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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this woman is ridiculous and aggressive?

594 replies

mothtoflutter · 08/01/2022 17:49

Been with my partner 2 months now, met his daughter a few weeks ago - daughter is 3 - it went well and she really took to me.

She stayed at her dads on Thursday night, and I got her ready for nursery in the morning and dropped her off. I received this message last night - I haven't responded as off yet as don't want to say something I might regret but I am fuming. It is such a nasty message and AIBU to think it is unnecessarily aggressive? WIBU to just reply 'fuck off' (only slightly joking Wink)

I heard you dressed my daughter this morning. You put her jeans on back to front and wellies on the wrong feet, had her looking like a right scruff. I don't care what goes on between you and D, I really don't and has nothing to do with that but I have told D, and maybe he's not passed it on, I do not want you or any girl that he's shagging around daughter until it's serious and I've met her. I certainly don't want a random girl dressing my daughter, especially if she can't manage it properly. The shit and stress that has been caused today because of D's behaviour, and I'm assuming that's because he was up the night with you drinking or taking God knows what. Have a bit of respect, go see D once daughter is in her bed and leave before she's up, it's not hard. I text his mum and her response was who is mothtoflutter!? So it can't be serious if you've not even been mentioned. So for now, please don't come around my daughter. Thank you.

Just an FYI I have no idea about the stress that my partner has caused that she speaks of and neither does he.

OP posts:
Greenfields124 · 08/01/2022 18:11

@mothtoflutter

Ok point taken then, maybe I overstepped the boundaries. I was just doing him a favour as he usually drops his daughter off at his mums and I'd stayed the night before so it just made more sense - I offered, he didn't ask.

No I don't have kids and I'm 24 to whoever is asking.

It's not just to do with overstepping boundaries he's entrusting a really young child to someone he doesn't properly know.
teaandchocolate1 · 08/01/2022 18:11

Can't believe any parent would put a new partner after dating for two months in a position of trust with their child

BessieFinknottle · 08/01/2022 18:11

It's much (much, much) too soon OP.

AlDanvers · 08/01/2022 18:11

Its really strange because exh had a habit of bringing new women round. Giving the kids a new step mum who he had known weeks. My kids were older and I never text the women, as he fed them 'my ex is crazy'. But eventually kids just stopped bothering with the women and then with him. .
They saw him for what he was. A twats that was just looking for free childcare and didn't give a shit about them or the women.

If my kids had been toddler age, I would have been more inclined to do speak to my ex. Bit as it stands he fucked his relationship up with then himself.

PinkSyCo · 08/01/2022 18:11

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TheFormidableMrsC · 08/01/2022 18:11

@mothtoflutter

Ok point taken then, maybe I overstepped the boundaries. I was just doing him a favour as he usually drops his daughter off at his mums and I'd stayed the night before so it just made more sense - I offered, he didn't ask.

No I don't have kids and I'm 24 to whoever is asking.

I certainly wouldn't be telling the mother to fuck off either. Who do you think you are? At 24 I wasn't that naive. He's a shit parent and I'd take that as a sign personally.
MajesticallyAwkward · 08/01/2022 18:11

YABU and the message isn't even that aggressive.

OPs single response conveniently ignores all of the sensible and very valid concerns and questions about why on earth she is going along with this.

OP, back off. It's not your dc, you shouldn't even consider meeting a partners child until it's a genuine serious, long term relationship. This is a 3 year old, vulnerable child.

WorraLiberty · 08/01/2022 18:12

He shouldn't be having girlfriends to stay overnight in his daughter's home anyway.

Well certainly not after just a few weeks into the 'relationship'.

Itonlytakesonetree · 08/01/2022 18:12

I'd be sounding aggressive too if my child went to stay with her father and a random ended up doing the childcare (badly).

SleepingStandingUp · 08/01/2022 18:12

Totally on her side.

A person he barely knows is involved with getting her daughter undressed / dressed and is then taking her out alone.

He's a boyfriend of a few weeks. He's already managed to dump her on you. He copes when you're not there but he's already convinced you've needs you to play Mommy to help him. Poor Daddy, he just needs a good woman who understands.

