Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's unacceptable to sleep till 12.30 pm when you have a child?

184 replies

flowersinherhairinjune · 09/01/2022 12:46

My daughter is 8 - she goes to her dads every second weekend and once in the week every second week.

I'm just off FaceTime to her and her dad was still sleeping! She said she got up at 9 am and made her own breakfast and that her dad has been in bed saying '10 more minutes' since then.

It's now 12.30 pm, she is dressed, hair and teeth brushed and he's still lying in his bed. This has happened before but only till about 11 am, never the middle of the afternoon. Daughter doesn't seem too bothered.

Granted over the Christmas holidays there was a few times when I said 'okay I've left breakfast stuff out, help yourself so I can have a little lie in' but that was till around 10 am tops and that was after a busy festive period.

AIBU to think it is unacceptable to be sleeping till that time when he has his daughter? Maybe I'm being sensitive so I want to be sure before I say anything to him. I could understand more if he had her full time but surely on the days you have your child you'd want to spend time with her rather than sleeping?

Must say, it's nothing to do with alcohol or drugs, he doesn't drink or take drugs.

OP posts:
KylieKoKo · 10/01/2022 01:55

Exactly which is why I think he's probably unwell.

Veeveeoxox · 10/01/2022 01:57

Does he shift work? I've been known to sleep until 12:30 Grin my ,8 year old DD often sleeps in til 10:30 - 11 at weekends. We are just lazy bones.

Marvellousmadness · 10/01/2022 01:58

"She fed herself?"
You say it like that is a big thing
She is 8. Id hope she can make her own food :)

If he has this behaviour every time she is there it would be sucky for her. But as a 1 off? Meh. She is 8 she can watch TV or play computer games or something. Or... just get her dad out of bed herself:)

Houseofvelour · 10/01/2022 02:00

He sounds like a teenager, not a man in his 40s.

Would it be worth having a chat with him about it? She shouldn't have to sit by herself for 4 hours while he's lying in his pit.
And what kind of adult takes their child to the park to throw eggs at a wall?
He honestly sounds like a 15 year old.

PyongyangKipperbang · 10/01/2022 02:01

When I was working 65/70 hour weeks I would get up on my one day off, drive DD to school in my PJ's (bought specifically because they looked like a track suit) went home and back to bed until 3. Then I did the school run, dinner having been prepped that morning at about 2am when I had just got in from work, and napped until 6 when I served dinner.

I was exhausted. I wanted to spend time with the kids I really did, but I was just too tired. Thankfully covid released me from that industry and I now see what it was doing to me, but at the time I felt I couldnt leave as we needed the money. Turns out that the kids needed me more than we needed extra money we had no time to spend.

Exhaustion or insomnia is the most likely explaination, maybe you should ask him in a "are things ok" kind of way, and offering that DD goes for the day rather than over night for a few weeks.

expat101 · 10/01/2022 02:15

The egging bit is strange for a grown man though...

IndigoToo · 10/01/2022 02:34

Why on earth would an adult take a child to throw eggs at a wall? I doubt he will clean it up - and that is just feral.

sashh · 10/01/2022 03:04

I think your DD needs to have a musical instrument that she has to practice, maybe a recorder?

FurryAntiWaxer · 10/01/2022 03:04

The egging is way worse than the sleeping in. Is that even technically legal (littering, vandalism)? Surely someone said something What does your DD think of it?

JimCarreysMask · 10/01/2022 03:08

Well it’s not great but if you think she’s old enough that you can leave her to get her own breakfast etc so you can have a lie in then so can he. Your daughter is just bored. That’s not a reason to create drama. Courts would surely tell you to butt out of you complained about it. Its good that people have ‘high standards’ for their kids, genuinely, but you choose to have a child with a man, then split, you can’t dictate your ‘standards’ on their time with the child. It doesn’t work like that. Unless it’s a safety issue in some way. You would just be creating a hostile atmosphere. OP I’m referring to what others have said here not you. I think it’s a shame that a man who has pretty standard custody arrangements is being called a ‘largely absent’ father. Is that the same for anyone who doesn’t get 50/50?

SpindleyCrow · 10/01/2022 04:07

The throwing eggs stuff is weird.

preperri · 10/01/2022 04:41

She is 8 years old! She needs constant supervision. Too young to handle a lot of situations if something were to go wrong. What if something happened because of this?! Presumably there isn't another adult in the house? In which case, this is absoloutely unacceptable.

