To be pissed off with hotels always asking if we'd prefer a twin?!

[PunchyMojitos]

Hi,

DW and I go away for the odd night in a hotel. Once every 2 or 3 months I'd say. It's our litte treat and we relish the child free time 🥳 and we get to re connect a bit. Like any other couple...

Anyway, that enjoyment is usually tainted right at the beginning, 9 times out of 10 times, by being asked if we'd prefer a twin room on check in. We're not the stereotypical looking same sex couple I suppose, but still clearly a couple I would say. It's so irritating and actually quite offensive. If we wanted a twin, we'd have booked a twin.

It has even then sometimes led to staff actually asking questions like "so are you guys just friends then?" Or "are you sisters?" We look NOTHING like each other! This last time we were asked, even after we had just declined another twin, if we'd prefer separate bedding! Straight couples just get checked in. Nobody would assume they might actually just be friends or brother and sister and so offer them a twin! They would just give them the key to their room, no questions asked.

I don't think it's usually coming from a place of hate or real homophobia, but this really shouldn't be happening in 2022. We're not that unusual!

Just venting really.

@ArchibaldsDaddy, how would they know? Because I booked a double!

@ILoveMyCaravan, that is awful.

@ArchibaldsDaddy @Mamanyt as lots of people have previously stated, checking once “we have you booked into a twin/double for x nights with/without breakfast, is that correct?” Is absolutely fine. That is NOT what the OP is experiencing. They are experiencing being asked multiple times, by the same person during check in followed by questions about their relationship to one another. Even without any raised eyebrows, giggling or other I appropriate gestures, this is rude and ignorant behaviour and something that straight couples do not experience - in the 17 years I’ve been with my husband, having stayed in dozens of hotels, I have never been questioned if we were sure that we wanted a double nor been questioned about our relationship, even when we were first together and pretty much everyone who didn’t know my age thought I was 15 yrs old (I was 19yrs old). So someone who is potentially a minor sharing a bed with a man - cool, no questions asked but two women (and I’m sure two men experience the same), multiple questions about their room request and there relationship and you still believe it’s just “routine”???

The OP and other posters in same sex couples are complaining about the discriminatory questions though, not the routine ones. I suspect that if you're frequently subjected to the discriminatory enquiries then you get a bit about even the innocent routine ones as well, that's only human.

But loads of lesbian/gay posters on this thread are saying that they frequently get intrusive comments and questions over and above a neutral check on booking accuracy. Why would you not believe them?

We get this and it is annoying. Especially 'are you two sisters?' Like anyone asks people if they're sisters.
It's just an indirect way of asking if you're together!

We were having a meal out one night and someone came to our table and asked 'are you two sisters?' So I replied 'no, we're married'. And she turned around and shouted back to her partner 'see! I told you they were together!'
Then went on to tell us how they'd been sat there debating it for ages.

And when going to hotels we are sometimes asked about twin rooms. My god, we went to Tunisia once, and they refused us a double room despite the fact we'd paid for it and said we could only have a twin room and insisted we tell people we are sisters.
So we wouldn't go back there.

@Simonjt

Yep, very familiar with this.

We were asked three times if we wanted to change to a twin room on the first night of our honeymoon, we had booked one of the honeymoon suites!

Ah, I do like the comparison of a vegetarian being offered a sausage roll. Vegetarianism is a choice, it isn’t illegal in 68 countries, it isn’t punishable by death, your existence in the UK has always been legal, your ability to marry has always been legal, your ability to have children has always been legal. You aren’t beaten up or verbally abused in the street for being vegetarian, you aren’t sacked for it, disowned by parents, colleagues and friends.

Absolutely this @Simonjt

FFS I can’t believe the number of people saying YABU and trying to minimise your very legitimate complaint with statistics and ‘well, actually’s! Of course YANBU.

It’s very sensible for the receptionist to double check the room type with anyone who checks in BUT all that’s needed is a ‘ok, so that’s a double/king size room…’ and guests can shout if that’s not right. I once checked into a hotel with my brother and they’d put us in a double room instead of a twin, and we absolutely insisted that the room be put right!

What’s absolutely not OK is to ask leading and presumptuous questions like ‘are you sure you wouldn’t prefer a twin?’ or to keep badgering and insisting that ‘it’s no trouble!’ when you’ve already answered that you do indeed want the double.

