To be pissed off with hotels always asking if we'd prefer a twin?!

[PunchyMojitos]

Hi,

DW and I go away for the odd night in a hotel. Once every 2 or 3 months I'd say. It's our litte treat and we relish the child free time 🥳 and we get to re connect a bit. Like any other couple...

Anyway, that enjoyment is usually tainted right at the beginning, 9 times out of 10 times, by being asked if we'd prefer a twin room on check in. We're not the stereotypical looking same sex couple I suppose, but still clearly a couple I would say. It's so irritating and actually quite offensive. If we wanted a twin, we'd have booked a twin.

It has even then sometimes led to staff actually asking questions like "so are you guys just friends then?" Or "are you sisters?" We look NOTHING like each other! This last time we were asked, even after we had just declined another twin, if we'd prefer separate bedding! Straight couples just get checked in. Nobody would assume they might actually just be friends or brother and sister and so offer them a twin! They would just give them the key to their room, no questions asked.

I don't think it's usually coming from a place of hate or real homophobia, but this really shouldn't be happening in 2022. We're not that unusual!

Just venting really.

@BuffyFanForever

My Wife and I get this every single time! Winds me up no end! To the posters saying “how could you be offended” are you asked that question on EVERY SINGLE trip you take?

Each and every hotel cannot possibly know that you have been asked it previously (many times.)

It is a bit odd though, that they keep asking 'do you want a twin room?' when you have clearly booked a double. So I do think YANBU to be annoyed if this happens. Maybe it's worth complaining every time it happens (in writing.) Hopefully it will stop happening.

I just find unbelievable that in 2021 in the UK, hotels's check in are going to be assuming anything about the people sharing the room.
Rooms are booked in a person's name and it's that person who does the check in - the partner, friend, sibling, parent, child etc doesn't even have to be there for the check in or give identification of any kind.

@PurpleRainlnTheSky,

"Most people are hetero, and this is why it's assumed you are both mates, or sisters. I doubt there is any homophobia involved."

I know this is why, but that doesn't mean that it's ok. Just because we are in a minority, it absolutely shouldn't mean that people don't educate themselves and their staff.

[quote PurpleRainlnTheSky]@BuffyFanForever

My Wife and I get this every single time! Winds me up no end! To the posters saying “how could you be offended” are you asked that question on EVERY SINGLE trip you take?

Each and every hotel cannot possibly know that you have been asked it previously (many times.)

It is a bit odd though, that they keep asking 'do you want a twin room?' when you have clearly booked a double. So I do think YANBU to be annoyed if this happens. Maybe it's worth complaining every time it happens (in writing.) Hopefully it will stop happening.[/quote]
'A bit odd'?

Honestly, don't you find it exhausting pretending to be so naive?

I’m in a straight marriage. Never get asked this. The thing about prejudice that’s often worse than the prejudice itself is those not experiencing it insisting it’s not happening.
Any racism I experience is always a figment of my imagination as far as white people are concerned.

OP it doesn’t happen to me and if it did it would piss me off.
As for the probing questions...aahhhh I’m angry for you. Disgusting.

@Sunbird24

Long time since I was a hotel receptionist but standard practice for us back then when checking anyone in was to confirm the booking details so say “we’ve got you in a (whatever type of) room for x nights, is that right?” Certainly wouldn’t be offering them a change unless they said that was wrong!

This is standard today in hotels that I have stayed in .

@babouchette

I genuinely cannot understand how being asked a simple question could "taint your enjoyment" of a night away. It's like being a vegetarian and getting offended every time someone offers you a sausage roll. Not a big deal, you graciously but firmly say "no thanks" and move on with your life.

If it happens once maybe, but if happens most times it would get annoying

It’s a microagression, as are many of the posts on this thread.
The majority of MN seem to think that people should be grateful to be tolerated, have legal and marriage rights, and be told ‘nobody cares about that these days’. They don’t want you to actually be treated as if you are “normal”.

@babouchette

I genuinely cannot understand how being asked a simple question could "taint your enjoyment" of a night away. It's like being a vegetarian and getting offended every time someone offers you a sausage roll. Not a big deal, you graciously but firmly say "no thanks" and move on with your life.

It gets very grating constantly being reminded that people will assume anything - siblings, business partners, overly friendly comedy double act sharing a room to save money - than the very pedestrian 'in a relationship'.

Imagine if you and your husband were asked if you were siblings everywhere you went - would that not piss you off?

I can see it would be problematic. What’s weird though, is whenever I’m travelling with my sister (we look nothing alike) we’re usually given a double!

That must be so annoying! Im really jel that you go away every few months.

Long time since I was a hotel receptionist but standard practice for us back then when checking anyone in was to confirm the booking details so say “we’ve got you in a (whatever type of) room for x nights, is that right?”
Certainly wouldn’t be offering them a change unless they said that was wrong!

This is standard today in hotels that I have stayed in.

Same here, both as a visitor and when I worked in hotels.

I think there is an issue with hotel bookings and the specification of double/twin. It often seems to be an issue whether you are opposite or same sex travellers.

I have started specifically adding it to the notes when making online bookings which seems to help rather than ticking a box.

So hotels aren't being unreasonable to check which configuration of beds you would prefer, especially if they can accommodate either.

They are being unreasonable to do more than check the booking is correct or asking which you would prefer. They shouldn't be questioning further or badgering.

I know my uncles used to go to great lengths to explain that they absolutely did not want a double bed and it needed to be a twin but would often be faced with a double bed, bizarrely this was even in the sort of places that back in those days would have been horrified by two men wanting to share a bed!

I have had the same when travelling with a female friend, and once in Italy a hotel proprietor trying to persuade us that we did want the double really!!

It absolutely isn't acceptable to question the clients choice. Just check the booking by reading it all back, or say "we can accommodate a double or a twin, which would you prefer?"

