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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's unacceptable to sleep till 12.30 pm when you have a child?

184 replies

flowersinherhairinjune · 09/01/2022 12:46

My daughter is 8 - she goes to her dads every second weekend and once in the week every second week.

I'm just off FaceTime to her and her dad was still sleeping! She said she got up at 9 am and made her own breakfast and that her dad has been in bed saying '10 more minutes' since then.

It's now 12.30 pm, she is dressed, hair and teeth brushed and he's still lying in his bed. This has happened before but only till about 11 am, never the middle of the afternoon. Daughter doesn't seem too bothered.

Granted over the Christmas holidays there was a few times when I said 'okay I've left breakfast stuff out, help yourself so I can have a little lie in' but that was till around 10 am tops and that was after a busy festive period.

AIBU to think it is unacceptable to be sleeping till that time when he has his daughter? Maybe I'm being sensitive so I want to be sure before I say anything to him. I could understand more if he had her full time but surely on the days you have your child you'd want to spend time with her rather than sleeping?

Must say, it's nothing to do with alcohol or drugs, he doesn't drink or take drugs.

OP posts:
WorriedGiraffe · 09/01/2022 12:48

If it’s a one off until this time then I wouldn’t make a fuss about it. But I agree it’s not on when he should be spending time with her.

dreamingbohemian · 09/01/2022 12:51

If you're no longer together, how can you be sure he doesn't drink or take drugs? I don't think it's that common to sleep that late unless you're sleeping something off.

YANBU

Mrsjayy · 09/01/2022 12:52

12.30 is late but you said you had lie ins over Christmas so she was on her own then, say to him see what he says.

Latticeallure88 · 09/01/2022 12:54

YANBU! It's not very disrespectful towards your dd and slack parenting if you ask me (unless there is a back story and he's ill or been working back to back shifts or something).

Hankunamatata · 09/01/2022 12:55

It a bit sucky since he only has her every 2nd weekend

SirChenjins · 09/01/2022 12:55

YANBU - does he not want to make the most of his limited time with her? Lazy git.

Wotagain · 09/01/2022 12:55

Has he got the omicron variant? My adult DS has it and he’s sleeping 14 hours solid at the moment and still wakes up tired.

Wotagain · 09/01/2022 12:56

No kids to look after though

toomuchlaundry · 09/01/2022 12:57

When he has so little time with her it is a bit off. Won’t be many years before she will want to spend more time with her friends so he may regret the little quality time he spent with her

TheCatShatInTheHat · 09/01/2022 12:58

You have no say or control of what he does when he has his daughter.

User2638483 · 09/01/2022 13:00

It’s a bit shit but I think she’s old enough to say to him about it if it makes her unhappy. It seems like she’s basically safe. He might just find she wants to stop going in the end if he can’t be bothered to spend time with her though.

Arethechildreninbedyet · 09/01/2022 13:01

That’s genuinely awful.

I would ring him/go and pick her up, bollocks to it’s nothing to do with you, it’s everything to do with you.

Original poster
flowersinherhairinjune · 09/01/2022 13:01

@Wotagain

No kids to look after though
What?
OP posts:
FourTeaFallOut · 09/01/2022 13:02

I was going to say does he have covid? I might still be asleep in my bed if my 8yo didn't make that a futile option.

Lipity · 09/01/2022 13:03

All those saying “go get her, it’s not acceptable”

It’s literally nothing to do with the mum. Nothing. DD is in no harm, she’s fed and washed, what her dad does or doesn’t do whilst they are together is nobody’s business but theirs.

Some of you don’t co-parent and it shows

MrsKDB · 09/01/2022 13:04

That’s awful. Your poor daughter. 😥

RedHelenB · 09/01/2022 13:07

If daughter's not bothered I wouldn't waste headspace on it

PlanktonsComputerWife · 09/01/2022 13:07

I would assume this sort of thing is why he's an ex!

It's a bit shit for your kid that he can't move himself, but it's good she's not bothered. Hopefully they'll have a nice time when he does deign to get up.

Pegasussnail · 09/01/2022 13:08

That's awful. I have a 7 and 8 year old and get up at the very latest 8.30.
Granted I might make myself tea and sit up with the blankets.

She's going to feel a bit rejected I'm sure. But I don't think you have much say really? When it is his choice and his weekend

tcjotm · 09/01/2022 13:10

It’s pretty shit for her. My dad liked to work all night (IT, from home) and then he’d sleep really late. We wanted him to wake up and spend time with us. It was very boring. Especially when you’re a kid and waking up fairly early.

To his credit when we walked in and said “daddy, there’s smoke coming out of the TV” (there was) he got up REALLY fast. So it wasn’t a safety issue.

I don’t see what you can do though. She sounds very capable and not in danger. But if she finds visiting him super boring it’s going to come back to bite him.

PurpleCarpets · 09/01/2022 13:11

How you each parent is up to you.

JurgensCakeBabyJesus · 09/01/2022 13:17

I think it's really sad that he gets such limited time with her and wants to spend so much of it in bed ignoring her. If he doesn't want to see her in the mornings what's the point in her staying there?

RedCandyApple · 09/01/2022 13:20

It’s fine, not ideal but not “go get her now” territory either, she’s 8 not 2. She could have woken him if there was any problems.

JacquelineCarlyle · 09/01/2022 13:25

He sounds like a pretty crap dad but she's not in any danger and doesn't seem distressed so no need for you to get involved. How each of you parent when you have her is your own business (assuming no abuse, DC being fed etc obviously)

Original poster
flowersinherhairinjune · 09/01/2022 13:26

@dreamingbohemian

If you're no longer together, how can you be sure he doesn't drink or take drugs? I don't think it's that common to sleep that late unless you're sleeping something off.

YANBU

I mean I obviously can't be 100 percent certain but for all the time I was with him (12 years) he never touched alcohol or drugs. His dad was an alcoholic who made his family life miserable growing up so he's always steered clear. I doubt at 40 he has suddenly decided to start drinking and taking drugs (although unlikely not impossible). He also works a lot and has lots of healthy hobbies so I just don't see it, also haven't noticed any changes in his behaviour or anything so I just don't think it's that.
OP posts: