To be pissed off with hotels always asking if we'd prefer a twin?!

[PunchyMojitos]

Hi,

DW and I go away for the odd night in a hotel. Once every 2 or 3 months I'd say. It's our litte treat and we relish the child free time 🥳 and we get to re connect a bit. Like any other couple...

Anyway, that enjoyment is usually tainted right at the beginning, 9 times out of 10 times, by being asked if we'd prefer a twin room on check in. We're not the stereotypical looking same sex couple I suppose, but still clearly a couple I would say. It's so irritating and actually quite offensive. If we wanted a twin, we'd have booked a twin.

It has even then sometimes led to staff actually asking questions like "so are you guys just friends then?" Or "are you sisters?" We look NOTHING like each other! This last time we were asked, even after we had just declined another twin, if we'd prefer separate bedding! Straight couples just get checked in. Nobody would assume they might actually just be friends or brother and sister and so offer them a twin! They would just give them the key to their room, no questions asked.

I don't think it's usually coming from a place of hate or real homophobia, but this really shouldn't be happening in 2022. We're not that unusual!

Just venting really.

I always find threads like this a bit frustrating. There's such eagerness to insist that discrimination doesn't exist, it's all in the OP's head. It's gaslighting, isn't it?

@Simonjt

Yep, very familiar with this.

We were asked three times if we wanted to change to a twin room on the first night of our honeymoon, we had booked one of the honeymoon suites!

Ah, I do like the comparison of a vegetarian being offered a sausage roll. Vegetarianism is a choice, it isn’t illegal in 68 countries, it isn’t punishable by death, your existence in the UK has always been legal, your ability to marry has always been legal, your ability to have children has always been legal. You aren’t beaten up or verbally abused in the street for being vegetarian, you aren’t sacked for it, disowned by parents, colleagues and friends.

This speaks volumes!!

I think yabu. I'm straight so haven't had this experience but I am mixed race so I know the frustration of having assumptions made about you and dealing with clumsy stereotypical comments. Rarely is it actually with the intent to cause hurt and I have never let it taint my enjoyment of things. You're the only one that loses out in that situation. You can raise the issue and discuss it like an adult if you feel it's necessary or just shrug it off and focus on enjoying yourself.

@PunchyMojitos Absolutely right, of course if you pre book a Hotel (which the vast majority of people do) then you will have already selected the type of room you want. And in all the times I've stayed at Hotels with my Husband, I have never been asked if I'd prefer a Twin room over the Double I had booked

I can totally imagine this does happen. It’s probably driven by nutters who’ve accidentally booked the wrong room shouting their mouths off and slating places on trip adviser.

This must be very frustrating, poor you.

I still remember the embarrassment I felt 18 years ago when I was 17 and staying in a hotel with my dad, and the reverse happened. We had booked a twin room. They asked if we'd prefer a double.

Surely staff should just confirm your booking - "One room, double bed, breakfast included, is that right?" And then on we all go.

@Simonjt, well said! Exactly this.

To be honest, I’ve never been asked 20 plus years booking in with het partner, weekends away with female friends and now with my same sex partner. Maybe it’s the type of hotels I book! However, the hotel worker at a recent breakfast sitting did need lots of persuading that yes we were sharing a room and were on the same room number and we wanted ti sit at the same table! I did give feedback. Never had that questioned before ever.

I’d feedback where it happens. It’s out of order. You specify when you book scar type of room. If I get there and I’ve made a mistake, I can tell the reception desk and see if I can swap.

@Simonjt I know I mentioned in my previous post about not making assumptions, but I’m assuming you had to deliberately choose somewhere for your honeymoon that wasn’t too backwards conservative. And then still got asked this!

Hmmmm

I can totally see you point, and not trying to minimise.

On the other hand, what if two friends were checking in and would have preferred twins but they didn’t ask in case they offended a couple?

Maybe the answer is to check with everyone checking in which they’d prefer? I know my parents (for example) checking in as a couple would prefer twins, and I’m sure that’s not exclusively older people.

You're being paranoid. This is nothing to do with you and your partner; or just standard good practice in the hospitality trade. I learned never to assume that two guests are a couple; that couples sleep in the same bed, or that the person who made the booking could read/understand English/ was paying attention.

The "separate bedding" question reflects another frequent request by guests who want to share the same bed but with separate duvets.

And yes I know the choice will be on the website but some people make mistakes when booking online

But I totally take your point about it feeling/ being discriminatory

@kittensinthekitchen

I'm intrigued as to how you are presenting as "clearly a couple". Are you dry humping on arrival at reception?

I voted YABU by the way, its a simple question - "no thanks, a double is fine". End of questions?

Maybe they arrive arguing! 😂

@PunchyMojitos & @Broads93. Straight couples do get asked. Opposite sex friends gets asked if we actually wanted a double. Vegetarians get asked if they want the fish. People get asked all manner of annoying questions. You need to knock the chip off your shoulder.

