To be pissed off with hotels always asking if we'd prefer a twin?!

[PunchyMojitos]

Hi,

DW and I go away for the odd night in a hotel. Once every 2 or 3 months I'd say. It's our litte treat and we relish the child free time 🥳 and we get to re connect a bit. Like any other couple...

Anyway, that enjoyment is usually tainted right at the beginning, 9 times out of 10 times, by being asked if we'd prefer a twin room on check in. We're not the stereotypical looking same sex couple I suppose, but still clearly a couple I would say. It's so irritating and actually quite offensive. If we wanted a twin, we'd have booked a twin.

It has even then sometimes led to staff actually asking questions like "so are you guys just friends then?" Or "are you sisters?" We look NOTHING like each other! This last time we were asked, even after we had just declined another twin, if we'd prefer separate bedding! Straight couples just get checked in. Nobody would assume they might actually just be friends or brother and sister and so offer them a twin! They would just give them the key to their room, no questions asked.

I don't think it's usually coming from a place of hate or real homophobia, but this really shouldn't be happening in 2022. We're not that unusual!

Just venting really.

OMG yes.

The one that really irritates me is when DP and I go out (usually, these days, with DD so it's particularly obvious we're a couple because she's calling two women mummy). Always when we get the bill they'll say 'so are you paying separately'.

I was married to a bloke for several years; I know I am not making it up when I say they really don't ask you that so often if you're a straight couple.

Like, yes, sure, we might have a very complicated financial agreement despite being co-parents, but come on. Two people share a child, you're probably safe assuming they're going to pay for coffee and cake together.

I'm intrigued as to how you are presenting as "clearly a couple". Are you dry humping on arrival at reception?

I voted YABU by the way, its a simple question - "no thanks, a double is fine". End of questions?

@Mischance

I would let it wash by and just say we want a double please.

As others have said, two same sex friends away together is probably the more common scenario and the receptionist is just making sure that they provide what is required. That is their job.

Gradually the normality of a same sex couple in a double bed will become clear to people, so it will not come as a surprise, but it is early days. Just be proud that you are in the vanguard of social change.

It really isn't early days! Homosexuality was decriminalised in 1968 and civil partnerships became law 20 years ago!

You are definitely not being unreasonable! If you wanted a twin you’d ask.

Straight couples just get checked in. Nobody would assume they might actually just be friends or brother and sister and so offer them a twin! They would just give them the key to their room, no questions asked.

Because in their experience as hotel staff it's highly, highly unusual for a man and a woman who are not in a relationship to choose to share a bedroom. An assumption is made therefore that they are a couple and the number of times this assumption is wrong will be teeny,

Whereas plenty of same sex friends/colleagues/relatives do book shared rooms. So the staff prefer to ask, rather than to make an assumption just by looking at you. They could make the assumption either way and stand a chance of being 50/50 right or wrong.

You are trying to make it a prejudice thing or a micro-aggression. It's not.

This wouldn't bother me to be honest.
On our last trip i noticed my dp had booked a twin room by accident so i called to change to a double and the guy repeated several times 'so you want to change from a twin to a double, as in a double bed'.....yes please was all i kept replying.

He's obviously seeing 2 female names in front of him but what does it matter what our relationship is, i'm a customer requesting a double so book me a double.

I didn't offer an explanation, i would like a double is all he has to know. I dont get bothered by people assuming i have a dh or bf or whatever. If anyone asks about my partner i will tell them otherwise they can assume all they want.

@babouchette

I genuinely cannot understand how being asked a simple question could "taint your enjoyment" of a night away. It's like being a vegetarian and getting offended every time someone offers you a sausage roll. Not a big deal, you graciously but firmly say "no thanks" and move on with your life.

A simple question that is specifically designed to belittle same sex couples. You don't get it, you never will and that's because you're arrogant (and probably straight, which in turn makes your opinion on this invalid anyway). You'll never understand because you don't really want to.

@LibrariesGiveUsPower

They’ve probably had two ladies (friends) sharing rooms before who flipped when they got given a double. The further probing is out of order.

If they ask in future just respond with a big smile “thanks, but my wife’s snoring isn’t that bad, I’d rather still share a bed with her”

Yes, this happened with me and a colleague I barely knew at the time (I was only 1month in at the job). It was so awkward.

But I think they should leave the onus on the guests to request a room change. It was actually our workplace who had booked the double room (🙄) so no error on the hotel's part.

