To be pissed off with hotels always asking if we'd prefer a twin?!

[PunchyMojitos]

Hi,

DW and I go away for the odd night in a hotel. Once every 2 or 3 months I'd say. It's our litte treat and we relish the child free time 🥳 and we get to re connect a bit. Like any other couple...

Anyway, that enjoyment is usually tainted right at the beginning, 9 times out of 10 times, by being asked if we'd prefer a twin room on check in. We're not the stereotypical looking same sex couple I suppose, but still clearly a couple I would say. It's so irritating and actually quite offensive. If we wanted a twin, we'd have booked a twin.

It has even then sometimes led to staff actually asking questions like "so are you guys just friends then?" Or "are you sisters?" We look NOTHING like each other! This last time we were asked, even after we had just declined another twin, if we'd prefer separate bedding! Straight couples just get checked in. Nobody would assume they might actually just be friends or brother and sister and so offer them a twin! They would just give them the key to their room, no questions asked.

I don't think it's usually coming from a place of hate or real homophobia, but this really shouldn't be happening in 2022. We're not that unusual!

Just venting really.

The fact is, as straight people, we don’t experience this kind of subtle homophobic micro aggressions on a daily / frequent basis so it’s easy to say things like “let it wash over you” and tell people to ignore it. And yes, it might not be malicious however think of the millions of examples of misogyny that we as women have to deal with, a lot of that isn’t malicious but we complain about it because it’s not ok.

OP, I do understand it being an annoyance, the only thing I would think to do is feed this back to the hotel every single time it happens in the hopes changes can be made. If it really is to do with “covering” themselves there could easily be other ways around this.

From my experience they usually confirm the room at reception "so it's a double with a pull out bed for 2 nights with breakfast"

To me, as a straight person, that makes no impact other than for me to say "yep, that's right"

Or if I'm with my mum it'll be a twin and they'll say the same thing.

But I can see how it might feel different if they question rather than just confirm. If you wanted a twin you'd say so when they confirmed. You'd say, no that's not right, we booked a twin. As would I.

It's not inclusive, you're right. At the same time I doubt there's any malice intended but better can absolutely be done.

I’ve never experienced this, but then I’d generally book online, where you can specify what you want.

Not long ago I did actually prefer a twin, since we had to spend one night away and I couldn’t find anywhere with a king size bed, and I find an ordinary double impossibly cramped for me and dh now.

If it’s going to be just one or two nights we always go for Premier Inn now, if there is one - at least they’re not too stingy to provide nice big beds.

When I travel with DH we usually get asked on arrival if we want the beds set up as single or double. I think you’re being over very oversensitive.

In Europe in particular hotels seem to set up the beds as twins and seem puzzled if I want them together.

YANBU. I don’t see why they have to ask this at check in - or at the very least they could have one approach that involves saying to every customer “can I confirm your booking details, one double room for x nights…” without have to make assumptions and allowing the likes of friends to make a different request.

How weird for a hotel to question your booking. You go online and tick the type of room you want. Makes you wonder what sort of training they get on Reception asking you to change your mind.
Unless doubles are more popular and if they can get anyone to shift to a twin and free one up it's better for profit.

I used to do same as raspberry muffin suggested upthread. People do quite often book wrong type of room - some people go off on a strop when you take them to the room they've booked and it's not the configuration they wanted. Nothing wrong with a quick confirmation, anything more - rude and intrusive.

Surely the solution for this is for hotel bookings to actually be done more efficiently. Rather than booking "a double or twin room", give two options "a double" or "a twin". Therefore people can book what they need and not need to make any alterations or confirmations on booking in.

YABU. DF and I usually request a twin room when we are on a break together. We have been given a double on several occasions. Each time we just accepted it rather than make a fuss. It has never tainted our enjoyment.
Same thing has happened to my son and a friend. They weren't that bothered either.
You can choose to allow it to upset you, or not.

I worked front desk for 10 years and this is not ok.

"Good afternoon, I have you booked into a room with a double bed, inclusive of breakfast, for two nights. Would you like to book a table for dinner?"

That leaves those who've booked the wrong room type a chance to speak up without actually questioning the guests private life.

You are trying to make it a prejudice thing or a micro-aggression. It's not.

You say that, but I’ve been on the receiving end of this and it almost always comes with some kind of slightly embarrassed, smirky or leering glance from the hotel staff. (And when I’ve been with a man it doesn’t happen, obviously.) But there’s often a slightly intrusive way to how they ask that I can’t explain, but it’s there. Once in France the woman who asked made a big deal out of it and kept giving us smirky looks for the whole remainder of our stay. (Come to think of it, France has been the worst for this - it’s like the really are making a bit of a deal about checking that two women in a relationship and not just sharing.) Whereas the US, Germany, Spain, NL - not quite so much.

