there. No empathy at all.

If any of the responders here are male and trying to normalise early sex after birth by making timings up, shame on you.

I'll never forget that interaction.

Thats awful :( I hope that the midwives helped her or referred her
housemaus · 11/01/2022 11:52

@WheelieBinPrincess

On the way home from hospital after ELCS, I got DH to pull over. I was just so horny.

NOT. It was weeks. This is really coming across as a weird boasting thread. I had a tiny baby who didn’t sleep or let me put him down and I’d had an operation. Why would I want a penis up me Confused

I find your comment weirder, tbh. Do you always think of sex as 'having a penis up you' as opposed to connecting with your partner, enjoying yourself, mutual pleasure etc?

It's obviously fine if you didn't want those things or didn't think sex would provide those things right after birth, many people don't.

But I don't think it's boastful to say you did, and I think it's odd that you can't see that sex is an enjoyable bonding experience for people, and that that's why they would want it...

Disneyblueeyes · 11/01/2022 11:53

I was sore during sex for a good 6 months after.

RealBecca · 11/01/2022 12:02

over a year. It wasn't a priority for either of us. Now we average once a month which were both happy with.