My sister kicked us out of the kitchen

[user772263]

Hi everyone. I’m 22 and currently living at home whilst in my first year of law school.

I’m really struggling with my sister, who is 16.

She’s studying for her GCSEs and has claimed the kitchen as her study spot despite having a desk in her room, and demands quiet and/or everyone out of the kitchen.

She is typically revising from 3-5 hours per day and gives herself one day off per week. So basically, 6 days a week, the kitchen is off limits for an average of 4 hours at a time.

Next to the kitchen is a dining room where my Mum works. I’ve sat in there with her to study from time to time, but my sister plays her music while revising and refuses to listen through headphones, so it’s tricky to get stuck into reading cases with Ed Sheeran and Justin Bieber playing in the background.

So, this leaves me with no table to sit at to revise, and I’ve ended up sitting on my bedroom floor. I had a 2 hour exam yesterday and did it from my bedroom floor because my sister won’t listen to her music through headphones, or study from the desk in her bedroom.

I’m also struggling with the fact that she uses ‘revising’ as a cop out for doing literally anything and everything around the house. She eats breakfast and leaves her dishes and snack bar wrappers on the side, claiming that she’s too busy revising to put them away. The other day she’d cooked herself some pasta and had left grated cheese all over the counter which she again claimed she was ‘too busy’ to clean up.

She’s got a metre long pile of clothes, books, etc stacked up outside her room that she can’t be bothered to put away, and she literally came downstairs the other day saying that she couldn’t find her jodhpurs, only to find that they’d been put away in her dresser. Turns out, she hadn’t even thought to look through her drawers because her clothes are scattered all over the floor.

Basically, I’m really struggling. My parents refuse to bring things up with her because she’s only got 2.5 years left living at home and they don’t want to cause an argument, but we’ve literally gone from a house with rules to a house where it’s a free for all. I honestly cannot recall a time in the last 6 months that she was reprimanded for something or told to do something for herself.

She had an eight person party for New Year’s Eve and the following morning, she napped while my parents and I cleaned the kitchen and living room.

Ok. Rant over. Advice please!!

You have asked for advice and so far have batted back each piece of advice posters have taken the time to give.

What do you hope to achieve? If you just need to offload, crack on - no need frame it as asking for advice.

Yes, it's unfair. Your sister is a CF and your parents are weak.

Use her desk

Use her desk.
Go to the library.

Its temporary. Only til march. Itll be fine.

So far the advice to ‘move out’ is what I’ve primarily responded to!

The suggestions of using a local uni library or using my sisters desk are good ones that I hadn’t thought of before, so i think I’ve asked in the right category!

My siblings would have battered fuck out of me for behaving like that... not even joking. Sadly. Haha!

If she's in kitchen with door closed and you in sit in the dining room with noise cancellation headphones on -but no music playing that should drown out most of her noise from kitchen.

That’s a really good idea! I’ll try that this week

There is a reason people move out of the family home when they get to about 18. It just becomes more difficult putting up with the way your parents run things once you are an adult with your own opinions and a certain amount of independence.

In this case you need to stick it out until March, study in your room, buy a small desk if necessary. Make the best of it and learn from this that your days at home are over.

How long for law school? Either put up with it because it’s your parents house or find a flat/house share. I know it seems stressful so I would make plans to move out, if you can afford to.

There is nothing you can do as your parents allow her to do this. They probably make more allowances for her because they’re worried she’ll kick off whereas they might find you easier so don’t pussy foot around you.
Does she have any diagnoses e.g. autism that might help explain her rigidity about her revision arrangements?

Maybe this is a stupid question and I'm missing something, but while law school is a graduate route in the US, we don't really have the equivalent here. Are you on a 2 year conversion masters course? LPC is just one year so can't be that.

I think if you've lived away from them for 6+ years it's you that has to fit in with their routines, not the other way round tbh.

Take on half the kitchen table. Wear ear plugs and then noise cancelling headphones over the top. Stop all lifts and mirror her behaviour. Do the work you need to do. Ignore all complaints. Grey rock time.

Play her at her own game, only better and win.

YABU for typing ‘Rant over’ as any law student should be able to identify irrelevant content 😉

Ask BPP to give you a letter requesting your local university law library to allow you to study there. Or whatever is needed in these electronic days

I think she does it because our middle sister did it and she worships her like a dog begging for food.

My sister used to stick post-it notes all over the kitchen when she revised and lo and behold, my younger sister has demanded she will do the same

I think it’s an insecurity/attention thing

I moved out at 16 so haven’t lived with either for a while and find my youngest sister really hard to get along with, primarily because she thinks the universe revolves around her

I did have a desk but it was given to my other sister six weeks after it was gifted to me for Christmas, so I don’t have access to that either

Hold on. What?

I’m on the conversion course! The GDL

Get a cheap desk or table for your room and “borrow” a chair from the kitchen or dining room.

Yeah :(

I was at school in the US and my entire room (fair enough) was given to my sister, but along with the room, the entirety of its contents was also given. So I literally lost everything I’d left at home. Clothes, toiletries, everything

For the five years that followed I’d sleep in the guest room every time I came home

She's gotten used to being the only child, your parents have more time for her so she's adjusting to not being the only child in the house. She'll be stressed and your parents are being lenient. She's not doing any harm by leaving dishes on the side or needing the kitchen to study. Can you suggest a compromise with her about when and where she plays her music? Half the day in her room with no music while you're in the kitchen, then swap?

They gave your Christmas present to your sister? WTF?

I'd go to the library or a cafe. And count down to March.

Is she really revising all that time???

That’s what I’ve been doing to the best of my ability, but it’s gotten to the point that it’s just so bizarre and anyone I explain the situation to is so puzzled by it.

I was literally called ‘mean’ by my Mum the other week for not leaving my warm dinner to get cold and be reheated later and driving my sister where she wanted to go, at the exact moment she’d demanded to go.

This evening, I was talking to my Mum, picking a movie to watch together and my sister interrupted me mid sentence and when I asked her to let me finish, my Mum jumped to her side and babied her as if I’d just asked her to give me her future child.

It’s just so bizarre honestly. And I do a lot around here. Between zoom classes and exams, I’ve reorganised their entire pantry, boot room, utility, kitchen and airing cupboard. I feed the dogs every day, I tidy the house, help with laundry, groceries, etc etc etc. and I’m really happy to do so! I don’t mind it at all. But they literally won’t ask my sister to clean her grated cheese off the counter… it’s just so odd

Ffs, just use her desk

We have another sister so she’s not the only child! There’s three of us :)