Anyone who thinks it’s OK to badger a same-sex couple like this because they’re in the minority and it’s therefore ‘just statistics’ needs to go back to fucking basics and learn about what equality actually means!

Oh, good, there are some absolutely nauseating wide eyed apologists for this nonsense on this thread.

It is stupidity and homophobia and it shouldn’t be happening.

A tactful way to ensure ALL guests have the room they want: fine.

Making assumptions about the kind of room ANY guests want: not fine.

ANY follow up questions to any guests about the nature of their relationship: not fine.

If I choose twin beds with DH, or share a room with gay best male friend on a hobby trip to save money or share a bed with my female partner or any other arrangement, none of that should be asked about when simply confirming a business arrangement: paying for a room.

Roll on 2022: you seem not to have arrived in some benighted corners of the hospitality industry. (And MN).

@ArchibaldsDaddy

And how many idiots do you think a hotel deals with every day who have booked the wrong type of room (or have had the wrong type of hotel booked for them? The clerks that book my travel at work screw up regularly - and have you met the public?? 49% of them have below average intelligence and a good chunk of the rest have little common sense.

The hotel are (in all but a few cases) providing a courtesy in just checking - let’s not go out of our way to invent discriminatory behaviour when zero value-judgements are being applied in an innocent and genuinely well-meant query.

I’m quite happy when a hotel checks that all the requirements have translated from booking to reality - it’s more of an indication of good customer service than just allocating unthinkingly.

Let’s not follow the US into their sort of hyperbolic butt-hurtery and entitled Karen-istic outrage at everything. We’re better than that…aren’t we??

Yy, great grandstanding about checking the admin / nature of the booking.

And the follow up questioning about the nature of the relationship? Where does that fit in your (sexist ‘Karen’ referencing ) address to the nation?

Lesbian women, listen to the Man!

@WakingFromDreams, ffs that honestly makes my blood boil. Thing is, there are still lots of people (many on this thread apparently) who believe that because they didn't come over and call you a pair of disgusting lesbians, you're uptight or the best one, "looking to be offended"

Do these people honestly not see these kind of incidents makes us feel like a circus act? A freak? The staring, the whispering, the sniggering,, it makes you feel like absolute shit. As I've already said, I have been verbally and physically abused because I am in a same sex relationship and whereas these were terribly traumatic experiences, the sniggering and the placing bets on what your relationship is, is almost worse, because blatant and openly homophobic people are, as far as I'm concerned, complete idiots, so I can kind of deal with that in a way, but the sniggerers make you feel

I remember an episode of COUPLES Come Dine with Me and there was one lesbian couple. Another straight couple weren't sure if they really were a couple or just friends and was taking bets with their partner. When the women confirmed they were a couple, the woman said something along the lines of "oooooh, I really didn't know!" And her husband was very excited with himself and said " see, I told you so!". Ffs its Couples Come Dine with Me, yet so many people still probably think that this was an innocent, harmless mistake, because how could they possibly know? The majority of people are straight after all

If someone has pre booked I see no reason for asking on check in whether they want a twin. If they did, they'd have booked one. And if they did and didn't book one, it's their error if they then come to the desk to complain later.

If you're turning up and booking on the day they need only ask every couple guest do you want a twin or double and then accept their first answer. Simple.

*make you feel terrible

@ArchibaldsDaddy

And how many idiots do you think a hotel deals with every day who have booked the wrong type of room (or have had the wrong type of hotel booked for them? The clerks that book my travel at work screw up regularly - and have you met the public?? 49% of them have below average intelligence and a good chunk of the rest have little common sense.

The hotel are (in all but a few cases) providing a courtesy in just checking - let’s not go out of our way to invent discriminatory behaviour when zero value-judgements are being applied in an innocent and genuinely well-meant query.

I’m quite happy when a hotel checks that all the requirements have translated from booking to reality - it’s more of an indication of good customer service than just allocating unthinkingly.

Let’s not follow the US into their sort of hyperbolic butt-hurtery and entitled Karen-istic outrage at everything. We’re better than that…aren’t we??

