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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this woman is ridiculous and aggressive?

594 replies

mothtoflutter · 08/01/2022 17:49

Been with my partner 2 months now, met his daughter a few weeks ago - daughter is 3 - it went well and she really took to me.

She stayed at her dads on Thursday night, and I got her ready for nursery in the morning and dropped her off. I received this message last night - I haven't responded as off yet as don't want to say something I might regret but I am fuming. It is such a nasty message and AIBU to think it is unnecessarily aggressive? WIBU to just reply 'fuck off' (only slightly joking Wink)

I heard you dressed my daughter this morning. You put her jeans on back to front and wellies on the wrong feet, had her looking like a right scruff. I don't care what goes on between you and D, I really don't and has nothing to do with that but I have told D, and maybe he's not passed it on, I do not want you or any girl that he's shagging around daughter until it's serious and I've met her. I certainly don't want a random girl dressing my daughter, especially if she can't manage it properly. The shit and stress that has been caused today because of D's behaviour, and I'm assuming that's because he was up the night with you drinking or taking God knows what. Have a bit of respect, go see D once daughter is in her bed and leave before she's up, it's not hard. I text his mum and her response was who is mothtoflutter!? So it can't be serious if you've not even been mentioned. So for now, please don't come around my daughter. Thank you.

Just an FYI I have no idea about the stress that my partner has caused that she speaks of and neither does he.

OP posts:
HoldingTheDoor · 08/01/2022 17:51

It's far too early for you to be meeting his daughter let alone taking her to nursery.

RussianSpy101 · 08/01/2022 17:51

YABU.
Why are you dressing your new boyfriends daughter?
You met her after 4 weeks of knowing him? Wrong on so many levels.

Comedycook · 08/01/2022 17:51

You've been together two months...he's not your partner. She is right...you shouldn't be around their daughter yet. However, she is very wrong to be blaming you...it's him she should have the issue with.

RussianSpy101 · 08/01/2022 17:51

You definitely don’t take her to nursery. Massive overstep.

480Widdio · 08/01/2022 17:52

Way to soon in the relationship for you to have even met his daughter!!Poor child.

HalfShrunkMoreToGo · 08/01/2022 17:52

The tone of the message is aggressive but and it is a big but, you've only been with your oartner for 2 months so 8-9 weeks, you met his young child 3 weeks ago and you're already looking after her, dressing her etc.

I would be so incredibly uncomfortable with a woman I didn't know, who had been around for such a short period of time to be taking personal care of my child, seeing her naked, comforting her.

It's months too early for you to be having that kind of relationship with this child.

BooksAndGin · 08/01/2022 17:52

YABU. She's in the right!

Why the hell are you dressing a child you've met once and only been with their dad for two months? Shocking. Angry

riverofsweetcorn · 08/01/2022 17:52

What the fuck are you doing getting this involved with his daughter this early on?

I'd be furious if I was her mum.

Emerald5hamrock · 08/01/2022 17:53

The wording was OTT her feelings aren't.
The father is a dickhead allowing this happen.

SoupDragon · 08/01/2022 17:53

2 months?? That's far too early to be dressing his DD and taking her to nursery!

OwlinaTree · 08/01/2022 17:53

2 months in is quite early to be meeting his child really. I can understand the mum being upset about that, especially if there's a history of him introducing lots of women to the daughter.

The mum should be speaking to the child's father about it though. You have done nothing wrong here.

PonyPatter44 · 08/01/2022 17:53

Were the child's jeans on backwards and her wellies on the wrong feet? Has she got a point there?

Tbh, if you've been with him 8 weeks, and met his daughter 'a few' weeks ago, you all barely know each other. I've got cheese on my fridge older than your relationship. If I was the mum, I wouldn't want some randomer playing mum with my daughter either.

Has your BF introduced you to his daughter so quickly so you can take over the childcare for him?

Antiqueanniesmagiclanternshow · 08/01/2022 17:53

She is absolutely right!!

WheelieBinPrincess · 08/01/2022 17:53

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

HoldingTheDoor · 08/01/2022 17:54

I agree that she needs to have this argument with your "partner" instead of taking it out on you but WTF is he thinking? I'd be furious in her position too

TidyDancer · 08/01/2022 17:54

Are you kidding? You've been dating someone for such a short period and you're overstepping massively already. What were you thinking?

Simonjt · 08/01/2022 17:54

Why is your boyfriend letting a stranger dress his child and take her to nursery?!

No idea of the stress? She knows her child has been dressed by a random stranger, that really isn’t appropriate and would worry and stress most parents.

Loopielu · 08/01/2022 17:54

I think the ex is spot on here. Two months in and playing mum. No chance I would allow that.

WhoWants2Know · 08/01/2022 17:54

That's a very detailed text message. H

DynamiteFilledRadish · 08/01/2022 17:54

She's right. You've been with your boyfriend 8 weeks. I have food in the fridge older than your relationship. You absolutely shouldn't have even met his child yet. Back off.

Momicrone · 08/01/2022 17:54

I would think twice about getting involved with a man with a very young kid

AlDanvers · 08/01/2022 17:55

How does she have your number?

But quite frankly, you have been with him 2 months, met his child weeks ago? And you are staying over when she is there and taking over her care? The pair of you are ridiculous.

And I would bet my annual salary, he knows exactly what the stress he causes is.

She can't insist on meeting you. But given he can't seem to put his child's needs first, I will bet you aren't the first women he has had around her and she is trying to protect her child.

WhoWants2Know · 08/01/2022 17:55

Sent too soon. How did she get your number?

Hapoydayz · 08/01/2022 17:55

Why couldn't your boyfriend take his daughter to nursery? Is he looking for a gf just so he can have someone make parenting easier for him as he can get a woman to do it?

Idontevenknow · 08/01/2022 17:55

Not worded the best but I agree with what she is saying. She has tried to tell your partner and he hasn't listened, hence why she is messaging you.

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