I am one of the heterosexual women who often travels with another female friend. I always call in advance to the hotel to ensure they give us a twin. It is not big deal, just part of the holiday preparation. However, I actually had just the opposite in London recently. We booked a twin and on arrival, the receptionist assumed we were a couple and asked with half a smirk on her face if we were sure we didn't want a double. It was kind of odd, but it certainly didn't spoil my night! :-)

We booked a twin and on arrival, the receptionist assumed we were a couple and asked with half a smirk on her face if we were sure we didn't want a double. It was kind of odd, but it certainly didn't spoil my night! :-)

I don’t think it is the opposite because the smirking is surely homophobic? If it was meant to be a joke it wasn’t very funny was it?

I’m straight and have been asked if we want a double or twin . As have my parents. I’m not sure that it is becouse you are a same sex couple that you are being offered this. Are you sure that’s what’s going on?

@MimosaFields

I am one of the heterosexual women who often travels with another female friend. I always call in advance to the hotel to ensure they give us a twin. It is not big deal, just part of the holiday preparation. However, I actually had just the opposite in London recently. We booked a twin and on arrival, the receptionist assumed we were a couple and asked with half a smirk on her face if we were sure we didn't want a double. It was kind of odd, but it certainly didn't spoil my night! :-)

Not sure if you meant for it to come off that way, but you're describing the exact opposite of what OP is experiencing and it comes off as very invalidating. Straight friends being mistaken for a couple is obviously not the same thing as a gay couple being constantly mistaken for friends.

@babouchette

I genuinely cannot understand how being asked a simple question could "taint your enjoyment" of a night away. It's like being a vegetarian and getting offended every time someone offers you a sausage roll. Not a big deal, you graciously but firmly say "no thanks" and move on with your life.

Actually, as a vegetarian, if I had ordered a vegetarian meal and then it was 'checked' on every occasion that I didn't want a meat sausage role it would start to get frustrating. Not the first time, no, but in time yes.

Oh and we do sometimes actually get the smirk, raised eyebrows when we decline their offer of a twin.

I remember a few years ago, we unusually managed to get booked into a double without any questions, quickly dropped off our bags and went straight downstairs for a drink in the bar. When we went back up we noticed our bedding had been switched to two singles. The manager explained that he saw us and wanted to "quickly rectify" before we went back up. When we asked him to change it back, his face was a picture. His eyebrows nearly fell off the top of his head! He then spent the night leering at us from the bar.

At work once, someone providing a service for us asked for a double room that she would share with a colleague. Luckily, I knew a friend of hers and was able to enquire quietly whether it was likely these two were in a relationship as well as colleagues and really wanted a double or it was a miscommunication. I got confirmation that they definitely were not together and booked a twin. So I don't blame people for double checking.

@JesusMaryAndJosephAndTheWeeDon

I think there is an issue with hotel bookings and the specification of double/twin. It often seems to be an issue whether you are opposite or same sex travellers.

I have started specifically adding it to the notes when making online bookings which seems to help rather than ticking a box.

So hotels aren't being unreasonable to check which configuration of beds you would prefer, especially if they can accommodate either.

They are being unreasonable to do more than check the booking is correct or asking which you would prefer. They shouldn't be questioning further or badgering.

I know my uncles used to go to great lengths to explain that they absolutely did not want a double bed and it needed to be a twin but would often be faced with a double bed, bizarrely this was even in the sort of places that back in those days would have been horrified by two men wanting to share a bed!

I have had the same when travelling with a female friend, and once in Italy a hotel proprietor trying to persuade us that we did want the double really!!

It absolutely isn't acceptable to question the clients choice. Just check the booking by reading it all back, or say "we can accommodate a double or a twin, which would you prefer?"

Most twin share rooms in hotels these days are either queen/king beds. There are specifications if you want 2 doubles in a room but most hotels can't guarantee it as they have few rooms with them.

My best friend and I usually book a hotel room 3-4 times a year. Both of us live outside Sydney, me in Blue Mountains, her in Gosford. If we want to have dinner and a few drinks we can't drive back which is so nice and easy to book a hotel room. Whoever books, gives the credit card and checks in often waiting in the room until the other one arrives. We are females, been doing this for a few years and nobody cares about our relationship. The only thing we care about is getting separate beds in the room which is not easy.

It's the reason I find the OP post so incredible this could be happening in the UK in 2022.

"I used to be surprised by the number of people who don't know the difference between a double and a twin, although fair enough if their English isn't great. It doesn't help if some hotel websites or Booking have pictures of a generic room which doesn't match the choice. Eg it shows a twin but you can choose a double on the booking."

It's a minefield. Lots of hotels don't have single rooms, but they still have a single occupancy price for a room with a double bed that may be smaller than a double room with a double bed.
I've even stayed in a room that was a twin, but with two double sized beds. What would you call that?
I would imagine it happens quite often that people needing a twin get put in a double.

[quote PunchyMojitos]@PurpleRainlnTheSky,

"Most people are hetero, and this is why it's assumed you are both mates, or sisters. I doubt there is any homophobia involved."

I know this is why, but that doesn't mean that it's ok. Just because we are in a minority, it absolutely shouldn't mean that people don't educate themselves and their staff.[/quote]
I think you should write a polite email outlining what you were asked, how it made you feel and how they might better phrase the enquiry in future.
They can’t improve things if they don’t know there’s a problem.

"Gemma Collins didn't even know what a twin room was on the Wheel the other week! She thought it had one single
bed in it!"

Well Americans call a single bed a twin so I can see how that misunderstanding happens.

This should just be part of the confirmation spiel, eg, "You've booked a room with double bed for tonight and tomorrow, with breakfast included. Is that all correct?"