But OP isn't talking about just checking the booking i.e. "OK so that's a double room for 2 nights including breakfast. If you could please fill out this form and sign at the bottom and I'll sort out your keys. Would you like two keys or one?". Instead its checking that they don't want a twin and then repeating the question etc.

So no, it's not a case of being a Karen or butt hurt.

FWIW I stay in hotels all the time for work and sometimes have taken my partner when I've been pregnant and risk of labour, and we also travel for leisure a lot. Funnily enough no one has ever checked if we would like a twin rather than a double. Yet we could be friends sharing. I've also stayed with female friends in a twin room and no one has checked if we want a double.

So it seems to only be when same sex couples turn up having booked a double that these repeat questions are being asked. It's obvious why.

@ArchibaldsDaddy are you deliberately ignoring what has repeatedly stated to make your ignorant, dismissive and oppressing statement that this normal and we are all being “Karens” “looking to be offended”? Or are you part of the 49% that have below average intelligence and so lack the ability to understand that people in this situation face multiple, repeated and continuing questions after they have very clearly stated that, yes they want a double room. And you truly believe that it’s good customer service to then question their relationship to each other??? You, and people like you, are the exact problem OP, and others in similar situations, experience every damn day. Take your repugnant opinions elsewhere and educate yourself!

@Newmumatlast

If someone has pre booked I see no reason for asking on check in whether they want a twin. If they did, they'd have booked one. And if they did and didn't book one, it's their error if they then come to the desk to complain later.

If you're turning up and booking on the day they need only ask every couple guest do you want a twin or double and then accept their first answer. Simple.

According to hotel employees on this thread errors on pre-booking (whether by the user or by the system) happen sufficiently frequently that it would be a constant PITA to wait for guests to go to their room then come back down, complain and get moved - much more efficient to check on everyone at check in.

But that's a reasons for a one-off "we've got you registered with the following requirements is that correct?" check, not the additional "why aren't you normal?" queries.

@Newmumatlast

If someone has pre booked I see no reason for asking on check in whether they want a twin. If they did, they'd have booked one. And if they did and didn't book one, it's their error if they then come to the desk to complain later.

If you're turning up and booking on the day they need only ask every couple guest do you want a twin or double and then accept their first answer. Simple.

Because pre-booking systems are often "requests only" and aren't actually any guarantee of the room you'll get. We've had that plenty of times when we've actually selected a "twin" room off the booking site, as shown on the confirmation, but when we check in and get to our room, we find it's a double bed. The chains don't allocate rooms until the arrival day, so if the back office clerk doesn't notice the booking preference or doesn't have any of the preferred rooms available at that time, they'll allocate a different one.

Of course this sort of thing isn't the most serious type of homophobia that happens. It's obviously going to be much more traumatic if you're verbally or physically attacked or your health needs aren't properly met because of your sexuality, for example.

But that doesn't mean that smaller incidents like this don't matter at all. They get you down over time.

The "asking if you are sisters" thing is so common for lesbian couples and it's so annoying to deal with. Every time it happens I think - if I was straight, no-one would be asking if my husband is my brother.

As people have said previously - all they need to say is ‘that’s a twin/double room is that correct? No need for any other questions. So I’d only be offended if they ask other questions.
If You think that’s homophonic; back in the early 90s ( not that many years ago) I worked for a travel company ( I will not name them) and it was policy that if two people of the same sex were booking then we booked a twin room. If there wasn’t one available then we could ask women if they minded sharing a double, but we were not allowed to book a double for two men 😱

@ImInStealthMode

Haven't read the full thread so this may have been said already, but as a hotel receptionist I was more than once verbally attacked by heterosexual friends / colleagues who had accidentally booked a double room and were enormously affronted by the assumption they would be sharing it.

As shitty as I appreciate it is for you OP, after that I would always check (although in a much more subtle way, I'd just make sure to mention the room type during the check in 'Lovely so that's room 9, king size bed, all ready for you, and you're here until Friday' kind of thing).

But when you were verbally attacked by such people, did that happen only after you’d checked several times? Did you really have to say ‘it’s a double bed, are you sure that’s ok, no really, are you sure you want a twin?’ before they finally kicked off about needing a twin instead of a double? Or did they make it very clear they wanted a twin the moment you said ‘so that’s a double room…’? I suspect it would be the latter. Clearly confirming the room type (as you’ve said you would do) should be more than enough to give someone the opportunity to object if it isn’t right.

