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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this woman is ridiculous and aggressive?

594 replies

mothtoflutter · 08/01/2022 17:49

Been with my partner 2 months now, met his daughter a few weeks ago - daughter is 3 - it went well and she really took to me.

She stayed at her dads on Thursday night, and I got her ready for nursery in the morning and dropped her off. I received this message last night - I haven't responded as off yet as don't want to say something I might regret but I am fuming. It is such a nasty message and AIBU to think it is unnecessarily aggressive? WIBU to just reply 'fuck off' (only slightly joking Wink)

I heard you dressed my daughter this morning. You put her jeans on back to front and wellies on the wrong feet, had her looking like a right scruff. I don't care what goes on between you and D, I really don't and has nothing to do with that but I have told D, and maybe he's not passed it on, I do not want you or any girl that he's shagging around daughter until it's serious and I've met her. I certainly don't want a random girl dressing my daughter, especially if she can't manage it properly. The shit and stress that has been caused today because of D's behaviour, and I'm assuming that's because he was up the night with you drinking or taking God knows what. Have a bit of respect, go see D once daughter is in her bed and leave before she's up, it's not hard. I text his mum and her response was who is mothtoflutter!? So it can't be serious if you've not even been mentioned. So for now, please don't come around my daughter. Thank you.

Just an FYI I have no idea about the stress that my partner has caused that she speaks of and neither does he.

OP posts:
BeckyWithTheGoodHair010101 · 08/01/2022 18:00

I agree with mum. Too soon for you to be this involved. If I were you I wouldn't be rushing into a stepmum role.

BruceAndNosh · 08/01/2022 18:00

I'm calling reverse now...

Shiningpath · 08/01/2022 18:00

You have the right to dress her but not the right to challenge her so she’s dressed properly? Hmm

You really need to give your head a wobble. You don’t have a “partner” you’ve got a NEW boyfriend and you’ve no business being in this child’s life yet, not for a long time yet.

BooksAndGin · 08/01/2022 18:00

Relationship? 😂 You've been together two months, you barely even know him! Let alone his daughter!

anon12345678901 · 08/01/2022 18:00

I'm guessing you aren't a mum OP? Why on Earth did your partner feel the need to introduce you and have you staying over at such an early stage in your relationship?

Onelifeonly · 08/01/2022 18:00

She is totally right, though criticising how you dressed her is a low blow, and her tone is unpleasant. She should be talking to her ex about this, not you.

Its unfair on the child to meet you and I'd ne suspicious of your bf's motives in doing so given you dressed her and took her to nursery.

Hugasauras · 08/01/2022 18:01

After such a short time dating and assuming he only has his daughter a few nights a week, I would only be seeing him on nights he was home alone, personally. It was 18 months before my friend tentatively introduced her partner to her (older) children, and he was never involved with their personal care.

WhereDoesThisToiletGo · 08/01/2022 18:01

Why isn't your relatively new boyfriend doing this for his own daughter?

anon2334 · 08/01/2022 18:02

She is right. Plus after the recent news of step parents I would be fully vetting you out and believe me you wouldn’t be dressing or taking my kids anywhere after only 2 months of being together. Over stepping your boundaries

Momicrone · 08/01/2022 18:02

So they split when the kid was one

NoSquirrels · 08/01/2022 18:02

I took her as my partner had work

If you hadn’t been there what would he have done? What does he usually do?

8 weeks you’ve been seeing him! Regardless of the message it’s way too soon and he sounds absolutely clueless and a rubbish parent if he’s letting this happen.

daisymade · 08/01/2022 18:02

She should be taking it up with the father not you, but I would be absolutely furious at some new girlfriend taking my daughter to school and knowing her jeans were on back to front 🤯🤯🤯

I'd probably leave your partner TBH for his shit judgement and his shit parenting.

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 08/01/2022 18:02

What the FUCK are you doing taking this child to nursery and getting her dressed when you've been with her dad 8 weeks?
You need to grow up and back off. He's a shit dad for facilitating this but you have responsibility too.

Pumperthepumper · 08/01/2022 18:02

Definitely a reverse.

qualitygirl · 08/01/2022 18:02

I'm with her YABU as is your partner sorry @mothtoflutter

Just text her back and apologize.

BringBackCoffeeCreams · 08/01/2022 18:03

The tone is very aggressive but that because she's furious, and rightly so.

Geppili · 08/01/2022 18:03

Why did your partner leave her with you? What does he do about dressing her and getting her to nursery when you are not there??

Your new boyfriend is a terrible parent to leave her with you, who she barely knows. It is also a huge responsibility for you.

Casmama · 08/01/2022 18:04

It is difficult to believe that someone would be so relaxed about letting a near stranger look after their small child.
If this is true then I think he's taking you for a mug OP and the child's mother is absolutely right- her only mistake is addressing her concerns to a stranger rather than her feckless ex

Lindaloo08 · 08/01/2022 18:04

YABU to think the mam wouldn't mind. He is in the wrong massively, if he has his child overnight he should be able to take her to creche the next day himself or have someone the child knows well take her. I'd flip if stranger dressed my child, and that's what you are no matter how good your intentions, is she toilet trained?

Marmelace · 08/01/2022 18:04

He sounds a right dickhead, handing his daughter over to a practical stranger, I'd be livid too!

Santaisstilleatingmincepies · 08/01/2022 18:04

Congratulations on your new nanny job..
If I was his ex I would also be raging..

JustLyra · 08/01/2022 18:04

Yes her jeans were on back to front as she put them on herself and didn't want to change them around and since I'm not her mum I didn't feel I had the right to challenge her. I took her as my partner had work.

If you don’t know a child well enough to be able to help them to fix their jeans so have to leave them uncomfortable (and back to front jeans will be uncomfortable) then you’re not a suitable babysitter.

And tbh the word “challenge” is a very odd one - you don’t challenge a three year old, you guide them.

WorraLiberty · 08/01/2022 18:04

If this turns out to be a reverse, I'm reporting it.

On the off-chance that it's not, have you always wanted to be an unpaid childminder OP?

Because it appears that's exactly what you are.

DrSbaitso · 08/01/2022 18:05

Why didn't her father dress her and take her?

ChiefInspectorParker · 08/01/2022 18:05

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