It could all be over in a few weeks and there will be some other woman playing Mommy in a few months. Think how that affects the lite girl.

anon12345678901 · 08/01/2022 18:12

@mothtoflutter

Ok point taken then, maybe I overstepped the boundaries. I was just doing him a favour as he usually drops his daughter off at his mums and I'd stayed the night before so it just made more sense - I offered, he didn't ask.

No I don't have kids and I'm 24 to whoever is asking.

When you have kids, you'll understand the mothers frustration and upset. And if you're in her shoes when you do have kids, you'll be reacting the same.
AlDanvers · 08/01/2022 18:13

@mothtoflutter

Ok point taken then, maybe I overstepped the boundaries. I was just doing him a favour as he usually drops his daughter off at his mums and I'd stayed the night before so it just made more sense - I offered, he didn't ask.

No I don't have kids and I'm 24 to whoever is asking.

Doesn't matter if he didn't ask.

He had you staying when she was there. He accepted your offer. He decided to leave his child in the care of someone he barely knows.

Does that sound like a good parent to you?

pinkcarpets · 08/01/2022 18:14

YABU, I'd be absolutely fuming

Sn0tnose · 08/01/2022 18:14

I completely understand where she’s coming from but she’s directing the majority of her anger at the wrong person. He’s the one who has left his infant daughter in the care of some random woman he’s only been dating for a matter of weeks. He’s completely irresponsible and I’m not surprised she’s furious. However, I do understand why she’s angry with you too. Why on earth do you think it’s acceptable to come into the life of a young child when you’ve been dating her father for only five minutes? You absolutely cannot do that to children. What happens if it doesn’t work out between you and you break up in a month’s time? Both you and the man you’re dating appear to be putting your desire to play happy families before the child’s welfare and you should both be ashamed of yourselves.

So yes, YAB very unreasonable to think she’s ridiculous or aggressive.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 08/01/2022 18:15

@mothtoflutter

And no, we will have some wine or whatever but not get drunk and we certainly don't take drugs although we both have in the past but not together.
See it as a heads up that your new boyfriend still does drugs. And that he's teeing you up to be doing all the pesky childcare for him.

He'll deny it, but they always do. 'I'd NEVER do that around my child' (because they're in the next room), that kind of thing.

Retrievemysanity · 08/01/2022 18:16

Can see from your point of view you were trying to help out and do a good thing and have got a lot of grief for it. I’m assuming you haven’t got children if you’re own and you’re quite young- I don’t think I’d have fully appreciated how inflammatory this would be to a mother so you have my sympathy. However, it is very early to be meeting your partner’s child and to be doing ‘childcare’ stuff. That’s more an error on your partner’s side though and his ex should’ve taken it up with him not you.

FrasierCraneDay · 08/01/2022 18:16

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Porfre · 08/01/2022 18:16

YABU

You've been with him 2 months and you met her a few weeks ago?

I'm sorry I'm not sure if this is a joke or not. You really dont understand why the poor kids mum is upset?

Pumperthepumper · 08/01/2022 18:16

If I was you then, I’d be thinking carefully about the kind of father he is. How come he’s your partner if his mum has never heard of you?

Jacketpotato84 · 08/01/2022 18:17

Are you sure your “partner” isn’t using you to piss off his kids mum?
Make her jealous and potentially get back in a relationship with her knowing too well how she would react

Figgygal · 08/01/2022 18:17

Good point badly made
After 2 months you shouldnt be anywhere near her daughter

esloquehay · 08/01/2022 18:17

He's not your partner after 2 months.
He is a shit Dad to have introduced you so soon to his DC, to have you to stay whilst she is there, to have you dress her and take her to nursery.
And you admit that you let her go out incorrectly?
Fucking hell...that poor child.

Fuckitydoodah · 08/01/2022 18:17

I totally understand where the ex is coming from and when you have children, so will you.

AnyFucker · 08/01/2022 18:17

If this is real, you are naive in the extreme

Redbucket · 08/01/2022 18:17

She's phrased it aggressively ans to the wrong person, it should be to the dad, but she has a point. You're basically a stranger, alone with the child and taking them to nursery, df needs to get a grip and parent his child not palm off responsibilities or even introduce you to them so early into the relationship.