There’s a subtle implication in quite a few posts here that it would be a really awful, offensive thing to accidentally imply that two straight people might be gay, and that it’s therefore far better to offend a gay couple by invalidating their relationship than it is to maybe, possibly, suggest for a second than a straight person might be gay

@Broads93

To all of the straight people insisting it's not a big deal, it's disrespectful for one, there's undertones of homophobia to these situations. You can't "understand" the struggle when it doesn't effect you in any way. So stop trying, it's very insulting.

It absolutely sounds like people think homosexual relationships are not as "serious" as straight ones, if they did they'd ask straight couples the same thing on arrival, but they don't.

Why must homophobia be brought into it? Why must the Receptionist have to try and guess whether or not two women or two men have a sexual relationship? It's none of the Receptionist's business. Its also disrespectful to accuse straight people of not understanding. That is stereotyping at its worst. The OP asked for opinions as nd she got them. It shouldn't be for you to take people to task just because you don't happen to agree with what has been said.

[quote PunchyMojitos]@WakingFromDreams, ffs that honestly makes my blood boil. Thing is, there are still lots of people (many on this thread apparently) who believe that because they didn't come over and call you a pair of disgusting lesbians, you're uptight or the best one, "looking to be offended"

Do these people honestly not see these kind of incidents makes us feel like a circus act? A freak? The staring, the whispering, the sniggering,, it makes you feel like absolute shit. As I've already said, I have been verbally and physically abused because I am in a same sex relationship and whereas these were terribly traumatic experiences, the sniggering and the placing bets on what your relationship is, is almost worse, because blatant and openly homophobic people are, as far as I'm concerned, complete idiots, so I can kind of deal with that in a way, but the sniggerers make you feel

I remember an episode of COUPLES Come Dine with Me and there was one lesbian couple. Another straight couple weren't sure if they really were a couple or just friends and was taking bets with their partner. When the women confirmed they were a couple, the woman said something along the lines of "oooooh, I really didn't know!" And her husband was very excited with himself and said " see, I told you so!". Ffs its Couples Come Dine with Me, yet so many people still probably think that this was an innocent, harmless mistake, because how could they possibly know? The majority of people are straight after all [/quote]
My god that's absolutely ridiculous. On COUPLES come dine with me!

I've had all sorts said to me which some people think just doesn't happen anymore.
I was at work once (about 7 years ago)
and a male colleague followed me outside after my shift and was shouting at me I was 'disgusting for choosing this lifestyle' and 'it isn't normal, you should be so ashamed'.
Other members of staff witnessed it and all they said was 'well it's his beliefs, so there's nothing to be done about that'.
It's blatant homophobia!

Yes appreciate people who work in hotels are saying the booking system sometimes messes up or that things arent allocated until late and often arent right however my comment to Archibalds Daddy stands re simply checking details of booking rather than what OP describes which seems more of an insistence that they have a twin. And whilst anecdotal, I stay in hotels all over the country frequently for work and pleasure often with my husband and have never had the sort of comments OP has had. So I dont think it can be explained away by the way booking systems/procedures are

Why must the Receptionist have to try and guess whether or not two women or two men have a sexual relationship

No one has to guess anything. They just have to check people into the room they've booked. If a mistake has been made the customer will soon speak up. Shit happens, mistakes get made, but it's not on for same sex couples to be constantly treated differently. I don't get why people are struggling with this?

As someone in a different sex relationship I have not once had someone ask if I would prefer a twin. Whether I've been checking in on my own or with a male partner

Other members of staff witnessed it and all they said was 'well it's his beliefs, so there's nothing to be done about that'

That is shocking what a vile man.

While it is true you can’t control peoples beliefs surely a line is crossed when they shout abuse? He should have been sacked, end of. If he quietly believed it and kept schtum well that’s a different thing isn’t it.

Yes, I'm really sorry @WakingFromDreams. That really is awful. I had virtually identical things shouted at dw and I. There are some grade A arseholes out there.

The whole "entitled to their beliefs" argument, is absolute bollocks. Yes, of course they're entitled to them, but verbally and aggressively throwing them at you is quite another story.