The further probing is definitely out of order and unprofessional!

Also ... aren't about 1 in 10 people gay? I would have thought a lesbian couple is more likely that two female friends sharing, given that only a minority of women would choose to do that, too.

@raspberrymuffin

I can guess they're looking to not be shouted at by friends or sisters who would be upset at the assumption they're a couple but there are better ways to clarify the booking - "I've got you down for a double for 3 nights, is that right?" for example gives any non-couples the opportunity to say it should be a twin without you having to explain yourselves.

Yes asking in this way would be fine I think!

They likely get a lot of female friends sharing. I can't see the issue with you saying 'no, thank you' and moving on. You're making a mountain out of a molehill. It's not like they're asking it in a malicious or homophobic way.

You are definitely not being unreasonable! If you wanted a twin you’d ask.

Sometimes if you've booked via a third party online site you may not get the option if it's a discounted room you are offered a limited range of choices. Upon arrival, if they know you booked last minute or heavily discounted they may just be making you aware that a twin is available should you have wanted that all along.

I can see that would get tedious. Unfortunately I think people still have a default assumption that couples are male-female (outdated as that is).

I suppose a hearty "It's quite alright, we're married!" would resolve the issue, but you're right, you shouldn't have to.

I understand where you are coming from, but I work in a hotel and the amount of people who accidently book a double room when they want a twin and then complain when there are no twin rooms left is ridiculous, so they are just covering themselves. The rest of it is none of their buisness.

Wait, you can get a hotel room with a double bed but separate bedding? We don't share duvets at home and I hate having to share in a hotel.

@kittensinthekitchen

I'm intrigued as to how you are presenting as "clearly a couple". Are you dry humping on arrival at reception?

I voted YABU by the way, its a simple question - "no thanks, a double is fine". End of questions?

But it's not the end of questions is it - because OP has clearly stated people then start question their relationship.

I can honestly say I've never been for a night away with DP where staff have questioned if we're siblings or friends.

You’re not being unreasonable!
You booked what you booked, and if you wanted a change you’d ask for one.
It’s up to people who want twins/separate bedding to request it.

I actually was placed in a double bed room with my best friend by accident (the booking said twin room) when we went to a concert, but we just shrugged and slept in the same bed.

You don't get it, you never will and that's because you're arrogant (and probably straight, which in turn makes your opinion on this invalid anyway).

That's a ridiculous thing to say. I missed the rule in the OP that said "only gay people can have an opinion on this thread"...

Many straight people can sympathise with the issue here.

.. look them straight (!) in the eye and say ' we are childfree this weekend so we will definitely need a double bed'...

It's just numbers. Cafe and hotel workers don't care about your relationship, they've not thought about it that deeply, they are just making sure you have the right room / bill.

A surprising number of times when out with my best mum friend and our (six!!) kids, people have offered us a family ticket and assumed we're together. That's the demographic round here. When out with dad friends we also get assumed as couple. Mostly small businesses and baby classes.

They shouldn't be asking you further questions after you specify though. That's just rude. But most staff are just trying to make sure you get what you wanted.

Yep, very familiar with this.

We were asked three times if we wanted to change to a twin room on the first night of our honeymoon, we had booked one of the honeymoon suites!

Ah, I do like the comparison of a vegetarian being offered a sausage roll. Vegetarianism is a choice, it isn’t illegal in 68 countries, it isn’t punishable by death, your existence in the UK has always been legal, your ability to marry has always been legal, your ability to have children has always been legal. You aren’t beaten up or verbally abused in the street for being vegetarian, you aren’t sacked for it, disowned by parents, colleagues and friends.

I'm surprised over 30% of people think YABU, of course you're not, you booked a double, it's intrusive of the staff to question that

YANBU. I would find this exhausting and frustrating. If you booked a double, you booked a double. And shouldn't ever have to justify it or explain it.

Wouldnt bother me. Bigger problems in the world tbh. (never had a chance to go away in a hotel when we had young kids, now that irritates me )

Wow, I'm slightly depressed how many people think this is ok.

I already said, I don't think they're being malicious, but that doesn't mean that it's ok or that they shouldn't educate themselves. The numbers/stats don't matter, but actually, as a pp has already said, same sex relationships are really not particularly unusual anymore. As other have said, a simple "I have you in a double, is that right?" would be perfectly acceptable.

The poster who compared this to a vegetarian being offered meat, really doesn't have a clue.