Also, in small hotels you often get asked not at the start of the stay but a few days in - as in “ooo, we just want to check, we could remake the bed for you as a twin if you like” — in that case it almost always just seems to be that the hotel staff just want to bring it up somehow, even though presumably if you wanted the beds remade you’d just ask.

Its partly about staff training and a bit of thought from the organisation.

Some hotels instead confirm back the booking at reception, giving you the opportunity to query it. Some wait staff ask how the customers would like the bill presented giving everyone the opportunity to speciy. If some can do it, all can (assuming English as the medium here).

I think it's standard practice for reception staff to check what beds people prefer. I'm straight but when travelling with DH I prefer a twin because of his snoring. I'd actually prefer a separate room a couple of floors apart but that's a bit expensive.

If they are pushing and probing beyond the standard question that's different. We sometimes travel with my DB and his husband and I can remember one very unpleasant hotel owner who was downright hostile when he realised the same-sex couple were in the double bed. His loss - we checked out early and took our money elsewhere.

The fact is, as straight people, we don’t experience this kind of subtle homophobic micro aggressions on a daily / frequent basis so it’s easy to say things like “let it wash over you” and tell people to ignore it. And yes, it might not be malicious however think of the millions of examples of misogyny that we as women have to deal with, a lot of that isn’t malicious but we complain about it because it’s not ok.

Like it or not, straight is still by far and away the most common relationship scenario.

If I as a 56 year old woman were to have a relationship with a 22 year old man (or woman) I would fully expect hotel staff to assume I was his/her mother, not his/her lover. Because in most cases that would be the correct guess. If they didn't make that assumption I'd be delighted, but I wouldn't be furious if they did.

@kittensinthekitchen

Surely the solution for this is for hotel bookings to actually be done more efficiently. Rather than booking "a double or twin room", give two options "a double" or "a twin". Therefore people can book what they need and not need to make any alterations or confirmations on booking in.

Most hotels will release 60% of their doubles to book as confirmed doubles, and the same 60% of their twins as confirmed twins.

Letting the remaining 40% of each room type allows for flexibility on check in.

@kittensinthekitchen

Surely the solution for this is for hotel bookings to actually be done more efficiently. Rather than booking "a double or twin room", give two options "a double" or "a twin". Therefore people can book what they need and not need to make any alterations or confirmations on booking in.

Why are you assuming the OP hasn't booked a double? I don't know if I missed a post but I can't see where she said she'd not booked the right room.

My understanding is that she's booked, but she's always questioned at the desk if it's the right booking - and not in a neutral way, but in a way that implies they expect her to want the twin.

There’s a big difference between “we’ve got you in a double room, is that right?” and “would you prefer a twin?” - the first is a clarification while the second even though a simple question sounds like they’ve made an assumption that your booking is wrong, or you’re either not a couple or one of you talks/kicks/snores…
As a receptionist it’s not your job to assume anything about the guests, just do your best to get them what they want. PP are right, sometimes bookings are made incorrectly, but you sort them out as best you can. We once had a family turn up a whole week early for their stay - husband’s mistake, but we did what we could to get them in. Wife was so cross with him!

I've voted YABU as I think it is fine to ask if you want a twin. However, any further questioning about your relationship is inappropriate IMO.

Asking if someone would prefer a twin is awkward, regardless of who is asked.

Phrasing it as a simple clarifying statement is surely much better? e.g. "So, that's a double room for 3 nights, including breakfast."

This is pretty daft, I’d imagine you’d just be given what you booked. If you’d made a mistake and wanted a twin then you could always go back to reception and ask for one.

It would also surely just be better if they want to check to say ‘your booking is for a standard double room for two nights checking out on the 15th before midday’. And say the same to everyone.

A surprising number of times when out with my best mum friend and our (six!!) kids, people have offered us a family ticket and assumed we're together.

They probably aren't assuming you're together, just assuming you want to avail of the family discount. You don't have to be an actual family to do so, and you can save a lot.

This has provided another definition of first world problem….

@nuancedcloud

Heterosexual couples asked every time too!

Exactly!

You’re not being singled out or discriminated against, try to not let it get to you

Obviously I need to clarify - we had booked a double online. I'm not sure who just rocks up at a hotel reception with a bag without pre booking and you don't book a room at pot look. You always say, either over the phone or online, what room you want.

In straight relationships, I have never had this. I just don't believe that a man and a woman who have booked a double would be asked if they'd prefer a twin. You may request one, but again, that would have already been booked beforehand. Confirmation is absolutely fine. That's not what we experience.

@nuancedcloud, no they're not! I was with men for 15 years before meeting my now DW and this never happened to me once.