@Darhon

To be honest, I’ve never been asked 20 plus years booking in with het partner, weekends away with female friends and now with my same sex partner. Maybe it’s the type of hotels I book! However, the hotel worker at a recent breakfast sitting did need lots of persuading that yes we were sharing a room and were on the same room number and we wanted ti sit at the same table! I did give feedback. Never had that questioned before ever.

I’d feedback where it happens. It’s out of order. You specify when you book scar type of room. If I get there and I’ve made a mistake, I can tell the reception desk and see if I can swap.

I think covid has made all of this much more visible. I notice a lot that people assume we're not social distancing properly, rather than assuming we're a family. I've been in a few queues lately where someone dashed up to tell us to stand separately or tried to stop one of us following the other into a room.

In a fully booked hotel where you had booked a double but decided at the desk that you actually wanted a twin then they can't move you anyway presumably? Must be something in hotels with capacity that they wish to move guests about to rooms they didn't book.

I really don't see the problem. Lots of couples would prefer a twin to a double (we do). Many hotels have similar numbers of twin rooms and also separable beds. I really don't see a problem with reception asking which you'd prefer as it removes the hassle of having to arrange a room change when you get to your room and find it's double when you want a twin or vice versa.

@PunchyMojitos now I’m wondering if it’s just me and my OH then! Been hotelling together for 20 years and we are often asked and I always wonder why they ask or seem to confirm the bed arrangement when you arrive! And get that momentary angst that we’ll have to sleep in separate beds ! before the receptionist says they’ve definitely got a double bed…

We are an age difference couple but it’s only 10 years so not like a parent / child age difference.

I’m sorry if anyone thought I was gaslighting.
It probably does happen to you more than the average het couple (though clearly not us!) and I’m sure it’s extra frustrating!

Perhaps the question should be phrased: "Would you prefer a double or twin room?", rather than "would you prefer a twin room?" as the latter infers that you probably do want a twin room whereas the former doesn't.

Clarifying you've made the correct booking is a sensible step which should be applied to everyone but the follow up questions are incredibly intrusive and I'd be pissed off about that.

@SarahAndQuack, yep, we got this too and it drove me insane.

Also ... aren't about 1 in 10 people gay? I would have thought a lesbian couple is more likely that two female friends sharing, given that only a minority of women would choose to do that, too.

In my younger days I was a civil servant and then worked for the LA. Both jobs sent me all over the place on courses/conferences and we were commonly expected to share rooms to reduce costs. It was interesting to see the regional differences, in the SE of England we had to ask for twin beds a few times because we'd been assigned a double but in more rural areas and Scotland, we always got given twin beds. All rooms booked through the same procedures.

Outside work, as a bi woman who has shared a lot of hotel rooms with various partners, I've never been asked if I wanted a twin bed but it would absolutely annoy me.

@babouchette

I genuinely cannot understand how being asked a simple question could "taint your enjoyment" of a night away. It's like being a vegetarian and getting offended every time someone offers you a sausage roll. Not a big deal, you graciously but firmly say "no thanks" and move on with your life.

Functionally there is no difference between the hotel staff asking

"you're booked for a double. Are you sure you wouldn't prefer a twin"
and
"You're booked for a double for one night, is that correct?"

As mentioned by someone earlier, often people book the wrong type so it makes sense to clarify. The First option is suggesting an alternative where there is no context to do so. The second is a simple statement of the fact that allows for the customer to go 'oh no we booked the wrong room' or 'yes thanks'

And for the customer - surely people can see how frustrating that would get if you got pushed the more forceful option 1 time and time again? Its effectively profiling the customer

Straight couples do get asked. Opposite sex friends gets asked if we actually wanted a double. Vegetarians get asked if they want the fish. People get asked all manner of annoying questions. You need to knock the chip off your shoulder.

Do they get asked with smirky looks though? I used to travel a lot with one female ex and we were both young and stereotypically feminine (and blonde), and we would get asked all the time with smirks and raised eyebrows and sometimes a kind of leery expression. France was probably the worst for this, as I said upthread, but the U.K. also too. Never been asked if I want a twin when travelling with a male partner at all!

Hilariously, on a completely other topic recently I booked into a hotel where I was travelling with my mum and small daughter and I must have forgotten I had booked an offer package that came with a free bottle of wine. We got to the (family) room to find the double bed covered in a heart made out of literal rose petals and a note enjoining us to have a lovely honeymoon 🤣 DD enjoyed playing with the rose petals though! No idea what they thought at check-in - probably wisely decided not to mention it. The wine was nice though!

I've worked in hotels and it was fairly common for 2 people who'd booked a double to actually want a twin but they hadn't realised the difference (or had misunderstood the online description) - and vice versa. So I'd usually ask was it one bed or two beds that they wanted.

often people book the wrong type

How though? It's not difficult to tick the one you want, how can you get it wrong?