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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

My sister kicked us out of the kitchen

246 replies

user772263 · 08/01/2022 18:30

Hi everyone. I’m 22 and currently living at home whilst in my first year of law school.

I’m really struggling with my sister, who is 16.

She’s studying for her GCSEs and has claimed the kitchen as her study spot despite having a desk in her room, and demands quiet and/or everyone out of the kitchen.

She is typically revising from 3-5 hours per day and gives herself one day off per week. So basically, 6 days a week, the kitchen is off limits for an average of 4 hours at a time.

Next to the kitchen is a dining room where my Mum works. I’ve sat in there with her to study from time to time, but my sister plays her music while revising and refuses to listen through headphones, so it’s tricky to get stuck into reading cases with Ed Sheeran and Justin Bieber playing in the background.

So, this leaves me with no table to sit at to revise, and I’ve ended up sitting on my bedroom floor. I had a 2 hour exam yesterday and did it from my bedroom floor because my sister won’t listen to her music through headphones, or study from the desk in her bedroom.

I’m also struggling with the fact that she uses ‘revising’ as a cop out for doing literally anything and everything around the house. She eats breakfast and leaves her dishes and snack bar wrappers on the side, claiming that she’s too busy revising to put them away. The other day she’d cooked herself some pasta and had left grated cheese all over the counter which she again claimed she was ‘too busy’ to clean up.

She’s got a metre long pile of clothes, books, etc stacked up outside her room that she can’t be bothered to put away, and she literally came downstairs the other day saying that she couldn’t find her jodhpurs, only to find that they’d been put away in her dresser. Turns out, she hadn’t even thought to look through her drawers because her clothes are scattered all over the floor.

Basically, I’m really struggling. My parents refuse to bring things up with her because she’s only got 2.5 years left living at home and they don’t want to cause an argument, but we’ve literally gone from a house with rules to a house where it’s a free for all. I honestly cannot recall a time in the last 6 months that she was reprimanded for something or told to do something for herself.

She had an eight person party for New Year’s Eve and the following morning, she napped while my parents and I cleaned the kitchen and living room.

Ok. Rant over. Advice please!!

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 08/01/2022 18:32

Move out?

SilverOtter · 08/01/2022 18:32

Use her desk?

PotteringAlong · 08/01/2022 18:33

Advice? It’s not your house, it’s your parents house. And if they don’t have a problem with it then at 22 your options are to put up with it or move out.

Zonder · 08/01/2022 18:33

Wow you have a parent problem. Why won't they stand up to her?

NerrSnerr · 08/01/2022 18:33

Life is too short. Move into student accommodation or a house share. Not as cheap as living at home and you may need a part time job but it'll be your own place.

Whatonearth07957 · 08/01/2022 18:34

She's a CF ...Do you not have a desk/ any space?

Blueroses99 · 08/01/2022 18:34

Use the desk in your sisters room? After all she isn’t using it.

user772263 · 08/01/2022 18:34

I should also add that she occasionally asks me to drive her places which I do from time to time, but the other day I’d just taken my dinner out of the oven and she couldn’t understand why I could drive her where she wanted to go then and there and heat my dinner up when I got back.

When my parents got back, it was determined that I was ‘mean’ for not driving her when she’d demanded.

A few weeks ago my parents were due to go out for dinner and she asked them, in 100% seriousness, to arrive at their dinner late and leave early so that they could take her riding before they left and again the following morning. There was no sense at all from her side that her request was at all selfish or unreasonable. It was 110% serious.

OP posts:
Peoplearetwats · 08/01/2022 18:35

Use the desk in her room? Move out? Teenagers are a pain in the arse

user772263 · 08/01/2022 18:36

I did have a desk but it was given to my other sister six weeks after it was gifted to me for Christmas, so I don’t have access to that either

OP posts:
RampantIvy · 08/01/2022 18:36

Why aren't you in student accommodation or using the university library?

NerrSnerr · 08/01/2022 18:36

You can't control your sister's behaviour or your parent's reaction to her behaviour but you can control where you live.

user772263 · 08/01/2022 18:37

I’m studying with BPP who don’t offer student accommodation, and I usually do study in the library but the commute is 4 hours round trip to BPP so I only go in two days a week. It’s also been closed since mid December for Christmas and reopens after our exams this week and next.

OP posts:
Tooshytoshine · 08/01/2022 18:37

Sorry, I am in the move out camp.

I don't know where you live and whether this is feasible but you are 22 and she is 16. As you said, your parents expect her to move out within 2.5 years... Well you do the math!

A room in a house with others in their twenties will be infinitely more expensive and aggravating, but also a lot more fun...

thewhatsit · 08/01/2022 18:38

That sounds like a really tough situation. If I were your parents I’d say that you have use of her desk if she’s not using it. Is there a reason she has a desk and you don’t? Can you buy a cheap one or move hers into your room?

Can you afford to move out? Most students do live outside of their family home in my experience anyway, but maybe you didn’t apply for the loans for that? Can you apply now?

JazzHandsYeah · 08/01/2022 18:38

Well surely you can use the desk your sister has in her room. Either way, it’s your parents you need to address this with. Or move out.

user772263 · 08/01/2022 18:39

I’m moving into a flat in mid March! But my term ends in April so not overly helpful for the revision issue sadly

OP posts:
Pinkchocolate · 08/01/2022 18:40

Your sister needs a reality check but it’s not your place, it’s your parents. If your parents were dealing with this then you wouldn’t have to. The next time she asks you for a lift say no because you’re taking the opportunity to have a quiet home and space. Apart from moving out I don’t know that there’s much you can do. Your parents will live to regret letting her get away with being so demanding.

AnneLovesGilbert · 08/01/2022 18:40

Your parents are being ridiculous. And doing so on the basis that she’ll be gone in 2.5 years is daft. You’re still there!

You’ve all got a very dysfunctional dynamic going on. It won’t improve. You have to move out.

theNumbersStation · 08/01/2022 18:41

CF.

I’d be giving her no cuttings. It is your home too.

Use the kitchen. Don’t drive her about. If she wants to kick off then perhaps it might prompt your parents to find a compromise that suits you all.

You are all daft for allowing her to do this.

HabitsDieHard · 08/01/2022 18:42

what's your relationship with your parents like? Seems like they favour your sister? Could you tell them how her behaviour is impacting you and see if they will help you? Otherwise, I'd be saving for a deposit on a rental

user772263 · 08/01/2022 18:42

I actually moved out at 16 and went to school in the US for high school and uni (my parents are from the US) but am back for a few years for law school. I lived in my own flat from Sept 2020 - Sept 2021 but don’t move into my next flat until March. I worked to pay for my old flat but my parents have always said that while we’re in school they will pay for our living expenses, which we are so lucky to have and soooo grateful for! But while we wait for March to roll around, they’ve asked that I live at home

OP posts:
HoneyBlahBlah · 08/01/2022 18:42

@Bluntness100

Move out?
What a ridiculous response 🙄
thewhatsit · 08/01/2022 18:43

Yes it does sound like they favour her.

If you’re moving out in a few months, can you just buy a second hand desk for now?

Frenchfurze · 08/01/2022 18:43

If you can't move out immediately, just go to the local library to study? It doesn't need to be the BPP library. Or see if you can get an external reader's admission to your nearest university library.