Don't get me wrong we all need our sleep. But he needs to sort his life out so that during his time with his daughter he isn't asleep at unreasonable times.

Veeveeoxox · 10/01/2022 05:16

@preperri

She is 8 years old! She needs constant supervision. Too young to handle a lot of situations if something were to go wrong. What if something happened because of this?! Presumably there isn't another adult in the house? In which case, this is absoloutely unacceptable.

Don't get me wrong we all need our sleep. But he needs to sort his life out so that during his time with his daughter he isn't asleep at unreasonable times.

It depends on the maturity of the child. My 8 year old does not need constant supervision in my line of sight at home . I wouldn't leave her in the house alone or anything but I leave her to her own devices while I sometimes do work assignments . My 8 year old goes to the village park across the road from our house with her friend. She can prepare simple meals , use the toaster and microwave (she's not allowed to use the oven or hob ) she wanted to learn to do this so I taught her.

It isn't good if dad does that on a regular basis as he's missing out on contact hours but no my 8 year old doesn't require constant supervision at home.

HugeAckmansWife · 10/01/2022 07:30

Still massive hyperbole both ways here. An 8 year old does not need constant supervision. An hour or two alone because the parent who is there 95% of the time is having a lie in is fine. A parent who only sees their child 4 overnights a month sleeping the whole morning away and procrastinating with 'ten more minutes' rather than 'sorry dd, I'm really not feeling well / was working til 2am (not likely as the op doesn't mention at step parent at the home) is not ideal at all. No the courts won't be interested, no the op probably shouldn't say anything if it is a one off but so many comments on here are putting scenarios in place on both sides that simply aren't there.

Rewis · 10/01/2022 08:22

Are we thinking that him sleeping till 12.30 is odd (and other terms used here) because it's his contact time or because he is an adult? Asking for a friend...

SirChenjins · 10/01/2022 08:30

Both.

Longcovid21 · 10/01/2022 09:55

Egging? How bizarre. He sounds deranged. Was he like this when you were with him?

Pugroll · 10/01/2022 09:59

@Rewis

Are we thinking that him sleeping till 12.30 is odd (and other terms used here) because it's his contact time or because he is an adult? Asking for a friend...
Personally I find it weird because it's his (limited) contact time.
DaveGrohl · 10/01/2022 09:59

Egging sounds utterly mad. And wasteful. And disgusting (attracting rats etc). Sounds like things aren’t quite right with your ex.

Original poster
flowersinherhairinjune · 10/01/2022 10:01

@Marvellousmadness

"She fed herself?" You say it like that is a big thing She is 8. Id hope she can make her own food :)

If he has this behaviour every time she is there it would be sucky for her. But as a 1 off? Meh. She is 8 she can watch TV or play computer games or something. Or... just get her dad out of bed herself:)

You sound delightful Smile
OP posts:
2DogsOnMySofa · 10/01/2022 10:04

It's just shitty all round. We all need a lie in now and again but if he's only seeing her eow then he has his free weekends to lie in. Your poor dd much be bored shitless, she's also getting no time with her Dad and that's the whole point of contact. Not to mention I don't think an 8 year old should be looking after themselves for an entire morning.

pumpkinpie01 · 10/01/2022 10:04

It's lazy parenting , well actually complete lack of parenting . My ex was like this it was sad to see the lack of effort he made with our dd, she is 20 now and they have not had a good relationship for a long time , all his own doing .

appleturnovers · 10/01/2022 10:05

Both my parents used to sleep that late at weekends (and they lived in separate houses), and it never bothered us. And now, as an adult, I would happily do the same if I didn't have a baby. I think some people's body clocks are just wired that way. If your daughter's not bothered then you've no reason to be either. As long as he's not harming her, you can't micromanage your ex's behaviour in his own home, even if you don't think he's being the perfect parent, so what? It's not your job to mould him into one.

Hemingwayscatz · 10/01/2022 10:09

He sounds like a shit Dad.

My 9 year old has been getting her own breakfast and dressing herself for around 3 years now so I wouldn’t have an issue with that. The main problem is the fact he barely sees her so should be making the most of their time together, not staying in bed till midday. Lazy twat.

pumpkinpie01 · 10/01/2022 10:14

@Hemingwayscatz completely agree with you , what a waste of contact time sleeping it away