To be pissed off with hotels always asking if we'd prefer a twin?!

[PunchyMojitos]

Hi,

DW and I go away for the odd night in a hotel. Once every 2 or 3 months I'd say. It's our litte treat and we relish the child free time 🥳 and we get to re connect a bit. Like any other couple...

Anyway, that enjoyment is usually tainted right at the beginning, 9 times out of 10 times, by being asked if we'd prefer a twin room on check in. We're not the stereotypical looking same sex couple I suppose, but still clearly a couple I would say. It's so irritating and actually quite offensive. If we wanted a twin, we'd have booked a twin.

It has even then sometimes led to staff actually asking questions like "so are you guys just friends then?" Or "are you sisters?" We look NOTHING like each other! This last time we were asked, even after we had just declined another twin, if we'd prefer separate bedding! Straight couples just get checked in. Nobody would assume they might actually just be friends or brother and sister and so offer them a twin! They would just give them the key to their room, no questions asked.

I don't think it's usually coming from a place of hate or real homophobia, but this really shouldn't be happening in 2022. We're not that unusual!

Just venting really.

Ha, we used to get this a lot, although not so much in the last few years.

I remember about 10 years ago we were checking in and the receptionist was very apologetic saying a double had been booked by mistake. We said it was fine, then another guest overheard and offered to swap as she and her husband had only been able to book a twin. Kept assuring us it was no trouble, until I said “We’re married, we’re allowed to share a bed!”

They’ve probably had two ladies (friends) sharing rooms before who flipped when they got given a double. The further probing is out of order.

If they ask in future just respond with a big smile “thanks, but my wife’s snoring isn’t that bad, I’d rather still share a bed with her”

I can see why it would leave a bitter taste in your mouth but I wouldn’t let it ruin your weekends away.
I suppose it’s quite likely that two female friends would go for a weekend away and might prefer twin beds but less likely that male and female friends would go away like this and opt to share a room. I also know couples who prefer separate beds so might like the twin option.
Like I say, it’s very clumsy of the receptionist but I don’t think it’s malicious.

Maybe you could offer the hotels some feedback by how they might better word or enquire; such as “We have both twin and double rooms, do you have a preference?”

I hear you!

When you book the hotel there's usually a note area for special requests etc. I always put a note in there to say please do not ask us if we would like a twin we are partners and would like a double room as booked.

If not then from the off say we have a double room booked for myself and my partner thank you.

Same sex couples are hardly a novelty these days. YANBU, especially if there's a way of booking a twin before hand!

So reasonable to be frustrated. I am quite queer presenting, and my partner is quite fem presenting we get this quite regularly too. Sometimes only one of us will go to the check in desk so that we can avoid this irritating conversation!

I think it's less the fact that you can't be a couple, and more the fact that lots of female friends would share a room together - whereas mixed-sex friends would almost never do so. So when two women arrive together statistically they're most likely friends sharing a room to save money rather than a couple - obviously not th case for a man and a woman.

Fwiw my husband would jump at the chance to have a twin room over a double!

Try not to let it spoil your getaway and enjoy the peace and quiet - very few couples with small children get that amount of time to themselves so hats off to whoever is giving you the childcare!

I guess they have more same sex friends than same sex couples. It’s just statistics. Don’t be so precious.

I have the opposite when I go away with my (opposite sex) best friend. No matter how many times I ask for a twin, I often get a double. I often say we are siblings to get them to listen.

Use this to your advantage. Every time you are asked, ask to speak to the manager regarding the request. Kick up a fuss and you’ll get a free upgrade!

It's really easy for the reception staff to state, every couple - ah that's a booking for room # a double/twin/family, is there anything you will be needing? That way if you don't want a double (whoever you are) you can query or not as necessary.

It's vvery crap to be saying 'are you sure?!' to guests. It sounds like quite a few need some straightforward customer service training. Obviously they're uncovering some homophobic thoughts in their heads ..... Like assuming all gay people look a particular way

I’m not gay and I’ve been asked this when checking in with DH.Some married couples prefer separate beds.

@Rumplestrumpet - i would usually share a room with friends of other sex. But maybe that’s because I had a mixed sex friendship group from childhood so many are like family to me.

On the flip side, when we were in our early twenties, me and my brother used to socialise together a lot. We’d go to London together etc.
We often requested a twin room but would be assumed to be a couple and asked if we’d booked a twin by mistake.
My brother would say “I’m close with my sister, but not that close”

I used to be a front desk manager, it is tricky! The double or twin question really is a 'do you want to sleep together or not?' question. The fact that a double has been booked is largely irrelevant, about half of the arrivals on any given day are booked into the wrong room type, it depends more on what's available in the system than what the guest actually wants, so you do have to clarify with every arrival. If you just assume and don't check then the number of people that come storming back down to the desk completely kicking off is much larger than you'd imagine.

However, a quick 'we have you booked into a double, is that right?' suffices, there's certainly no need for any further questions!

Heterosexual couples asked every time too!

I work at reception at a hotel and the only reason why you would be asked if you prefer a double or a twin is if on your reservation you haven’t already specified because a lot of rooms that you book can be made into a twin so just make sure it’s already requested when booking that you want a double bed

Long time since I was a hotel receptionist but standard practice for us back then when checking anyone in was to confirm the booking details so say “we’ve got you in a (whatever type of) room for x nights, is that right?”
Certainly wouldn’t be offering them a change unless they said that was wrong!

My first thought was isn't it just a numbers thing? Same sex friends sharing a room must be massively more common than brother and sister or different sex friends sharing.

However surely the chances of same sex friends sharing AND booking the wrong sort of room must be lower than the chances of a gay couple booking. Maybe it's just avoiding the upheaval where mistakes do happen and people then want to move rooms, which must be a pain for staff, but on the whole I think YANBU.

IME the reverse is not true. When DH and I book a twin room, no one offers us a swap for a double.

@Bus293, precious? Are you serious? By your "just statistics" logic, I guess you shouldn't bother trying to be inclusive or open your mind, with any minority group then! Just statistics. As always, it's ok if you're in the majority and you're seen as the "norm".

You may think these things are insignificant, a non issue etc, but they're not. They add up and can make you feel pretty rubbish actually.

We’ve had a couple of upgrades due to this - I didn’t kick up a fuss just said no, we’re a couple and then they have upgraded sheepishly. It’s one of those things I guess, it doesn’t upset me.

To all of the straight people insisting it's not a big deal, it's disrespectful for one, there's undertones of homophobia to these situations. You can't "understand" the struggle when it doesn't effect you in any way. So stop trying, it's very insulting.

It absolutely sounds like people think homosexual relationships are not as "serious" as straight ones, if they did they'd ask straight couples the same thing on arrival, but they don't.

I would let it wash by and just say we want a double please.

As others have said, two same sex friends away together is probably the more common scenario and the receptionist is just making sure that they provide what is required. That is their job.

Gradually the normality of a same sex couple in a double bed will become clear to people, so it will not come as a surprise, but it is early days. Just be proud that you are in the vanguard of social change.

I genuinely cannot understand how being asked a simple question could "taint your enjoyment" of a night away. It's like being a vegetarian and getting offended every time someone offers you a sausage roll. Not a big deal, you graciously but firmly say "no thanks" and move on with your life.

I can guess they're looking to not be shouted at by friends or sisters who would be upset at the assumption they're a couple but there are better ways to clarify the booking - "I've got you down for a double for 3 nights, is that right?" for example gives any non-couples the opportunity to say it should be a twin without you having to explain yourselves.